A cool crisp night, a full moon. The sounds of the water from the docks could be heard despite the windows up in Russell's car. He sat, quiet in his car taking in the ambiance of the docks. Ten minutes had passed since he turned off the car. The moonlight gently reflected off the dashboard as Russell's thoughts swished around in his mind. It was another one of his strange nights, as he often put them. The feeling of emptiness despite having stability and even a lover, these nights always would come. He never understood why, but isolating himself to these docks, ever since he came to the city, they helped. In the eight years since he had moved into this quiet city, a lot had happened.

Despite so many changes, even an epiphany here and there about himself, these nights of strange empty hollowness would still come for him. He felt alone, knowing all well he wasn't alone. Things during the year would often bring the feeling back. But as summer fades away, it's when it often came back a lot. He would self reflect, question his life choices, wonder why the life he sees is the way it is. Sometimes even damning himself for being so self aware of the many issues so embedded in the society he made himself home with. He would think about his family, more or less what little was left of it. He would think about the many people he tried to befriend but only found lies and deceit, people that merely saw him as a source of temporary entertainment then thrown away.

Things like holidays, his birthday, the empty feeling would come back. The guilt, the feeling of not being good enough, not worthy enough of the kindness of others, their sympathy, apathy, anything really. But instead his own mind stirred the kindness of others as something along the lines of selfishness. He went out of his way to help others, give advice, to talk to, to vent at, but when people wanted to return the favor of his kindness he felt crushed and guilty. Despite helping so many, the torment of the question "Why me?" still plagued him immensely. This feeling of sorrow, this emptiness, it would always come back. Sometimes Russell could notice patterns of when it came and went, other times he could not see any pattern at all. All he knew is that it was always a matter of time before the feelings came back.

He sat in his car, his face illuminated by the screen of his phone. On it, the few social media communities he liked to keep in touch with showed people he knew enjoying their night. People he knew that cared about him, but yet here he was, as he had been doing for years, sitting in his car at night, isolated as this feeling of sorrow washed over him like a cold, dirty cloak. He clicked his phone off, his eyes shift focus to the windscreen, small droplets of rain accumulate on the glass as they reflect the light of the surrounding street lights and the full moon. A mixture of the orange florescent lights and the the pale white light from the full moon filled various parts of the car interior. He slowly looked around, the parking lot was empty and quiet. Looking at his phone's lock screen, he wanted to see the time. Half past midnight.

He opened the door of his car, stuffing his keys and phone into the pockets of his navy blue hoodie. The air was cool and brisk on his fur. Despite the changing weather, Russell still left his apartment with shorts on. Stepping out of his car completely, he gently shut the door behind him, his reflection in the window catches his eye as he stares back. Despite all the good he knows he had helped others with, despite knowing so many appreciated him, this sorrow and emptiness still filled him. He reached into his pockets and felt around for the key fob, clicking the lock button, the lights blink once as the car locks itself. Russell pulled his hood over his head, his ears poking through the slits he cut into them so his ears could poke through. He looked up at the moon, it's quiet, pale light shone down on his face as he stares back at the lonely moon in the sky.

Closer to the docks, a few rows of benches that faced the water front lay scattered about the edges of the sidewalk. The rain from earlier had stopped, but it was not enough to leave any of the benches wet at all. As he walked over to one of the lonely benches, it was illuminated by one of the smaller street lights. Almost like a beacon to Russell, he was drawn to it as this feeling held onto him tight. Approaching the small wooden bench, the sounds of the water from the docks were not helping like they normally would when he would come here. He sat down on the bench finally, his tail laid down to the right of himself, he looked out into the dark bay. The only lights past the street lights were dimly lit lanterns scattered about the docks. They gave off an eerie aura, they had a reddish glow and didn't illuminate much around them. Just these reddish dots scattered around the docks, like eyes from some other realm watching Russell as he stared out into the darkness.

He closed his eyes, the memories as they usually did, started to come back. Unwanted, they still played out in his mind. His angry teenage years, parents that wanted the best for him but went about helping in all the wrong ways. All the fights, the nights he spent crying himself to sleep, the days where nothing made any sense, it washed over him like unwanted rain. Despite it happening well over a decade and a half ago, it still felt like yesterday to him. Like fresh wounds. His eyes felt warm as tears welled up. He never could hold himself together when the memories came for him. Now he had no family to turn to, his own family shred itself apart. Out of self preservation, he moved away. He isolated himself to keep his own sanity, his partner that he moved in with helped him escape the madness of his old home. Despite that madness, leaving everything behind still bothered him greatly.

He opened his eyes, he felt the warm tears that ran down his cheeks and soaked his fur. The seasons were changing, the world around him was always changing, but these hollow feelings always stayed the same. Rain was gently falling again, Russell wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie after taking off his glasses. His eyes started to focus and things became less blurry as he put his glasses back on. Over to his right, he heard popping and crackling noises, some locals were shooting off fireworks. It was enough of a distraction to pull him away from that feeling that he noticed the shine of headlights lighting up the docks in front of him. He turned around, a car was parked behind the bench, from the passenger side of the car the door opened, he saw a figure step out. he heard their voice before they shut the car door.

"Thank you for the ride, I had the feeling he was here,"

The sound of her voice, the warmth it always gave him, he knew who it was and despite this feeling that had overcome him, he felt a small rush of relief. The car backed out and slowly drove away, the lights of the car gone, his eyes began to adjust again and familiar face finally graced his eyes. It was Lynette, his best friend, his lover, ultimately his savior from his own madness. She walked along side of the bench, looking down at Russell. Her face showed worry, she was worn out and Russell felt bad again because he immediately assumed he was the cause of her stress. Both of her ears were drooped down behind her head, her one perky ear not being up was always a sign of stress and sadness for Lynette. Russell stood up and before he could apologize, she hugged him tight.

"I love you," she quietly whispered into his ear.

His eyes welled up again as he buried his muzzle into the rabbit's shoulder. Her sweater was damp from the gentle rain coming down, but he didn't care. Lynette wrapped her arms around Russell, this wasn't the first time she had to find him and she knew it wasn't going to be the last either. She knew it was some kind of depression but neither of them made enough money to cover the expenses of the meds he would need. She held him close, relieved that he was back in her arms. Russell cried into her shoulder, just for a little bit, the sorrow loosened it's grip on him. When he lifted his head again, Lynette gently kissed him on the cheek. He gave back a weak smile, happy that the one of the people he cared for had found him once more. Russell dug through his hoodie pocket and handed Lynette his car keys, she smiled back as she knew he began to feel better even if it was only a little bit.

"Let's go home,"

---

Depression affects people in different ways, but the support they need is all the same. The guilt, sadness, sorrow and emptiness it fills them is hard to combat, be their support when they show signs of wanting help, even if it may not seem so obvious. Sometimes just being there to talk, give some validation can help a lot.

I deal with depression. I have my good days and bad days, tonight when I wrote this, it was a bad day. I use my love of writing, as terrible as it may be, to deal and cope. Russell is very much myself at the end of the day, this story is about myself with the avatar of Russell to be the window into my experiences with depression.

Please, support your friends and those close to you.

Thank you.