Wow, how cool would that be? :D

OMG YOUR'E WRITING AGAIN! YAAAAAAAA*left eye bursts*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*ears start bleeding*AAAAAAA-*inhales*-AAAAAAAAAA....
*Two years later*
AAAAAAAY!

Constructive comments, plz?

>.> Fine. Put an end to my celebration. Meanie.

JK.
Anyway, the snippets of text are descriptive enough that I can imagine the entire story visually. Maybe you could use this style to plan out longer stories.

Thanks. I had a story, but I hate fleshing it out.
Call it minimalist muscle-building for literature... -3-

I just jot down any ideas on a little notebook, then later I find ones that go together.

Ah, cool.
I just wing it, usually
Though I sometimes plan...
In a little notebook XD

Hmm... have you ever read Ulysses by James Joyce? :)

Can't say I have.

It's (apparently) a classic novel, parts written in a style called stream of consciousness, that might appeal to you :) It's by James Joyce, check it out :) (ask your English teacher, they'll be excited you're asking about it ;) )

really emotive text, well done n_n

Thanks a bunch X3

Story... or poetry? Like Ray Bradbury, it straddles that line, though in a completely different way.

Great stuff, man...

I think this style is quite great. Absolutely brilliant for lazy people. *raises hand* The story itself was just adorable. >W< Sad that he had to leave though, but that doesn't hurt the story itself at all. =3

Another great one, Matt.

Hmmm, as reading via a link on the forum, this is kinda cool, interesting ling, but kind of confusing on how its put on, like a pole of text XP

On a random note, ever heard of a epic? Its a epic was to tell a story in poem form where you barley need to even try to make it sound like a poem unless your trying hard enough.

Yeah, I've heard of an epic.
Had to read The Odyssey over the summer.

Just a random suggestion, if you personally like the style your using now, you might want to try making a epic, they can be interesting practice writing, as well as being a rarity (I think I am the only one who has done them on this site really XP) But yea, you might be good at it.

I must say, this is an excellent piece! A good rhythmn, a marvellous emotional texture... bravo!

Thank you kindly! I'm quite proud of it. ^w^

And rightly so! It's brilliant. The only poetry I can generally manage are silly limericks.

I'm wondering if you've read Pynchon. While he's not minimalist, in _Gravity's Rainbow_ he tends to write in disjointed sentences. I'd recommend Pynchon. Though maybe not GR.

Anyway, here's criticism/commentary.

- - -

Line-by-line

"Step into the garage one October night" (1)

I feel like this is a weird way to begin the poem, especially because the succeeding months are introduced on their own lines ("November" [34], "December" [49] "January" [64]). Anyway, it kind of sticks out. I don't think it sticks out for a good reason.

"Shutting the door, light clicks off" (6)

This feels weird to me as well, especially because most of the lines are commands to the reader. It kind of works? But I'd consider looking at it. You might think that it should stay as is. *shrug*

"Mom went shopping. Popsicles / Score" (12-13)

I like these lines, because they feel realistic and give the reader a specific voice.

"It speaks / Fall flat on your ass / Holy crap / You say you'll be back" (30-33)

I like that we (the readers) don't find out what the dragon says during the first encounter. I'm not sure if I like "fall flat on your ass," mostly because it's an overused phrase, but I liked the execution at that part.

"You tell him stories / Sing some songs / Things you remember / It tells you things" (41-44)

Weird pronoun disagreement here. Is the dragon a "he" or an "it"?

"Bleak and frigid" (51)

I get "frigid", but why "bleak"? Do you mean like, "dark", or do you actually mean "bleak", as in, the narrator thinks that the future looks bleak? Because that's what usually comes to mind when I see the word "bleak" is impending danger.

"Look outside at a blanket / White powder a foot deep" (66-67)

I like the imagery, but I wonder if it belongs in a minimalist-like poem.

"No ones awake" (70)

No one's* awake. I think it's a typo, anyway.

"Long night of partying / You take your friend / Stand out in the powder / Snow stings your cheeks / You don't care" (71-75)

I'm not sure if this fits. Like, it makes sense, but it doesn't make sense in a poem that's supposed to be minimalist, and it doesn't make sense in the context of the narrator. Until this point, you've exclusively been talking about the dragon. And it's not like you've eased the reader into the whole extra-dragon part of the MC's life, so it feels out of place.

"You'll see him off today / He spreads his wings / You smile" (76-78)

I like this set of lines. It drives home the point of the poem, which was alluded to earlier. I like how you began to tie it up.

"You say you want to see him again / He says the same / Goodbye / Off he goes / Into the white sky" (80-84)

I like this set of lines. It's a common theme, but it doesn't feel terribly cliched at this point.

"Start to cry / Tears freeze / The smile does too / Man oh man / You wish you could fly with him." (86-90)

And I really like this ending. I think it ends perfectly, not too early, not too late. The whole crying part doesn't come off as cliched, and the "Man oh man" line feels genuine, mostly because the voice has been established fairly well throughout the poem.

- - -

General Thoughts

I enjoyed it. I think you did well with the minimalist form, but could either tighten it up more to make it even more minimalist, or you could broaden the poem a bit, to ease into the whole "party" scene I mentioned above. Not sure which direction you'd like to move with this, but you can definitely move places.

One thing I noticed is that you used very little punctuation. I'd look over the punctuation at the beginning again and see if it fits. If you should cut some of it out, or if you should add a little bit more. Because it seems like after line 25, you have zero punctuation.

- - -

Anyway, that's what I got. Hope it helps some. ^ ^''

WOAH, wasn't expecting such a long winded comment at all!
Thanks a ton for the feedback, and yeah, I do realize there are some inconsistencies, but I didn't much feel like fixing them, considering I had no intention of having this become anything more than it is.
I'm not much of a writer anymore, so it's difficult for me to do stuff like this. However, this came out rather naturally, and I didn't have much of an intention to fix all the little things.
It was more a personal choice, really, and I know it looks awkward, but it's how I put it down, and now I really have no desire to fix it.
I don't want you to think that your review was all for naught, because it isn't. This could really help me out if I want to attempt something like this again in the future, so I will say this: Thank you very much. :)

Ahhh, no prob. Though I think it's a pity that you're not writing anymore after this piece. Then again, I'm completely biased towards written art in general. :P

Well, you're free to poke around my gallery and comment on my other written pieces. ^^

Probably the cutest thing I've read in a long time.

This almost feels timeless, like something that should be read as a bedtime story. I mean that in the best possible way.