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Hope she doesn't crash into the ceiling!

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See the joke response i sent to Tegerio about the events. 😅

Yes, sometimes i like very stupid jokes.

Mr. Spinach:
Congratulations, you made our chief repair technician cry. This is no small feat!
The reason your Songbird was inoperable was due to several pieces of shredded paper which were binding up her flywheel. How you managed to get paper so deep within her core is a story our crew is very interested to hear...

Not so dear Mr. Kann,
in response to your previous, why did nobody tell me what the ruby-coloured button in the secondary winding port was for?!
AND WHY IS *THAT* ITS PURPOSE?! It honestly looked like something else entirely!
Put those buttons elsewhere! I should not be at the risk of pushing her buttons and receive that kind of scare and damage inadvertently!
I was just trying to listen to music and relax with a massage... and your product ended up sucking. All. The. Documents. in my room inside her.
Also she flailed around the room like a those birds that sometimes enter my chimney!
And she got damaged by banging her wings everywhere! The poor thing.
I am *NOT!* *PAYING!* for those bent wings and the damage! It should be covered by warranty.
Unless you want a warrant stating you produce unsafe devices which could hurt people instead of making them "pleasantly listen to music while feeling loved"™. AS ADVERTISED!

The function of all of Songbird's buttons was clearly described in the manual...

Not so deal Mr. Kann

Included is a crumpled note which you might recognise as your own handwriting. Do not ask how i got it. I am an important(!) man.

Mr. Kann wrote:It's all spelled out quite clearly in the manual. And even if you hadn't read it, shouldn't your own intuition tell you that if you get her all wound up and start pushing her buttons, something dramatic was bound to happen?

I feel offended and appalled by your company and by the fact you did not say so to my face, preferring to send me the crafted note to which i am replying.

I HEREBY DEMAND THAT YOU FORWARD THE FOLLOWING TO YOUR MANAGER!

I, my not so dear Sir, have bought a SONGBIRD™ for a very specific purpose, and that is to have a simple woman i could understand!

INSTEAD!

What i got are a manual of several pages! (i honestly count more than 9! Preposterous!) Several knickknacks and doodahs and this SONGBIRD™ which was partially disassembled!

It took me more than a day to figure out how to assemble her and i even had to resort(!) to read(!) the manual. True, it only took me about 5 minutes after finding the assembly instructions. BUT STILL!

Let me tell you, my not so dear Sir(!). If a man has to order her by mail, find her in pieces and has to first get her together and then he has to get her all wound up to even start anything... and then READ(!) again the manual to even know what buttons to press! Then your product is doomed to fail! Fail i tell you! I will be your first and only customer. I will make sure of it!

Mr. Spinach

AHA! You must be the same S. Spinach who is founder and CEO of Stool Pigeon LTD, our main competitor in the musical/mechanical bird industry. Well sir, you may have stooped to corporate espionage (i.e. sifting through our shop manager's waste-paper basket) and marketing "smear" tactics, but I feel confident that you will be unable to hide from the public the clearly evident fact that Songbird Inc makes a superior product.

We are prepared to offer you a refund for your damaged Songbird (less a repair & restocking fee, itemized in the attachment to this letter).

Dearest Mr. Kann,

Whyever you think so.

I'll have the refund.

Thanks for your work.

We will see each other... again.