A commission for  i_never_exist

Thumbnail art by  heartman98

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Large Belches from Log Cabin

Lorenz the sergal met the giant blue falcon, Helena, at an MMORPG tournament in the city. The tourney organizers had granted Helena the permission to fly over the roofless dome and watch from above, since she had paid her fair share but could not fit in any of the seats. After all, she was 166’ tall, about 28 times taller than your average tourney goer.

Lorenz made the finals of the tourney, so he caught her attention; and Helena, being extremely large, caught the sergal’s attention too. And so they met on the stadium after the tourney, chatted it up and enjoyed each other’s company. They even learned that one particular subject enthused both of them to the extent that it was sexually attracting: belches.

The sergal could not help but want to hear her burps, after she shared that knowledge with him. He blushed, and when he asked her to belch for him, so did she, because no one had ever shared the same interest before. She brooded over his request, then her emerald-striped mohawk of feathers perked up! What better time to learn more about someone than dinner-time? What better occasion to get her huge gut churning and her large beak ousting the largest belches? So she agreed to burping for him, under one condition (this, she informed him with a wink): He would have lunch with her.

She hastily added that she would pay the bill on her end (because her hunger was as large as she was). Though, there was no need for her to do so, Lorenz told her; money was of little concern to him because he owned a large corporation. He invited her to his vacation log cabin for the weekend. She chirpily accepted.

Normally, he privately jetted to the place, but this time he rode her back to the jet clearing, then she hiked up a cleared hill to his cabin.

“Lorenz, it’s like a castle!”

Even though she loomed several storeys over the cabin, its enormity and grandeur got a reaction out of the falcon.

Lorenz chuckled. “Have you ever seen a castle, Helena? I think they are much bigger, and more Gothic.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I’m sure this is one—it has the towers, the pointed tile roofs with spirals. And it must be four or five storeys tall—the tallest tower almost reaches my belly.”

Lorenz laughed. “Your belly may be larger than the whole cabin by the time I’m through with you.”

“Does that mean I’m being treated to an expensive dinner?” she asked, blushing a little.

Lorenz said nothing; he simply leaped to her shoulder, slid down her arm and then skipped off of it, landing on a wooden handrail then leaping onto the vast half-circle balcony of the third storey. As he rose, behind him a servant lifted a metal cover, revealing an Italian cuisine on a white tablecloth.

Lorenz happily sat down, adjusted his seat to the table then said, “Bon appetit!”

“But what about me?”

Helena wasn’t trying to be rude; she had simply been hyped up to expect a lot, and she was rather hungry. Her tummy gurgled, nearly rattling Lorenz’ plate off of his table. The sergal smirked, reached under his table then pressed a small red button.

“You might want to back up a bit.”

The earth beneath Helena’s feet rumbled, and something as wide as her belly and dome-shaped began to rise from underground, breaking through the loam. She let out a yelp and fanned her wings to eject herself off her feet and down the slope, which breezed Lorenz and his table set up a couple yards toward the closest face of the cabin.

Where Helena had once stood, there rose a giant hill-shaped dinner cover of stainless steel, erected on a great metal platform of foldable beams. Rocket boosters sparked on at 36 places around the circumference of the cover’s rim, before they shot the cover into the sky and revealed a ginormous Italian dinner, including spaghetti, lasagna, meatballs, breadsticks, parsley and tiramisu.

“Wh-why, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m not quite sure if I can eat all that!” the falcon confessed with a blush, flattered that the sergal had treated her to such a filling meal.

“If there’s any you can’t finish, we’ll prepare you a to-go box.” Lorenz’s smile stretched behind his eyes. “I’ve already seen to having refrigeration installed inside of a box befitting of someone your size.”

“That’s so sweet of you, Lorenz!” She reached over her macro Italian meal and stroked Lorenz’ head with one of her claws, chirping with content. “I owe you a couple of rides on my back for this.”

Lorenz nuzzled into her talon. “Please, do eat before dinner gets cold.”

So the two of them placed on their laps napkins embedded with the first letter of their names, then dug into their dishes using silverware that made sense for their sizes.

The salty, saucy food filled Helena right up.

With a belly full of yummy carbohydrates, Helena watched the platform descend into the ground then come back up all clear for her to sit on and be at eye-level with her dinner date.

Sitting criss-cross, she sighed. The warm, fragrant Italian blast of her breath fogged the third-storey windows beside Lorenz and made the sergal fluff up. He was crushing on her a little, and his heart beat in anticipation. She clapped her swollen, round sky-blue belly, and a gurgle resounded from the crest of the dome. The sound ruffled her feathery middle, made Lorenz’s silverware tingle and elicited creaks of wood all around the structure of Lorenz’s cabin.

Copying her, Lorenz clapped his distended belly of white fluff. He grabbed the bottom of his seat to angle himself toward Helena, then rubbed the taut surface of his gut in circles, pedalling his feet playfully to the melody of borborygmi that resounded. Helena smiled wide and gently leaned her large head close, tilting it so that she would hear and feel the gust of air when it erupted.

As quick as a hiccup, a bubble of gas rolled up the sergal’s fluffy throat. A hearty burp rolled out of him, sounding like a timid, satiating growl. The deep noise resounded for almost three whole seconds, surprising the sergal. He clapped his slightly shrunken gut with pride, and Helena turned to him and giggled.

“I rather liked that,” she said softly, so that the balcony only trembled a little from the boom of her beak. “You do realize what you’ve gotten yourself into? Now, I’m gonna have to show you my belches.” She winked at him as she stroked her taut, squiggling belly flesh with her wings, provoking the deep, wet sloshes and the gurgly mayhem of the gases trapped within.

“I’m okay with that,” Lorenz said modestly.

Of course, he was more than okay. He wanted her to hear the gases roar from her massive kaiju abdomen, no matter how gross they sounded and smelled, no matter how much destruction they caused.

“I will warn you,” she said teasingly, “I haven’t been this full and gassy in ages. Nor have I ever let out my biggest burps, in fear that I would damage something. But now that we’re out in the woods with plenty of open space, I’m not going to hold back.”

She groped deeper into her stomach, drooping her beak so that the tips of her agape maw hung only a few yards above him and ten yards ahead of him. He stared into that massive, toothless maw beyond the scything end of her beak as she chuffed and beat his fur back with a breath of labor. Her stomach bloated, cramped; and her wings forced literal tons of gurgly pressure up her craw, which barely even visibly deflated her belly.

“Buuuuwruuuuwuuueehhheeaaaapp~!”

The gargantuan belch rumbled the house’s whole foundation. The huge blast of bass battered the earth with quakes and congested the air with cacophonous, malodorous saucy gas, shattering the glass windowed facade of the third storey and demolishing the handrail of the balcony. Moaning, Lorenz windmilled over himself as the hideous, raunchy belch of the giant bird whipped him and his table set up and all the fractals of the handrail through an aperture of broken glass. The slobbery monster belch slicked him against a door to a master bedroom as the falcon purged herself without any fear of the consequences. The burp plunged into deeper tones, ripping apart the leather of sofas and seats and peeling away the skins of wood around him as the cabin itself pled for mercy, lurching uneasily. He could feel her raw, gastric power rattling his bones and arresting his movements as her lips let the gross maelstrom fluctuate with a lewd, blood-curdling array of groans and harrumphs and snarl-like timbres.

When the belch ceased, Lorenz lay panting in sheer bliss on the floor of his home. The stench would never fade from his home. What would have been perceived as merely a rude eructation from someone else had utterly decimated the third storey of his vacation stay, and yet Helena would admit that she had been holding back.

“I’m sorry! Are you hurt, Lorenz? When I realized how out of hand the belch was getting, I tried to hold back … but oohhh, I’m so bloated … and g-gassy … I don’t know if I will be able to refrain from burping even louder the next time.”

“Don’t,” Lorenz muttered. “Don’t worry about me, Helena. Promise me you’ll let yourself go. Promise me you’ll let out your biggest, crudest belches without any worries of me or anyone or anything else.”

A sickening quake of gurgles then caused the cabin to whimper. It sounded like a dying breath of the structure. “I don’t know if I could do otherwise, even if I wanted, at this point, Lorenz.” Helena clutched her gut, looking strained, and she hiccuped a few times. Lorenz’s body hopped from the massive sounds, and then the belly of the falcon bloated even bigger with gas, becoming the kaiju equivalent of an exercise ball in size. “Here it comes … ohhhhhhh goodness.

“URrrRRrrRRRoooOOOAAaaAAAaaHHhHHHhhhuUUuuURRwwwRrrrhhhhhhhhHHHPPP~!!”

The belch swatted her beak open, flinging gigantic ropes of slather over the cabin as hot hurricane gusts of air bellowed from her cavernous maw. The cabin of the sergal could not stand against the herculean expulsion from the gigantic, gassy falcon; the front facades of the cabin splintered and vapourized and the foundation broke apart, and the whole cabin erupted as though struck close-up by an atomic power. Lorenz moaned as her belch obliterated his vacation home as though it were nothing; as it swatted him through the woods, sent surges of gaseous heat through the forestry and bulldozed through the mountainside.

Soon, the belch reached such a high level of power, the blast collapsed the side of the mountain entire; and its goliath echo reverberated harshly through the country, as the stench of the food in her gut blitzed over forests and towns and cities, terraforming the region with an acidic atmosphere, quaking its lands and mounts and places of society.

Even after her burp rolled completely from her lips, the rolling of thunder resounded through multiple counties and rumbled the earth for dozens of miles. But that belch was nothing. It only slimmed the curve of her domed belly for a second, before her gut metabolized more of her meal and gave her the worst bloat she had ever felt before. That second belch was simply the calm before the storm, and now the storm was awake and angry. It was grumbling and groaning and roaring, tossing her macro stomach this way and that!

The great falcon staggered to her feet, thrown back by the wrath of her swollen belly. And then, almost her entire belly bulge seemed to gush up below her chest, and a gargantuan dome of gas geysered up through her gullet, heralding the coming of a truly apocalyptic belch.

“BUWRRRRUUURRRRRRHHHHHHHHHRRRRHHOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRHHHHWWWRRRRRPPPPPPPPPMMMPPHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Her beak shot open, and her maw purged an uncontrollable flood of tempests and pothers and borborygmi that broke free from her blimped-up belly region. As the thundering, roaring, grinding groan rushed out from her digestive system and unto the earth, the very ground shattered into fissures and crumbled. Layers of earth melted as the glorious burp swept counties and states, and soon swept the whole country. The orb that was Earth shuddered from her location. Rings of bass unfurled over the globe as the rude belch droned on for minutes, sweeping the coasts of their oceans and further shattering the corners of the planet.

Cracks adventured all across the Earth’s surface, before the pathetic planet could no longer brace itself against the gurgly tummy rumble of the great big falcon: The world exploded into pieces.

And even though outer space normally prohibits sound, that monstrous burp didn’t care; it roared and howled and let its hullabaloo drown the open space in waves of noise, until after a full minute, it finally perished.

Lorenz the sergal floated in space, smiling sheepishly, as happy as could be. He seemed not to care that the winds of her stomach had literally destroyed the planet; the Earth was a worthy sacrifice for him to hear how majestically she could belch. And besides, he had an oxygen-replenishing device on his person that he had put on earlier to keep himself from suffocating from Helena’s belches.

He soon felt a wing-arm of the falcon wrap around him; and the great blanket of feathers steered him to the beak of Helena. She gave him a big, affectionate smooch.

“Did I let myself go enough for you?” she teased.

“Uhhhm …” The sergal scratched behind his neck, then said with an adoring grin, “Could you maybe burp on me one more time?”

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