OOOOOO love the first chapter of this story <3

I'm so glad you do! :) It's my first mermaid story. :)

That was an ooops...

There are a few of those in this story, hehe.

So, Harumi is stuck on land in non-mermaid red panda form? And the ship men have sighted her? Meanwhile Diana is going where? Harumi's description of where she lived wasn't near good enough for Diana to find it.

She is, and I figure she saw them before they saw her, though they are looking. As for Diana, she is headed towards the mermaids.

The directions are vague in part because Harumi is in a hurry, but honestly I didn't really know how to offer underwater directions concisely given there are not things like roads and such underwater. Odds are as long as you're headed in the right direction you'll look around until you find it. :)

I guess I'll see what happens when you publish the next part.

I'm presently thinking it'll end up being about seven total parts. :)

I'll be watching for them.

This was a good introduction. I do admit that it was a little weird that she knew right where to go, but this isn't to say that she didn't get some sort of magical instinct - or was called somehow. However, that's conjecture on my part. You are the storyteller, not me!

Parts of the story were handled very well. As we recently discussed you know I dabbled in writing for a brief time in ages past. You've clearly thought through the concepts and details necessary - something I have grown to appreciate, especially in a book I read recently, Farnham's Freehold. It doesn't dare to skip a time travel detail that really ties up the story nicely. And we both know how difficult time travel, manipulation, or pausing is to tell.

I'll be curious to see how it runs and how well Diana is received by her new temporary kin. Hopefully Harumi doesn't try to eat a fish straight off the plate in a restaurant like a dragon maid we know.

The truth is I just didn't know how to give underwater directions concisely, so it's probably the only plot convenience I put in there. I figure Diana wandered out to open water and with a general direction just kind of looked around until she found something.

I remember the book, if I recall I read it on your recommendation. :) I guess you're referring to how the mermaids stay hidden and undetected? Or something else?

So far I've finished chapter 3 which needed a bit of a rewrite, and am working on 4 before I take a break and try to finish up the Blue Moon story or the other Journeys project which is about half as long (4 parts), but anyway, I appreciate the feedback. :)

As for the fish, she has done that in art, though I don't know if it'll happen in the story, but either way it's almost inevitable for a mermaid to eat her fish raw. ;)

That is a reference too to Farnham's, but I'm actually referencing something that happens in the very first chapter. Before the nuke hits, there's a knock at the door and what appears to be a bedraggled, scraggly old man. I won't spoil for those who haven't read it, but his presence is explained in the last chapter. It's a nice attention to detail by the writer.

And that's possible. I'd run deeper under the waves first in that situation. And I remember that art piece now.

Ah yeah. :)

I know when I was planning it the part I was most concerned about was Diana's encounter with Harumi, which I hoped seemed natural/logical, as I'm often concerned (and perhaps overly so) about things making sense, even if it's about unusual things, like what would a normal person do in this situation. I try to avoid the 'no one would do that' sort of thing, so that at least it makes sense in the context of the character/situation. Rather than someone doing something that seems against common sense.

That's always a hard call. In this case you're looking at someone who would be surprised versus not. I myself would be more of the camp of "Well...this is new." and then rush to aid. But I can equally see someone being fearful or concerned to not touch.

Our society today is very odd on those bits.

Someone like Diana would definitely check to make sure Harumi was okay, though her putting on the ring to see if she could sense anything from it might seem odd to some. While Lydia is generally the go to character for sensing unknowable things, Diana does have experience with a lot of things the others don't.

Was an enjoyable read I do like the motivations each has it appears Diana is a lot like me in helping ppl that fault and curious as all get out. I like that :)

I'm glad you liked it. :) Diana is generally someone that has a tendency to explore, as both a young pup and a full grown adult she's been known to go places she shouldn't just to find out what's there. While she doesn't generally experience meeting many strangers until after she leaves Aldris and is stranded here, she is generally a kind giving personality. ;)

Thanks for reading, hon.

When are you going to upload the next chapter?

In a while, the next one is the other Journeys story that's currently ongoing, The Gift Part 2.

Chapter 2 is up. :)

I thought I'd better skip back to the beginning of this story just so I knew what was going on. I remember some of the art that was posted around this series, and I've been meaning to check it out for a long time now. So thanks for the nudge!

I really like what you've done so far. Harumi seems like quite a remarkable young woman. A bit too curious for her own good, perhaps, but then that's the case with all good adventurers, right? I found the interaction between her and her mentor to be rather sweet, even if he is rather stern with her, and it shows us just enough of their culture to make me want to know more. The men on the ship are quite interesting, too, if a bit on the ruthless side. Or perhaps pragmatic would be a better term. And of course I am still very fond of Diana. Poor girl. Megan could have warned her about what happens when you pick up a mysterious bit of jewelry like that! But if Harumi's culture was in any way connected to Aldris, I imagine she'll feel right at home down in the ocean deep.

Sorry I took so long to get to you on this, but I'm very much looking forward to reading the rest!

Always prudent. I try to vary what I've been producing in terms of short stories for both single shots and longer pieces. Some people have the attention span and others don't plus sometimes it's nice to just do a one shot with no big obligations down the line.

Anyway Harumi just kind of struck me as the willful type, the kind that would go further than most others would and generally lacking fear of the unknown. Her mentor is definitely a stickler for the rules since as an older merfolk he knows the dangers of what can happen when the surface world knows what mermaids can be used for. I kind of thought it would create a fun dynamic for their scenes together, the student who is clearly fibbing and impulsive and the teacher who knows her far too well for her to get away with it.

The men on the ship turned out to be my best idea for a motivation for the plot, since mermaids have the limitation of generally being limited out of water and the same for the land dwellers. The idea came when Luthien mentioned the ring allowed her to go back and forth, so this gave me a way to get Harumi on land. Then I thought about Diana becoming a mermaid and getting caught, which brought to mind the idea of the jewels on her tail having magical properties. Once I had that idea, it all fell into place. Luthien liked it enough she adopted it into her own mermaid character. It helped explain why the mermaids remained hidden as well as what the bad guys would want with her, and then it all made sense.

I had to sort of allow for 'coincidence' there, because if Harumi did explain odds are Diana wouldn't have put it on, but whether her putting it on makes sense or not beyond pure 'curiosity', it gets the job done. :)

While some chapters of this were harder than others and I had to replan chapter 7 completely (since I realized most of the scenes in it were repetitive), I think overall it came together. I'm also trying to teach myself to let go of 'perfection' and that sometimes good enough is better than I think.

I'm glad you like it. :)