It is 5:54 am, I just woke up from a 4-hour sleep and can barely grasp what I have read, but what I can parse out is really amazing.

Aa screaming thank you

All the setting specific things about race and culture aside it is basically just a story about someone with a disability wanting to be treated like an equal despite genuinely needing content care

Constant

DANG
This is also really good
I love your writing? I keep picking up this hint of a thing I learned from reading Richard Morgan, uh. It's like. This... this thing were you fragment your writing. Y'know. To give a sort of, sort of tactile feel to the way someone is thinking?

aa screaming

thank you

i do not know richard morgan but yes

your narrative voice should always decline for the speaker like a verb would for tense. the trick is to not make it annoying like some people who will type everything in an obnoxious phonetic accent. but how you construct sentences for the narrative should be as thought out as how you construct dialogue sentences. everything should be used to characterize and the narrator in most cases shouldn't be YOUR voice it should be a voice its own. maybe you would say something a certain way but how the narration describes something or thinks or processes information can be used to give you more information about a character's metaficitional tone and it's fun like that

Yeah yeah yeah! The way the narration speaks about topics is definitely important and does a lot for the tone of a piece.

I also like applying disjointed text to dialogue- I find that dialogue can feel a lot more realistic and visceral when its not, I guess "finely scripted", but it has those little breaks and diversions and stutters.

(Richard K. Morgan wrote the Takeshi Kovacs trilogy- I'm sure other authors make use of the same trick but its something that really stood out to me reading Altered Carbon years ago, so I associate it with him.)

yeah! that is basic science fact

Real life is messy and media tidies things up as a matter of course but that messiness can help you connect to a piece of fiction far more than the glossy version that's neatly tied up with a bow can

Oh wow, this is just wonderful and fun to read, and lils tries SO HARD.

I love what you did with her dialog.

she tries so hard but if you point it out to her too it comes off as condescending but you want so much to tell her how well she's doing

she is now everyone's waifu

ah heck

it is a magical thing when that happens

i am glad

lils is an accidental creature who suddenly decided she exists and now she does and she's part of this story now and no one can stop her

Love it.

i dont know what some of these emoticons are for but