Meet the toupeetopus. Man's new best friend. It can do tricks, hold items, and with a special upgrade (not shown here) involving microchips so tiny I can't explain it to you, even speak to you in a cheesy robotic voice. Every so often, you need to feed it a cracker or something.

The toupeetopus was specially bred and then genetically enhanced to be lazy, loyal, and above all, to hold onto the heads of bald guys all day so that nobody ntoices that they're bald. As such, the toupeetopus doesn't really do much but sit around and enjoy the ride.

Toupeetopuses are very loyal, but have been known to occasionally depart one chrome dome in favor of another, much to the embarrassment of both parties. To circumvent this, there are two solutions available to the consumer with a toupeetopus stricken with wanderlust.

The first is to strap a little TV onto your head, in front of the toupeetopus. This is usually the cheaper route to go. Although, the cost of cephalopod earphones can mean this is a somewhat noisy solution.

The second is to pacify the critter with a cybernetic connection to the internet. As the creature surfs the internet, it's primitve brain will find more than enough to entertain itself. As a side effect of the cybernetic solution, cephalopod porn is much more popular than it used to be.

(As a side note, some groups declare the pornography depicting two different species of cephalopods mating to be 'beastiality', and the offenders who create such imagery should be tracked down and turned into a tasty oriental dish. Other groups say it is a freedom of speech right for toupeetopi to see such imagery if they so choose. But as always with politics, most people just don't care one way or the other, so the debate still rages on)

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And you thought toupee technology couldn't improve.