"Hey there, mister fox! My name's Bags, the big, hungry raccoon. And you...are dinner! Congratulations to you. Now I know what you're thinking. 'I can't be a raccoon's dinner. I'm not food. I have a whole life and things I need to do.' So, let's get those silly little prey thoughts out of the way. You can absolutely be my dinner. I promise you'll fit in my tummy. I've guzzled down plenty of things much larger and tougher. You'll settle in and churn just fine. And while I'm sure you've got lots of plans for your day, your week, the rest of your life...those are prey plans. Not as important as my big, lovely tummy getting what it wants.I promise, the world will be just fine without you.

Now before you move from denial to begging, let me stop you again. There's nothing you can offer that's worth more than the nice, sloshy tummylump you'll make. Your worldly possessions? I'll get those anyway. You won't have much use for them as tummysquish. Your friendship? My best friends go in my tummy so I never lose 'em. Your promises to do anything? You couldn't get away from a greedy raccoon, so you can't be that good at things.

And finally, I know you don't want to be food. You don't have to tell me. I'm very aware that you're not looking forward to wiggling your way down my gullet and plunging into belly sauna for keeps. I know how awful what I'm doing to you is. I just don't care. You're a sweet little snackthing and I'm a glutton. Whether you like it or not, this is just what happens to things like you.

So, now that we're properly introduced, how about you take a good look around and a few last deep breaths of fresh air. I'd say you've got about five seconds!"

Art by  jerberjer
Featuring  Rudolf