Its nice, I like it. It has a good plot, and in technicality, (Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation.) Were right on the mark. Nice work.

If there were some things I noticed, Like, it was hard to picture where it took place, for example, was the Inn well kept? When they were walking down the hall, what was on the floors? Hardwood? Is there Japan style art on the walls? Seeing as you have a very unique setting, based in Japan's culture, I think those fine details of the surrounding are vital. Even more so, I don't know what an Onsen Looks like, or the surrounding area.

Careful how you word your sentences, a few of them felt awkward to read.

One last thing, the changing in Point of view just felt awkward.

You have a good hand for writing. From what I could see, but it still in the rough. Feel free to contact me and ask me questions. It would be shame to lose an artist of your talents. I enjoyed reading this piece and can't wait to see a next installment.

This isn’t bad at all for a first story. I agree with most of the points Zombie_G_Da_ZG made. I like the trickiness and arrogance of the kitsune, and I like the fact that the transformation has a definite purpose (freeing him).

D'awwwww, and even with kitsune and japanese lore!
That's just awesome

100% approve.

I honestly want to see this go further. Since it's been 8 years I believe that you could do some amazing revisions plus a good second chapter.