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Breaking the ice with newfound acquaintances can be all sorts of awkward. Or in Russo's case, antagonistic, as he comes to find haymakers are doled out as generously as handshakes at the Kovous Guild meet and greet.
FIRST , PREVIOUS , -
Icon comes courtesy of Ricket
Chapter 55
By: RaddaRaem
“Efficient is one word for it,” Jin opined. The rat thrummed his fingers along his elbows while he sized up his far off counterparts.
“Lazy is another,” the maned wolf beside him snorted. “Though, let’s be fair, not like we wouldn’t have done the same,” Estelle acknowledged.
“Master Norn,” Jin dared to interrupt after a healthy silence had come to hang in the air. “Doesn’t this… worry you?”
“What? That our defenses, which have safeguarded us for generations, were rendered irrelevant with but a single spell? Worry not, Jin!” Norn declared with his arms outstretched.
The maned wolf pulled her lips back and winced. “Master, phrasing.”
Norn, face obscured by his hood, crossed his arms about his chest and hummed. “Our… defenses are utterly impotent when confronted with a particular school of magic? Is that better?”
“Absolutely not,” both Jin and Estelle blurted out in near unison. The rat and maned wolf were permitted a brief reprieve from their shared dread by the hearty smack of a fist against a face.
“OW! What the hell?!” Russo screeched as he stumbled back. “Are your hands made out of fuggin’ rocks?”
Jin cocked his head to the side and scrunched his pointed snout. “Should we do something about that? I mean, they are our guests.”
Hand raised, Estelle hurriedly shushed her druid companion. “No no no no no not yet. Not yet.” The maned wolf cracked a smile at the shitshow. “Not yet. Come on, it’s like watching Tevenitta argue with herself.”
Tevenitta bleated furiously at Russo. “Hand it over, human!”
Cheek puffed out, Russo smarted. “Why?!”
The sheep made angry grabby hands at the bow no longer in her possession. “Why do you think?! So I can kill your ass!”
“You’re already trying to do that now!”
Aroos, weak and pitiful, tumbled free from Dax’s lips as he positioned his portly frame behind Russo. The wolf bobbed and weaved this way and that all while failing to conceal himself behind his mage mentor.
“Bahhhhhhh!” Tevenitta generously doled out inarticulate curses in between exchanging shoves and punches with Russo. “You ain’t shit without that stupid teleport!”
Muffled thumps and thwacks sounded out as Russo’s forearms soaked up the brunt of Tevenitta’s blows. Those keratin tipped fingers of hers, scratched and coarse, stung something fierce.
“What was I supposed to do? Politely take your arrows like a pincushion?!” he yelled.
“YES!!!”
“Oh fuck that!” Russo grimaced.
“Fuck you!” the sheep bellowed back.
Estelle sniggered at the indistinguishable back and forth.
“You’re enjoying this way too much,” Jin tiredly sighed. Whiskers drooped, he waved over the fox and raccoon. “This uhh… well this wasn’t quite how I was expecting to make your acquaintance but hey! At least it’s on much friendlier terms than it would have been otherwise.”
“We’ll take it,” Morgan smirked. “My name’s Morgan and, if you can’t already tell, I’m our resident white mage.” She tugged at the sides of her namesake colored robes for emphasis.
“Never would have guessed,” Jin teased. “And you?” he pointed to the fox.
Ears perked, Tyr rubbed at his elbow. “Oh! I’m uhh… I’m Tyridia. Resident summoner.”
“Oooh!” The rat’s posture straightened at the mention. “Think you could show me your sum-”
“Nnnnggghhh let-let-let’s not right now,” Tyr weakly trailed off.
Mercifully, before Tyr could be asked to elaborate, a pronounced WHACK echoed amongst the trees.
“BAHH!” Tevenitta tumbled backwards and staggered to her feet with a pained groan. Clutching at her wrist, the sheep clenched her teeth and waited for the feeling to return to her battered digits.
“Oohoohoohoohoo,” Estelle cackled. The maned wolf grinned approvingly at Russo’s now scale coated glove. “So he’s got the brawn to back up the bluster. Not bad.”
Morgan gently tugged down at her hood. “Russo has a… a uh…” the raccoon trailed off. “You want to introduce yourself or should I?”
“Kinda busy here,” the human called back.
Folds appeared in the mask of black fur wrapped around Morgan’s eyes as she pinched at the bridge of her nose.
“Your resident headache, I take it?” Jin whispered to Morgan while he leaned in close.
“It’s complicated,” the white mage sighed. Hood bapping against her eyes, Morgan opted not to watch on as Tevenitta and Russo warily circled each other.
Jin forced a nervous smile. “How about instead of waiting for Russo’s introduction I offer up my own?”
“Please,” Morgan wryly laughed before motioning for Tyridia to join her.
Clearing his throat, Jin planted his paw atop a slender pinecone. Dragging his heel back through a bed of frosted needles, he rolled the cone onto the top of his foot and deftly kicked it up into the air.
“You can always just tell us,” Tyr opined. The fox’s eyes lazily followed the arc of the pine cone.
“Let him have his moment,” Estelle smirked. “Jin’s always been more of a shower than a teller.”
Jin rolled the cone about his palm after snatching it out of the air. Magic gathered within the rat’s grasp, directly beneath the seed pod, and in response puffs of moisture wafted out from between the cone’s wooden scales.
Brushing a fiery red lock of hair aside, Estelle promptly undercut her guild mate. “Now see, Jin here is our druid. Being able to call upon, and manipulate, nature at your leisure is pretty handy given we’re surrounded by nothing but it.”
“So much for the surprise,” Jin tiredly shrugged. Pale brown seeds tumbled out from between the pine cone’s opened scales and collected within the rat’s palm. “Just a bit of druidcraft, is all. Making flowers and seed pods bloom on command.”
The rat dismissively lobbed it, along with a heaping helping of side eye, towards the maned wolf. “I see you all have already met Tevenitta.”
Frustrated bleats sounded out as the sheep hesitated to follow through on her punches against Russo’s raised, and substantially reinforced, guard.
“An educated guess tells me that she’s your ranger?” Morgan asked.
“I can only imagine what could have given her away,” Jin snorted with a roll of his eyes.
Hands cupped around her muzzle, Estelle egged on the sheep. “Bring out the bows, Tevi!”
Tevenitta angrily gesticulated at Dax, still cowering behind Russo, before bleating out an unintelligible slurry of curses.
Estelle promptly tucked a forearm against her bicep, slapping at an orange furred elbow with her free hand, to emphasize which ‘bows she was referring to.
Wrinkles forming along her snoot, Tevenitta tucked her arms together and mulled her options.
The maned wolf snickered at the muffled thumps, and pained bahhs, that promptly followed.
Jin arched his brows and extended a hand out towards Estelle. “She may not look it but standing before you is our resident troublemaker. And morpher.”
"Morpher?" Morgan asked.
With a swish of her wrist, Estelle's trim digits bloated thick and heavy with monstrous amounts of muscle. The nails adorning her fingertips went from dainty to dagger-like as they transitioned into beastly claws. "Morpher," Estelle confidently repeated for the raccoon. "The old saying that ‘To defeat a monster you must become one’ is something I take literally not seriously."
"...Just how were you planning to introduce yourselves to us anyway?" Tyridia dared to ask.
Clearing his throat, loud enough to drown out the repeated tunks and thunks and thwacks sounding out in the background, Master Norn spoke. "Oh they had quite the elaborate entrance prepared for you! Why Jin here, with the branches above and roots below at his beck and call, intended to-"
The rat tutted and shooshed to no avail. "Master, is this really something we should be boasting about? Please don't make this awkward."
"I already have and will continue to do so!" Norn cheerily replied with a swing of his arms.
Groaning, Jin dragged his hands back along his whiskered cheeks.
Leaning in close, Norn's bundled and boisterous self proceeded to narrate with glee. "At his command, Jin would have compelled the gnarled roots of the pines, lining the mountainside, to rip themselves free from the sheer rock faces. The displaced stone would then tumble down, akin to an avalanche, forcing you to retreat down the rocky paths with nary a chance to take in your surroundings. Estelle, disguised and presenting herself as a most ferocious beast, was to then ambush you during the descent!"
“Wait so…” Morgan’s eyes narrowed while she spoke. “Was it just assumed we would make it past the archer?”
Monstrous arms tucked against her sides, Estelle giggled madly.
“If that were the case that would indeed be a most humiliating implication!” the Kovous guild master bellowed, as was becoming increasingly apparent, at his normal tone of voice. “Thankfully, it is not!”
“Bahhter not be!” Tevenitta screamed back.
Chest puffed out, Norn rested his mitten clad hands upon his hips and continued to divulge details. “Tevenitta’s role was to be that of a wringer! Her volleys of blunted arrows, tipped with exhausted magical crystals, were intended to deprive you of the spells you have come to hold so near and dear! Excessively so, even!”
The raccoon and fox exchanged glances. "We're mages. Specialized mages, granted, but magic is our thing. That's what we do," Tyr flatly replied.
"As am I!" Norn proudly answered. "However, Master Nadie fears that you lack the knowledge and the training needed to grapple with those who would nullify your specialized crutch. Or, as she specifically alluded to, those who are only enervated by it."
Tyridia sighed bitterly. "That wasn't my doing," he scoffed. Though, if he was being honest with himself, the brief threat that Umbra posed would have been greatly magnified by his own magic as well.
"Deprived of your magic you would be forced to think and fight in ways most unfamiliar! Or that was the working plan, anyway."
"We're sorry? I… think?" Morgan hesitantly apologized.
"I'm not!" Russo yelled over muffled whumps, increasingly bitter bleats, and worried aroos. "Dax! Would you just... you're not helping!" Bumping up against the wolf, Dax's plump padding cushioning the impact, Russo groaned as he harmlessly soaked up more of Tevenitta's punches. "Dax! MOVE."
The wolf wailed as he contined to fill in for, if not overflow, Russo's shadow. "I can't!"
"Worry not, Dax!" Norn decreed. "Tevenitta, in her infuriated state, can't be bothered to concern herself with her burgled belongings!"
"Really?" The human swung a fist forward and sent his knuckles crashing against the sheep's own. A thunderous clap echoed among the pines as facsimiles of stone and scale made contact with one another.
"Master, please," Jin and Estelle grumbled in unison.
"She... she gets like this," the rat shrugged.
Estelle rolled her hulking shoulders. "Tevi's stubborn is what she is. Nothing else matters until she can beat you on her terms, right here, right now, with nothing but the fat of her fists. Just let her tire herself out."
Lips pulled flat, Russo turtled up. With every punch thrown, accompanied by wordless grunts and bleats, he found himself shifting back on his feet. Those bruised and calloused hands of hers refused to let up. "And that's supposed to take how long?"
Estelle lazily bobbed her head side to side. "Depends. You're not in a hurry or anything are you?" the maned wolf snorted.
"Auuuuuuuuuuuuugh," Russo moaned.
Morgan cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted. "Humor her, would you? It's not a great look to beat up our hosts two days in a row and counting."
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGH," the human groaned even louder in response.
Dax timidly stepped out from Russo's shadow. Bow clutched tigthly to his chest, his pudgy fingers curled around the string pulled taut, the wolf shrank in the presence of the sheep.
Tevenitta clenched her stony fingers and swung.
A bitter rush of air sailed past Dax's puffy cheeks. Whimpering, he clenched his eyes shut at the sensation of... not being hit.
THWACK
The etheral scales coating Russo's gloves pulsed when Tevenitta's knuckles clacked against them.
"Just waddle on over here already," Estelle called out.
Dax's tail timidly wagged behind him. "O-oh." The wolf's patchwork cloak bounced against his ankles as he not quite jogged over to the others.
Clearing her throat, Morgan spoke. "This here is Dax! He's our... umm..." She scrunched her lips. "Dax? What are you, anyway?" the raccoon asked.
Russo instinctively wheezed.
"I mean I know you're Russo's apprentice..." she clarified before the wolf had a chance to respond.
The mage heaved a sigh of relief.
THWUMP
“Sucks to suck, huh?” Russo taunted. “Had the drop on us and everything and that still wasn’t enough!”
WHACK
A scowl plastered itself upon Russo's scruffy visage. "You're gonna falter eventually. You do know that, right?"
CRACK
Fissures spread throughout the scales lining the mage's limbs. "Ohhhhhhh shit and so am I."
Nodding furiously, Dax's excited barks drowned out his beloved teacher's increasingly frantic and panicked shouts. "I am! He really didn’t want me to be but he started teaching me anyway and now I’m learning magic and casting spells and and and…"
The rhythm of Tevenitta's muffled impacts slowed even as the sheep all but willed her arms to lurch out of their sockets towards her hated acquaintance. Though her blows grew ever weaker, Russo's crumbling defenses permitted ever more blunt force trauma to seep through with each of the sheep's successive blows.
Russo's wrists set alight in agony as the shielding spell peeled away. The nerves within them, pinched between those bruised bones, vehemently protested against the continued use of the mage's limbs.
"Dax? Master Nadie made no mention of you in her letter..." Norn hummed. "Though it isn't unlike Master Varun to veer off script."
"So that's where he got it from," Morgan smirked.
Norn pondered particularly loudly in an unsubtle attempt to drown out Russo's wails. "Perhaps he saw in this an opportunity for you that we did not!"
PHWACK
Tevenitta's clenched fist slipped between, and forced apart, Russo's weakly pressed together gloves.
The human winced while his arms flung out to his sides. The muscles in his forearms simply opted to clock out for the day as both his magically conjured armor and his plot armor failed him. "Noooo," Russo shouted in grudging disbelief.
Shambling forward, Tevenitta literally threw herself behind her next punch.
"NO NO NO," Russo acked. Stumbling backwards, he unceremoniously slipped upon and collapsed onto a bed of pine needles. Prone and helpless, Russo settled into the permafrost and awaited his beating.
So committed was Tevenitta to her course of action though that she trampled across, rather than tenderized, the mage's form. Various oofs, groans, and pained wheezes escaped from Russo's lungs as the sheep's hooves stamped all over his groin, ribs, and face.
WHUMPH
A tired bleat escaped from Tevenitta's lips when she smacked into, and promptly slumped down, along the base of a frost covered tree. Her chin scraped noisily against the coarse bark during her descent.
Muzzle scrunched, Estelle took stock of the muted if not embarrassing conclusion. "So the unstoppable idiot meets the immovable ingrate. Can't say I'm disappointed."
Misting breath wafted up from around Russo's head. “So is now a good time to introduce myself?" he painfully mumbled.
Jin's jaw hung slack while he chewed on a response. Clearing his throat, he turned to the wolf. "...What again has Russo been teaching you, Dax?"
"It's certainly a start!" Morgan remarked at the glistening orb of water sloshing above Dax's cupped together palms.
Tail wagging furiously behind him, Dax beamed at the raccoon.
Tyr dared to reach forward and prod at the clear liquid with a clawed finger. Ripples coursed across its placid surface. "Your channeling is consistent… and self-stabilizing! You've definitely been practicing."
The torrent of praise proved too much to handle. Dax's concentration immediately faltered and, accordingly, the Water spell collapsed into a puddle at his feet. "Ooops..." The wolf bunched his toes together as stage fright settled in and he pocketed the now spent, and soaking, magical crystal that had been wrapped around his fingers.
"Don't sweat it," Estelle reassured her fellow wolf. "I sucked something fierce too when I was first starting out. Keep at it and you'll eventually get the hang of things."
"Estelle," Jin flatly stated.
"What? It was a compliment!"
"A backhanded one!" Jin pointedly remarked.
Master Norn chuckled at the compliments and classless critiques tossed Dax’s way before slinging his puffy limbs over both Russo and Tevenitta’s shoulders. In unison, they grunted as they were pulled close. “Now that you’re thoroughly exhausted, and incapable of killing one another, why not properly introduce yourselves?” the Kovous guild master asked.
“Do I have to?” Tevenitta sniped back through clenched teeth.
“Yes!” Norn cheerily commanded of her as light hearted laughter billowed out from his shrouded hood. “Here, I’ll even get you started!”
“Ow ow ow ow ow! OKAY,” Tevenitta whined when Norn grabbed hold of a wooly arm and proceeded to wave it at the rest of the group for her. She donned an unseen scowl, hidden by the mop of white hair draped over her face, and grudgingly spoke. "The name's Tevenitta," she said.
The gathered guild members, some more enthusiastically than others, played along. “Hi Tevenitta,” came back the chorus.
Norn sagely nodded along. "And what do you do, Tevenitta?"
Tyridia raised his hand to interject. "Ranger, right?"
"Obviously," Tevenitta spat. "And a damn good one at that!"
"Ehhh," Russo dismissively snorted. The mage shuddered as Norn took to slapping against his aching everything.
"Thank you, Tevenitta!" said Norn. "And how about you? Hailing all the way from Tedrah we have here..."
"Stop. Stop. STOP. PLEASE," Russo pleaded as Norn continued to slap at his back. "It's Russo! Russo, Russo, Russo!” Pain, arcing bundles of it, coursed across Russo’s person with every successive whack.
Tevenitta donned a smug and self-satisfied grin. “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that!”
“Yes you did!” the mage yelled as he could feel a mitten clad hand hover over his shoulders.
Shaking her head side to side, Tevenitta tutted. “Preeeeeeeeeetty sure I didn’t. Master Norn, could you encourage him to give it another go?”
SLAP
“AUGH,” Russo shrieked. “It’s Russo!”
The sheep took to stroking at her chin. “Say again?”
WHAP
“Russo! R-U-S-S-O!”
Tevenitta snickered fiendishly. “And one last time?”
“I DON’T LIKE YOU,” the human shouted.
Norn mercifully, finally, relented. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Russo! Why not tell us something about yourself?”
“Okay. I’m. Um. A mage,” Russo rambled off to a start. An aimless sense of bumbling soon gave way to dread when he felt Norn’s hand rise from his shoulders. “And I rely way too much on Teleportation magic!”
“Ooh ooh! What about something we don’t already know?” a certain portly apprentice barked.
“DAX.” Before Russo could even so much as fantasize about strangling the wolf the threat of being ‘encouraged’ to present more to the group at large made itself manifest. The hairs on the back of his neck brushed against the Norn’s open mitteny palm. Stammering, Russo continued to plod along. “Like what?”
Estelle thrummed her monstrous fingers against her elbows while she playfully hum hum hummed.
“I don’t even know who you are! Why are you piling on?” Russo protested to the maned wolf.
“No real reason,” Estelle playfully shrugged. “Oh, I know! Any particular monsters you fear? Irrationally or otherwise?” Her lips parted to reveal a toothy smile when Russo squinted back at her. “Just curious is all! No ulterior motives whatsoever, I assure you.”
The mage bit down on his tongue knowing he could only stall for so long. Cheeks puffed out, Russo mumbled out an unintelligible answer.
“Hmmm?” Tevenitta prodded as she flicked an ear and cupped a hand against it.
“Demons,” Russo whispered.
“Louder!” Estelle gleefully barked back.
Slouched forward, Russo hesitantly raised his voice. “Demons! There! Fine!” he exclaimed.
Eyes half lidded, the maned wolf shook her head. “That’s like saying solids are your favorite food,” she retorted.
Licking his lips, Dax salivated at the mere mention, even in abstract, of sustenance.
“No, Dax,” Russo said with a roll of his eyes. “And why am I getting so many damn questions?” he complained. The human pointed a finger towards Tevenitta. “All she had to do was drop her name in between pissing and moaning!”
“Now Russo…” Master Norn tutted.
“And what even ARE you for that matter?” the human asked of Norn. “Like… seriously what is with you and all those layers? What are you hiding under there?”
PAT
“AUGH.”
Estelle clapped her hands together as she leaned back and forth on the balls of her paws. “Anyywayyyyyyy. You were saying?”
Tyridia gently elbowed at Jin. “Are Estelle and Tevenitta always like this?”
The rat nodded tiredly. “When the novelty of ragging on each other wears off? Absolutely. Can’t say I mind them having found someone else to turn their sights on though,” he weakly laughed.
Once more, Tyr leaned in to nudge at the rat. “And now that Russo’s broached it… why is Master Norn dressed like that?” he whispered.
“What and ruin the surprise?” Jin chuckled.
“…Yes? Please?”
Jin’s prehensile tail undulated against the forest floor while he shook his head side to side. “You’ll see in due time,” he cryptically answered.
Nostrils flared, Russo noisily inhaled the frigid air before letting out a particularly frustrated and drawn out sigh.
“Again, I ask,” Estelle cheekily inquired, “Can you be a little more specific than that?”
Russo’s arms, hanging down limply from his shoulders, flopped against his thighs every time he attempted to speak. “The… the…” A grunt forced its way up from his throat as he choked on his answer. “The… the… the whore kind.”
All eyes settled on the human.
“The whore kind!” Russo all but shouted before shrinking in on himself.
"Context please," Estelle, Jin, and Tevenitta immediately requested.
"Oh ho! You must mean Umbra!" Norn immediately retorted. "While I do question your taste in women, I must laud you for besting such a monstrous foe! Fine work capturing, and imprisoning, her within Yash’s stony halls!"
Chin tucked against his chest, Russo tapped his boots together while his cheeks burned bright. “I mean let’s be real that was mostly Nadie…” he embarrassedly trailed off.
Wrinkles formed in the mask of black fur wrapped around Morgan’s eyes. “Isn’t that supposed to remain kind of… you know… hush hush?” she asked.
“Yes! However, I find myself agreeing with the point made earlier by young Dax! Surely Russo can surprise us with yet untold tales! ”
Estelle’s eyes lit up. “You mean there’s a story to this? And an honest to goodness monster to go with it?”
Norn swung his arms wildly and just barely avoided bopping Russo. “Most certainly! None of which I’m supposed to divulge!”
Morgan’s ringed tail flit warily behind her. “Master Norn that doesn’t really address my concerns so much as exacerbate them,” she said with a wince.
Jin and Estelle dismissively waved at the raccoon, for entirely different reasons, to let it go.
“Whyyyyyyy,” Russo wailed. What was there left to cough up? The mage’s eyes bounced around in their sockets as he entertained his options and practiced his deliveries within the privacy of his own head. “Something interesting about me, huh? Gosh, well now that I think about it did you know that I’ve shot the shit with primordial darkness given sentient and horrifying physical form? Hell I’m indebted to him even! Kept in line with casual threats of mass murder and bodily mutilation,” he thought. “Oh but if that’s too dour maybe you want to hear about the time I met his equal and opposite! The primordial light that some of you may or may not worship? Turns out she’s a genocidal and terrifyingly competent psychopath who despises each and every one of us for simply having the gall to exist. Turns out you’re religioning wrong, who knew?!”
“Any time now,” Tevenitta egged him on.
Exasperated, Russo rolled his eyes and angrily jazz-handed at the crowd. Scales briefly flickered, and faded, along the contours of his gloves. “Iunno! A dragon rode my ass into some snow banks a few weeks back and all I have is this spell to show for it. That good enough?!”
An awkward silence settled over the forest while everyone present digested said revelation.
“Oh shit, phrasing,” Russo blurted out in belated realization.
Dax hrmmed and scratched at a cheek. “So you gave them a piggyback ride?” the wolf asked.
Russo reached up and tugged the hood of his cloak down over his face. “No, Dax.”
“Ooh ooh! Were they a little dragon?” Dax followed up.
“NO, DAX.”
Jin rubbed the back of his knuckles against his neck while he queued up his question. “Mind if I ask what kind of dragon?”
“Why do I do this to myself?” the human forlornly asked himself. Fine. Whatever. He was damn good at digging holes for himself so why the fuck not keep at it. “She was a… silvery-grey, I guess?”
“She?” Norn intruded. “I must confess, Russo, you have quite the eclectic taste in women!”
“OH MY GOD, NO,” Russo wailed into his hood. “I mean, y-yes, I like older women but that’s not…”
Creases lined Estelle’s forehead as she found herself deep in though. “Aren’t dragons positively ancient though?”
Thoroughly flummoxed, Russo blindly grasped out at whatever coherent thoughts he could cobble together. “Yes? Maybe? Kaya probably had a couple centuries on her but-”
“So she is your type!” Estelle declared with a snap of her fingers. “And on a first name basis with her even,” she followed up with a snicker.
“GOD.”
Tyridia cocked his head and mulled over his contribution to the actively unfolding disaster. “What were you doing with a dragon, anyway?”
A slurry of syllables tumbled forth from Russo’s mouth before they combined together into something approximating words. “We joined forces to double team another why did I just say it like that.” Clearing his throat, Russo held his hands out before him and sought to start anew. “Redo. Redo redo redo! Right, so, me and Kaya were working together to pin down Greg-”
“Who the hell’s Greg?” Tevenitta butted in thoroughly confused.
“Another dragon,” Russo explained. “He was a fire-breathing asshole-”
“Wait a guy dragon, now? Was he the one that rode your ass?” Tevenitta bleated hopelessly lost and confused.
Hands cupped against his face, muffled screams escaped from the gaps between Russo’s gloved fingers. “Morgan,” he resignedly mumbled into his palms, “Anything you’d like to add to my funeral pyre? Don’t want you feeling left out or anything.”
The white mage curled her ringed tail around her waist and cocked a brow. “Nahhhhhh, I’m good. You’re self-immolating just fine all on your own.”
“You’re too kind,” Russo glumly answered.
One catastrophic implosion of Russo’s self-respect later
“I’ll still never get over how the more outlandish a story is the more believable it is coming from you,” Morgan wearily laughed.
“We done watching me humiliate myself?” Russo said with a grimace.
“I mean I’m still game if you all are,” Tevenitta replied. Hands clasped together, the sheep turned expectantly towards the others. “Anyone? Anyone at all? No?”
“To think, you befriended a Mica dragon!” Jin remarked thoroughly impressed.
“Friends is pushing it,” the mage tiredly snipped back. “Kaya tolerated me.”
“Guess not,” Tevenitta bleated somewhat disappointed. “Hey! You! Yes, you, the wolf! Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you!” she shouted as she trudged towards him.
Fingers steepled, Estelle hummed. “Would she tolerate you enough to say… swing by and introduce her to an acquaintance of yours?”
“No,” Russo said with a roll of his eyes. “I think I’m good on introductions. Forever.”
The maned wolf continued to press the subject. “Maybe not introduce me so much as… lead me to her?”
“Yeah, no.”
“Well how about-”
“How about no?” Russo emphasized with an emphatic frown.
Estelle narrowed her gaze. “You’re really not doing yourself any favors here.”
Russo kicked a cloud of pine needles at her in response.
Shivering, Tyridia huffed and puffed at the fox fire cupped between his palms. “Now that we’ve had our meet and greet can we maybe relocate? Preferably somewhere inside?”
“Surely we cannot!” Norn enthusiastically proclaimed. The bundled up guild master, via overly exaggerated sweeping motions, ushered everyone towards him. “Now that we are all gathered we may finally address the matter that brought us together in the first place!”
“Nooooo,” Dax wailed.
“Worry not, Dax! You’ll have ample opportunities to-”
“Noooooooooo,” the chunky wolf howled as he engaged in a tug of war with Tevenitta over ownership of what was clearly her bow.
Norn carried on without missing a beat. “You’ll have ample opportunities to engage in petty theft! The task at hand all but demands it!”
“Seriously?” Morgan, Russo, and Tyr asked not quite in unison.
“But of course! Surely Master Nadie explained to you as such? Our desire to ingratiate the guilds and facilitate travel between them?”
The fox nodded. “She ran a lot of ‘hypotheticals’ past us about that.”
“Regarding the use of enormous crystals and a practically boundless amount of magic contained within them, specifically,” Morgan added.
“Precisely!” Master Norn replied as he threw his arms up above his head. “Both of which we lack! Fortunately for us, the local deities happen to be in possession of such things! However, they very well aren’t going to casually volunteer such valuable treasures.”
“Soooo… what?” Russo asked incredulously. “We need to suck up to and brown nose them to get the goods?”
“Oh heavens no!” Norn laughed as he playfully swatted at the air. “No no no! They’re much too proud to ever entertain that. We’re just going to take it from them.”
“I-I’m sorry but I think we misheard you. What?” Coughing, Morgan unsuccessfully tried to stifle her nervous laughter.
Blinking repeatedly, Russo found himself caught flat footed by the sheer audacity of what was being proposed. Breaking and entering? Sure. Grave robbing? Easy peasy. This though? Not even he was so bold to think he could pull off a smash and grab on the gods themselves. Lesser gods compared to what he was used to, sure, but gods all the same.
“Won’t they be, you know, spiteful? Smiteful? Angry, very angry, if we did that?” Tyridia asked as his ears tucked against his head.
“Nah,” Jin said with a shrug. “Game recognizes game. If we can manage to outwit a god then we’ve earned it.”
Estelle flashed a toothy, if not monstrous, grin. “Provided you survive the attempt of course. No pressure or anything,” she taunted.
Russo ran a hand through his hair and sighed while pitiful barks and frustrated bleats, echoing through the forest, set the mood. “Dare I ask how bad it can get?” the human thought to himself. “I mean the bar is set pretty low. But, I’m sure I’ll find a way to trip over it. I always do.”
FIRST , PREVIOUS , -
Icon comes courtesy of Ricket
Chapter 55
By: RaddaRaem
“Efficient is one word for it,” Jin opined. The rat thrummed his fingers along his elbows while he sized up his far off counterparts.
“Lazy is another,” the maned wolf beside him snorted. “Though, let’s be fair, not like we wouldn’t have done the same,” Estelle acknowledged.
“Master Norn,” Jin dared to interrupt after a healthy silence had come to hang in the air. “Doesn’t this… worry you?”
“What? That our defenses, which have safeguarded us for generations, were rendered irrelevant with but a single spell? Worry not, Jin!” Norn declared with his arms outstretched.
The maned wolf pulled her lips back and winced. “Master, phrasing.”
Norn, face obscured by his hood, crossed his arms about his chest and hummed. “Our… defenses are utterly impotent when confronted with a particular school of magic? Is that better?”
“Absolutely not,” both Jin and Estelle blurted out in near unison. The rat and maned wolf were permitted a brief reprieve from their shared dread by the hearty smack of a fist against a face.
“OW! What the hell?!” Russo screeched as he stumbled back. “Are your hands made out of fuggin’ rocks?”
Jin cocked his head to the side and scrunched his pointed snout. “Should we do something about that? I mean, they are our guests.”
Hand raised, Estelle hurriedly shushed her druid companion. “No no no no no not yet. Not yet.” The maned wolf cracked a smile at the shitshow. “Not yet. Come on, it’s like watching Tevenitta argue with herself.”
Tevenitta bleated furiously at Russo. “Hand it over, human!”
Cheek puffed out, Russo smarted. “Why?!”
The sheep made angry grabby hands at the bow no longer in her possession. “Why do you think?! So I can kill your ass!”
“You’re already trying to do that now!”
Aroos, weak and pitiful, tumbled free from Dax’s lips as he positioned his portly frame behind Russo. The wolf bobbed and weaved this way and that all while failing to conceal himself behind his mage mentor.
“Bahhhhhhh!” Tevenitta generously doled out inarticulate curses in between exchanging shoves and punches with Russo. “You ain’t shit without that stupid teleport!”
Muffled thumps and thwacks sounded out as Russo’s forearms soaked up the brunt of Tevenitta’s blows. Those keratin tipped fingers of hers, scratched and coarse, stung something fierce.
“What was I supposed to do? Politely take your arrows like a pincushion?!” he yelled.
“YES!!!”
“Oh fuck that!” Russo grimaced.
“Fuck you!” the sheep bellowed back.
Estelle sniggered at the indistinguishable back and forth.
“You’re enjoying this way too much,” Jin tiredly sighed. Whiskers drooped, he waved over the fox and raccoon. “This uhh… well this wasn’t quite how I was expecting to make your acquaintance but hey! At least it’s on much friendlier terms than it would have been otherwise.”
“We’ll take it,” Morgan smirked. “My name’s Morgan and, if you can’t already tell, I’m our resident white mage.” She tugged at the sides of her namesake colored robes for emphasis.
“Never would have guessed,” Jin teased. “And you?” he pointed to the fox.
Ears perked, Tyr rubbed at his elbow. “Oh! I’m uhh… I’m Tyridia. Resident summoner.”
“Oooh!” The rat’s posture straightened at the mention. “Think you could show me your sum-”
“Nnnnggghhh let-let-let’s not right now,” Tyr weakly trailed off.
Mercifully, before Tyr could be asked to elaborate, a pronounced WHACK echoed amongst the trees.
“BAHH!” Tevenitta tumbled backwards and staggered to her feet with a pained groan. Clutching at her wrist, the sheep clenched her teeth and waited for the feeling to return to her battered digits.
“Oohoohoohoohoo,” Estelle cackled. The maned wolf grinned approvingly at Russo’s now scale coated glove. “So he’s got the brawn to back up the bluster. Not bad.”
Morgan gently tugged down at her hood. “Russo has a… a uh…” the raccoon trailed off. “You want to introduce yourself or should I?”
“Kinda busy here,” the human called back.
Folds appeared in the mask of black fur wrapped around Morgan’s eyes as she pinched at the bridge of her nose.
“Your resident headache, I take it?” Jin whispered to Morgan while he leaned in close.
“It’s complicated,” the white mage sighed. Hood bapping against her eyes, Morgan opted not to watch on as Tevenitta and Russo warily circled each other.
Jin forced a nervous smile. “How about instead of waiting for Russo’s introduction I offer up my own?”
“Please,” Morgan wryly laughed before motioning for Tyridia to join her.
Clearing his throat, Jin planted his paw atop a slender pinecone. Dragging his heel back through a bed of frosted needles, he rolled the cone onto the top of his foot and deftly kicked it up into the air.
“You can always just tell us,” Tyr opined. The fox’s eyes lazily followed the arc of the pine cone.
“Let him have his moment,” Estelle smirked. “Jin’s always been more of a shower than a teller.”
Jin rolled the cone about his palm after snatching it out of the air. Magic gathered within the rat’s grasp, directly beneath the seed pod, and in response puffs of moisture wafted out from between the cone’s wooden scales.
Brushing a fiery red lock of hair aside, Estelle promptly undercut her guild mate. “Now see, Jin here is our druid. Being able to call upon, and manipulate, nature at your leisure is pretty handy given we’re surrounded by nothing but it.”
“So much for the surprise,” Jin tiredly shrugged. Pale brown seeds tumbled out from between the pine cone’s opened scales and collected within the rat’s palm. “Just a bit of druidcraft, is all. Making flowers and seed pods bloom on command.”
The rat dismissively lobbed it, along with a heaping helping of side eye, towards the maned wolf. “I see you all have already met Tevenitta.”
Frustrated bleats sounded out as the sheep hesitated to follow through on her punches against Russo’s raised, and substantially reinforced, guard.
“An educated guess tells me that she’s your ranger?” Morgan asked.
“I can only imagine what could have given her away,” Jin snorted with a roll of his eyes.
Hands cupped around her muzzle, Estelle egged on the sheep. “Bring out the bows, Tevi!”
Tevenitta angrily gesticulated at Dax, still cowering behind Russo, before bleating out an unintelligible slurry of curses.
Estelle promptly tucked a forearm against her bicep, slapping at an orange furred elbow with her free hand, to emphasize which ‘bows she was referring to.
Wrinkles forming along her snoot, Tevenitta tucked her arms together and mulled her options.
The maned wolf snickered at the muffled thumps, and pained bahhs, that promptly followed.
Jin arched his brows and extended a hand out towards Estelle. “She may not look it but standing before you is our resident troublemaker. And morpher.”
"Morpher?" Morgan asked.
With a swish of her wrist, Estelle's trim digits bloated thick and heavy with monstrous amounts of muscle. The nails adorning her fingertips went from dainty to dagger-like as they transitioned into beastly claws. "Morpher," Estelle confidently repeated for the raccoon. "The old saying that ‘To defeat a monster you must become one’ is something I take literally not seriously."
"...Just how were you planning to introduce yourselves to us anyway?" Tyridia dared to ask.
Clearing his throat, loud enough to drown out the repeated tunks and thunks and thwacks sounding out in the background, Master Norn spoke. "Oh they had quite the elaborate entrance prepared for you! Why Jin here, with the branches above and roots below at his beck and call, intended to-"
The rat tutted and shooshed to no avail. "Master, is this really something we should be boasting about? Please don't make this awkward."
"I already have and will continue to do so!" Norn cheerily replied with a swing of his arms.
Groaning, Jin dragged his hands back along his whiskered cheeks.
Leaning in close, Norn's bundled and boisterous self proceeded to narrate with glee. "At his command, Jin would have compelled the gnarled roots of the pines, lining the mountainside, to rip themselves free from the sheer rock faces. The displaced stone would then tumble down, akin to an avalanche, forcing you to retreat down the rocky paths with nary a chance to take in your surroundings. Estelle, disguised and presenting herself as a most ferocious beast, was to then ambush you during the descent!"
“Wait so…” Morgan’s eyes narrowed while she spoke. “Was it just assumed we would make it past the archer?”
Monstrous arms tucked against her sides, Estelle giggled madly.
“If that were the case that would indeed be a most humiliating implication!” the Kovous guild master bellowed, as was becoming increasingly apparent, at his normal tone of voice. “Thankfully, it is not!”
“Bahhter not be!” Tevenitta screamed back.
Chest puffed out, Norn rested his mitten clad hands upon his hips and continued to divulge details. “Tevenitta’s role was to be that of a wringer! Her volleys of blunted arrows, tipped with exhausted magical crystals, were intended to deprive you of the spells you have come to hold so near and dear! Excessively so, even!”
The raccoon and fox exchanged glances. "We're mages. Specialized mages, granted, but magic is our thing. That's what we do," Tyr flatly replied.
"As am I!" Norn proudly answered. "However, Master Nadie fears that you lack the knowledge and the training needed to grapple with those who would nullify your specialized crutch. Or, as she specifically alluded to, those who are only enervated by it."
Tyridia sighed bitterly. "That wasn't my doing," he scoffed. Though, if he was being honest with himself, the brief threat that Umbra posed would have been greatly magnified by his own magic as well.
"Deprived of your magic you would be forced to think and fight in ways most unfamiliar! Or that was the working plan, anyway."
"We're sorry? I… think?" Morgan hesitantly apologized.
"I'm not!" Russo yelled over muffled whumps, increasingly bitter bleats, and worried aroos. "Dax! Would you just... you're not helping!" Bumping up against the wolf, Dax's plump padding cushioning the impact, Russo groaned as he harmlessly soaked up more of Tevenitta's punches. "Dax! MOVE."
The wolf wailed as he contined to fill in for, if not overflow, Russo's shadow. "I can't!"
"Worry not, Dax!" Norn decreed. "Tevenitta, in her infuriated state, can't be bothered to concern herself with her burgled belongings!"
"Really?" The human swung a fist forward and sent his knuckles crashing against the sheep's own. A thunderous clap echoed among the pines as facsimiles of stone and scale made contact with one another.
"Master, please," Jin and Estelle grumbled in unison.
"She... she gets like this," the rat shrugged.
Estelle rolled her hulking shoulders. "Tevi's stubborn is what she is. Nothing else matters until she can beat you on her terms, right here, right now, with nothing but the fat of her fists. Just let her tire herself out."
Lips pulled flat, Russo turtled up. With every punch thrown, accompanied by wordless grunts and bleats, he found himself shifting back on his feet. Those bruised and calloused hands of hers refused to let up. "And that's supposed to take how long?"
Estelle lazily bobbed her head side to side. "Depends. You're not in a hurry or anything are you?" the maned wolf snorted.
"Auuuuuuuuuuuuugh," Russo moaned.
Morgan cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted. "Humor her, would you? It's not a great look to beat up our hosts two days in a row and counting."
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGH," the human groaned even louder in response.
Dax timidly stepped out from Russo's shadow. Bow clutched tigthly to his chest, his pudgy fingers curled around the string pulled taut, the wolf shrank in the presence of the sheep.
Tevenitta clenched her stony fingers and swung.
A bitter rush of air sailed past Dax's puffy cheeks. Whimpering, he clenched his eyes shut at the sensation of... not being hit.
THWACK
The etheral scales coating Russo's gloves pulsed when Tevenitta's knuckles clacked against them.
"Just waddle on over here already," Estelle called out.
Dax's tail timidly wagged behind him. "O-oh." The wolf's patchwork cloak bounced against his ankles as he not quite jogged over to the others.
Clearing her throat, Morgan spoke. "This here is Dax! He's our... umm..." She scrunched her lips. "Dax? What are you, anyway?" the raccoon asked.
Russo instinctively wheezed.
"I mean I know you're Russo's apprentice..." she clarified before the wolf had a chance to respond.
The mage heaved a sigh of relief.
THWUMP
“Sucks to suck, huh?” Russo taunted. “Had the drop on us and everything and that still wasn’t enough!”
WHACK
A scowl plastered itself upon Russo's scruffy visage. "You're gonna falter eventually. You do know that, right?"
CRACK
Fissures spread throughout the scales lining the mage's limbs. "Ohhhhhhh shit and so am I."
Nodding furiously, Dax's excited barks drowned out his beloved teacher's increasingly frantic and panicked shouts. "I am! He really didn’t want me to be but he started teaching me anyway and now I’m learning magic and casting spells and and and…"
The rhythm of Tevenitta's muffled impacts slowed even as the sheep all but willed her arms to lurch out of their sockets towards her hated acquaintance. Though her blows grew ever weaker, Russo's crumbling defenses permitted ever more blunt force trauma to seep through with each of the sheep's successive blows.
Russo's wrists set alight in agony as the shielding spell peeled away. The nerves within them, pinched between those bruised bones, vehemently protested against the continued use of the mage's limbs.
"Dax? Master Nadie made no mention of you in her letter..." Norn hummed. "Though it isn't unlike Master Varun to veer off script."
"So that's where he got it from," Morgan smirked.
Norn pondered particularly loudly in an unsubtle attempt to drown out Russo's wails. "Perhaps he saw in this an opportunity for you that we did not!"
PHWACK
Tevenitta's clenched fist slipped between, and forced apart, Russo's weakly pressed together gloves.
The human winced while his arms flung out to his sides. The muscles in his forearms simply opted to clock out for the day as both his magically conjured armor and his plot armor failed him. "Noooo," Russo shouted in grudging disbelief.
Shambling forward, Tevenitta literally threw herself behind her next punch.
"NO NO NO," Russo acked. Stumbling backwards, he unceremoniously slipped upon and collapsed onto a bed of pine needles. Prone and helpless, Russo settled into the permafrost and awaited his beating.
So committed was Tevenitta to her course of action though that she trampled across, rather than tenderized, the mage's form. Various oofs, groans, and pained wheezes escaped from Russo's lungs as the sheep's hooves stamped all over his groin, ribs, and face.
WHUMPH
A tired bleat escaped from Tevenitta's lips when she smacked into, and promptly slumped down, along the base of a frost covered tree. Her chin scraped noisily against the coarse bark during her descent.
Muzzle scrunched, Estelle took stock of the muted if not embarrassing conclusion. "So the unstoppable idiot meets the immovable ingrate. Can't say I'm disappointed."
Misting breath wafted up from around Russo's head. “So is now a good time to introduce myself?" he painfully mumbled.
Jin's jaw hung slack while he chewed on a response. Clearing his throat, he turned to the wolf. "...What again has Russo been teaching you, Dax?"
"It's certainly a start!" Morgan remarked at the glistening orb of water sloshing above Dax's cupped together palms.
Tail wagging furiously behind him, Dax beamed at the raccoon.
Tyr dared to reach forward and prod at the clear liquid with a clawed finger. Ripples coursed across its placid surface. "Your channeling is consistent… and self-stabilizing! You've definitely been practicing."
The torrent of praise proved too much to handle. Dax's concentration immediately faltered and, accordingly, the Water spell collapsed into a puddle at his feet. "Ooops..." The wolf bunched his toes together as stage fright settled in and he pocketed the now spent, and soaking, magical crystal that had been wrapped around his fingers.
"Don't sweat it," Estelle reassured her fellow wolf. "I sucked something fierce too when I was first starting out. Keep at it and you'll eventually get the hang of things."
"Estelle," Jin flatly stated.
"What? It was a compliment!"
"A backhanded one!" Jin pointedly remarked.
Master Norn chuckled at the compliments and classless critiques tossed Dax’s way before slinging his puffy limbs over both Russo and Tevenitta’s shoulders. In unison, they grunted as they were pulled close. “Now that you’re thoroughly exhausted, and incapable of killing one another, why not properly introduce yourselves?” the Kovous guild master asked.
“Do I have to?” Tevenitta sniped back through clenched teeth.
“Yes!” Norn cheerily commanded of her as light hearted laughter billowed out from his shrouded hood. “Here, I’ll even get you started!”
“Ow ow ow ow ow! OKAY,” Tevenitta whined when Norn grabbed hold of a wooly arm and proceeded to wave it at the rest of the group for her. She donned an unseen scowl, hidden by the mop of white hair draped over her face, and grudgingly spoke. "The name's Tevenitta," she said.
The gathered guild members, some more enthusiastically than others, played along. “Hi Tevenitta,” came back the chorus.
Norn sagely nodded along. "And what do you do, Tevenitta?"
Tyridia raised his hand to interject. "Ranger, right?"
"Obviously," Tevenitta spat. "And a damn good one at that!"
"Ehhh," Russo dismissively snorted. The mage shuddered as Norn took to slapping against his aching everything.
"Thank you, Tevenitta!" said Norn. "And how about you? Hailing all the way from Tedrah we have here..."
"Stop. Stop. STOP. PLEASE," Russo pleaded as Norn continued to slap at his back. "It's Russo! Russo, Russo, Russo!” Pain, arcing bundles of it, coursed across Russo’s person with every successive whack.
Tevenitta donned a smug and self-satisfied grin. “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that!”
“Yes you did!” the mage yelled as he could feel a mitten clad hand hover over his shoulders.
Shaking her head side to side, Tevenitta tutted. “Preeeeeeeeeetty sure I didn’t. Master Norn, could you encourage him to give it another go?”
SLAP
“AUGH,” Russo shrieked. “It’s Russo!”
The sheep took to stroking at her chin. “Say again?”
WHAP
“Russo! R-U-S-S-O!”
Tevenitta snickered fiendishly. “And one last time?”
“I DON’T LIKE YOU,” the human shouted.
Norn mercifully, finally, relented. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Russo! Why not tell us something about yourself?”
“Okay. I’m. Um. A mage,” Russo rambled off to a start. An aimless sense of bumbling soon gave way to dread when he felt Norn’s hand rise from his shoulders. “And I rely way too much on Teleportation magic!”
“Ooh ooh! What about something we don’t already know?” a certain portly apprentice barked.
“DAX.” Before Russo could even so much as fantasize about strangling the wolf the threat of being ‘encouraged’ to present more to the group at large made itself manifest. The hairs on the back of his neck brushed against the Norn’s open mitteny palm. Stammering, Russo continued to plod along. “Like what?”
Estelle thrummed her monstrous fingers against her elbows while she playfully hum hum hummed.
“I don’t even know who you are! Why are you piling on?” Russo protested to the maned wolf.
“No real reason,” Estelle playfully shrugged. “Oh, I know! Any particular monsters you fear? Irrationally or otherwise?” Her lips parted to reveal a toothy smile when Russo squinted back at her. “Just curious is all! No ulterior motives whatsoever, I assure you.”
The mage bit down on his tongue knowing he could only stall for so long. Cheeks puffed out, Russo mumbled out an unintelligible answer.
“Hmmm?” Tevenitta prodded as she flicked an ear and cupped a hand against it.
“Demons,” Russo whispered.
“Louder!” Estelle gleefully barked back.
Slouched forward, Russo hesitantly raised his voice. “Demons! There! Fine!” he exclaimed.
Eyes half lidded, the maned wolf shook her head. “That’s like saying solids are your favorite food,” she retorted.
Licking his lips, Dax salivated at the mere mention, even in abstract, of sustenance.
“No, Dax,” Russo said with a roll of his eyes. “And why am I getting so many damn questions?” he complained. The human pointed a finger towards Tevenitta. “All she had to do was drop her name in between pissing and moaning!”
“Now Russo…” Master Norn tutted.
“And what even ARE you for that matter?” the human asked of Norn. “Like… seriously what is with you and all those layers? What are you hiding under there?”
PAT
“AUGH.”
Estelle clapped her hands together as she leaned back and forth on the balls of her paws. “Anyywayyyyyyy. You were saying?”
Tyridia gently elbowed at Jin. “Are Estelle and Tevenitta always like this?”
The rat nodded tiredly. “When the novelty of ragging on each other wears off? Absolutely. Can’t say I mind them having found someone else to turn their sights on though,” he weakly laughed.
Once more, Tyr leaned in to nudge at the rat. “And now that Russo’s broached it… why is Master Norn dressed like that?” he whispered.
“What and ruin the surprise?” Jin chuckled.
“…Yes? Please?”
Jin’s prehensile tail undulated against the forest floor while he shook his head side to side. “You’ll see in due time,” he cryptically answered.
Nostrils flared, Russo noisily inhaled the frigid air before letting out a particularly frustrated and drawn out sigh.
“Again, I ask,” Estelle cheekily inquired, “Can you be a little more specific than that?”
Russo’s arms, hanging down limply from his shoulders, flopped against his thighs every time he attempted to speak. “The… the…” A grunt forced its way up from his throat as he choked on his answer. “The… the… the whore kind.”
All eyes settled on the human.
“The whore kind!” Russo all but shouted before shrinking in on himself.
"Context please," Estelle, Jin, and Tevenitta immediately requested.
"Oh ho! You must mean Umbra!" Norn immediately retorted. "While I do question your taste in women, I must laud you for besting such a monstrous foe! Fine work capturing, and imprisoning, her within Yash’s stony halls!"
Chin tucked against his chest, Russo tapped his boots together while his cheeks burned bright. “I mean let’s be real that was mostly Nadie…” he embarrassedly trailed off.
Wrinkles formed in the mask of black fur wrapped around Morgan’s eyes. “Isn’t that supposed to remain kind of… you know… hush hush?” she asked.
“Yes! However, I find myself agreeing with the point made earlier by young Dax! Surely Russo can surprise us with yet untold tales! ”
Estelle’s eyes lit up. “You mean there’s a story to this? And an honest to goodness monster to go with it?”
Norn swung his arms wildly and just barely avoided bopping Russo. “Most certainly! None of which I’m supposed to divulge!”
Morgan’s ringed tail flit warily behind her. “Master Norn that doesn’t really address my concerns so much as exacerbate them,” she said with a wince.
Jin and Estelle dismissively waved at the raccoon, for entirely different reasons, to let it go.
“Whyyyyyyy,” Russo wailed. What was there left to cough up? The mage’s eyes bounced around in their sockets as he entertained his options and practiced his deliveries within the privacy of his own head. “Something interesting about me, huh? Gosh, well now that I think about it did you know that I’ve shot the shit with primordial darkness given sentient and horrifying physical form? Hell I’m indebted to him even! Kept in line with casual threats of mass murder and bodily mutilation,” he thought. “Oh but if that’s too dour maybe you want to hear about the time I met his equal and opposite! The primordial light that some of you may or may not worship? Turns out she’s a genocidal and terrifyingly competent psychopath who despises each and every one of us for simply having the gall to exist. Turns out you’re religioning wrong, who knew?!”
“Any time now,” Tevenitta egged him on.
Exasperated, Russo rolled his eyes and angrily jazz-handed at the crowd. Scales briefly flickered, and faded, along the contours of his gloves. “Iunno! A dragon rode my ass into some snow banks a few weeks back and all I have is this spell to show for it. That good enough?!”
An awkward silence settled over the forest while everyone present digested said revelation.
“Oh shit, phrasing,” Russo blurted out in belated realization.
Dax hrmmed and scratched at a cheek. “So you gave them a piggyback ride?” the wolf asked.
Russo reached up and tugged the hood of his cloak down over his face. “No, Dax.”
“Ooh ooh! Were they a little dragon?” Dax followed up.
“NO, DAX.”
Jin rubbed the back of his knuckles against his neck while he queued up his question. “Mind if I ask what kind of dragon?”
“Why do I do this to myself?” the human forlornly asked himself. Fine. Whatever. He was damn good at digging holes for himself so why the fuck not keep at it. “She was a… silvery-grey, I guess?”
“She?” Norn intruded. “I must confess, Russo, you have quite the eclectic taste in women!”
“OH MY GOD, NO,” Russo wailed into his hood. “I mean, y-yes, I like older women but that’s not…”
Creases lined Estelle’s forehead as she found herself deep in though. “Aren’t dragons positively ancient though?”
Thoroughly flummoxed, Russo blindly grasped out at whatever coherent thoughts he could cobble together. “Yes? Maybe? Kaya probably had a couple centuries on her but-”
“So she is your type!” Estelle declared with a snap of her fingers. “And on a first name basis with her even,” she followed up with a snicker.
“GOD.”
Tyridia cocked his head and mulled over his contribution to the actively unfolding disaster. “What were you doing with a dragon, anyway?”
A slurry of syllables tumbled forth from Russo’s mouth before they combined together into something approximating words. “We joined forces to double team another why did I just say it like that.” Clearing his throat, Russo held his hands out before him and sought to start anew. “Redo. Redo redo redo! Right, so, me and Kaya were working together to pin down Greg-”
“Who the hell’s Greg?” Tevenitta butted in thoroughly confused.
“Another dragon,” Russo explained. “He was a fire-breathing asshole-”
“Wait a guy dragon, now? Was he the one that rode your ass?” Tevenitta bleated hopelessly lost and confused.
Hands cupped against his face, muffled screams escaped from the gaps between Russo’s gloved fingers. “Morgan,” he resignedly mumbled into his palms, “Anything you’d like to add to my funeral pyre? Don’t want you feeling left out or anything.”
The white mage curled her ringed tail around her waist and cocked a brow. “Nahhhhhh, I’m good. You’re self-immolating just fine all on your own.”
“You’re too kind,” Russo glumly answered.
One catastrophic implosion of Russo’s self-respect later
“I’ll still never get over how the more outlandish a story is the more believable it is coming from you,” Morgan wearily laughed.
“We done watching me humiliate myself?” Russo said with a grimace.
“I mean I’m still game if you all are,” Tevenitta replied. Hands clasped together, the sheep turned expectantly towards the others. “Anyone? Anyone at all? No?”
“To think, you befriended a Mica dragon!” Jin remarked thoroughly impressed.
“Friends is pushing it,” the mage tiredly snipped back. “Kaya tolerated me.”
“Guess not,” Tevenitta bleated somewhat disappointed. “Hey! You! Yes, you, the wolf! Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you!” she shouted as she trudged towards him.
Fingers steepled, Estelle hummed. “Would she tolerate you enough to say… swing by and introduce her to an acquaintance of yours?”
“No,” Russo said with a roll of his eyes. “I think I’m good on introductions. Forever.”
The maned wolf continued to press the subject. “Maybe not introduce me so much as… lead me to her?”
“Yeah, no.”
“Well how about-”
“How about no?” Russo emphasized with an emphatic frown.
Estelle narrowed her gaze. “You’re really not doing yourself any favors here.”
Russo kicked a cloud of pine needles at her in response.
Shivering, Tyridia huffed and puffed at the fox fire cupped between his palms. “Now that we’ve had our meet and greet can we maybe relocate? Preferably somewhere inside?”
“Surely we cannot!” Norn enthusiastically proclaimed. The bundled up guild master, via overly exaggerated sweeping motions, ushered everyone towards him. “Now that we are all gathered we may finally address the matter that brought us together in the first place!”
“Nooooo,” Dax wailed.
“Worry not, Dax! You’ll have ample opportunities to-”
“Noooooooooo,” the chunky wolf howled as he engaged in a tug of war with Tevenitta over ownership of what was clearly her bow.
Norn carried on without missing a beat. “You’ll have ample opportunities to engage in petty theft! The task at hand all but demands it!”
“Seriously?” Morgan, Russo, and Tyr asked not quite in unison.
“But of course! Surely Master Nadie explained to you as such? Our desire to ingratiate the guilds and facilitate travel between them?”
The fox nodded. “She ran a lot of ‘hypotheticals’ past us about that.”
“Regarding the use of enormous crystals and a practically boundless amount of magic contained within them, specifically,” Morgan added.
“Precisely!” Master Norn replied as he threw his arms up above his head. “Both of which we lack! Fortunately for us, the local deities happen to be in possession of such things! However, they very well aren’t going to casually volunteer such valuable treasures.”
“Soooo… what?” Russo asked incredulously. “We need to suck up to and brown nose them to get the goods?”
“Oh heavens no!” Norn laughed as he playfully swatted at the air. “No no no! They’re much too proud to ever entertain that. We’re just going to take it from them.”
“I-I’m sorry but I think we misheard you. What?” Coughing, Morgan unsuccessfully tried to stifle her nervous laughter.
Blinking repeatedly, Russo found himself caught flat footed by the sheer audacity of what was being proposed. Breaking and entering? Sure. Grave robbing? Easy peasy. This though? Not even he was so bold to think he could pull off a smash and grab on the gods themselves. Lesser gods compared to what he was used to, sure, but gods all the same.
“Won’t they be, you know, spiteful? Smiteful? Angry, very angry, if we did that?” Tyridia asked as his ears tucked against his head.
“Nah,” Jin said with a shrug. “Game recognizes game. If we can manage to outwit a god then we’ve earned it.”
Estelle flashed a toothy, if not monstrous, grin. “Provided you survive the attempt of course. No pressure or anything,” she taunted.
Russo ran a hand through his hair and sighed while pitiful barks and frustrated bleats, echoing through the forest, set the mood. “Dare I ask how bad it can get?” the human thought to himself. “I mean the bar is set pretty low. But, I’m sure I’ll find a way to trip over it. I always do.”
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 95 x 120px
File Size 170.7 kB
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