It was a little confusing I must admit. The story itself was pretty interesting. But you could have elaborated on many things. You never really felt the passage of time.

One more thing. This is a wall of text. Make a new line once the subject changes. And two new when the location changes. That way it will be much easier on the eye for the reader.

*nodsnods and starts taken notes* okkies any other advice? owo

Can't say I do, I'm quite new to writing myself. Those are just some things I have picked up along the way.

Where do u feel there could have been alittle more elabaration?

Well I thought many things happened right away without any description of the people involved, or their reactions to what was happening. It reminded me somewhat of olf fairy tails that are written simple, and without anything but the necessary so that people who read em wont lose interest.

I think one of the best ways of improving ones writing is to read a lot by other writers, and give it some real thought what exactly it is about the way they tell their stories.