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Bad blood - chapter one: the pass
This is a story I'm dong for NaNoWriMo. It's a crass over of two games I like, you can tell one of them. It's just cover the back story a bit so deal with it.
Category Story / Pokemon
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 119px
File Size 56.9 kB
You seem to mix up on the future, present, and past tenses. I've had to struggle to understand what word really meant what in the correct tense.
Capitalize people's names, even if they are being talked about.
Some words are misspelled,
When you do talking bits you can 2 things,
1.) Start the sentence with it.
2.) End the sentence with it.
Sometimes the talking bits are a little to short to feel the character, you give a good enough explanation of the character, but they can sometimes just sound dull to.
Like I said I give harsh reviews to people, I liked the story, it just needs some tweaking.
Capitalize people's names, even if they are being talked about.
Some words are misspelled,
When you do talking bits you can 2 things,
1.) Start the sentence with it.
2.) End the sentence with it.
Sometimes the talking bits are a little to short to feel the character, you give a good enough explanation of the character, but they can sometimes just sound dull to.
Like I said I give harsh reviews to people, I liked the story, it just needs some tweaking.
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