Artwork by  AttacRacc

"Hey Mom, what kind of place did you grow up in?"

Picaro's question left Philei a bit... Frazzled, for lack of a better word. It didn't seem like it'd be something worth going into earlier- Why would her son wanna know where she grew up? She kicks her feet up on the dash of the RV and shrugs, answering in her typical blunt fashion. "Not a real good one."

"Well I knew that but, like... Where? I wanna know! Did you grow up here in Alola too?" The persistent pinniped questions, bouncing in place with excitement like he always does. Something tells Philei it's not a question he's gonna drop.

"Johto. Little ways outside Goldenrod." She'd respond, shooting her boy a slight glare to try and deter any further prodding. This, of course, has absolutely no effect.

"Can we go sometime?! I wanna see the house you grew up in!"

"Kid, what's got you so interested in that?" The mother admits defeat, pinching the bridge of her nose. What was she gonna do, fight the kid over this? He's only 12. Of course he's gonna have questions about the mom he just met.

"I dunno! I just think it'd be cool to like, go there and like, walk in my mom's shoes a little!" The irony of him literally wearing her old boots is not lost on her, of course. Most of his punk look was just leftover hand-me-downs from her own stash. Not like they fit her anymore.

"There's people there I don't want finding me, Picaro. We're not goin' back." She puts her foot down, teeth grinding together over her son's insistence on going back to where she'd come from. It was the only thing she disliked about her boy- How he always seemed to have his way. A skill he no doubt picked up from that bratty trainer of his...

"Ah well, guess I'll just have to go with Jo, just the two of us..." Picaro bluffs, hands in his pockets as he coyly walks towards the RV's door, ready to hop off and pack this instant, no doubt.

Philei would not allow her boy to be there alone with that mule. As much as she hated it...



It was a short trip across the sea. Philei wouldn't admit that she asked Galleta to help fund this little excursion, but she didn't want to see the smug look on Jo's face when she'd have to ask him for help. He'd have no doubt invited himself along at that...

Picaro's face is practically glued to the window as the small, budget cruise liner, watching the waves roll by, and Johto approaching. Alola isn't too far away from Kanto, and Johto's just a stone's throw away anyways. It's the first time the boy's been outside his home islands...


And the first time Philei had been back in hers.


It's just a short hike from Olivine to Goldenrod, one that Picaro can't help but whine a short ways into it. No one recognizes the two tourists- Philei's visage is nowhere near the pristine girl who left this place a decade ago. Her hair, no longer long, silky, and blue. Her face, no longer smooth, now sunken, scarred, and weary from the weight of the world. Philei holds her son's hand the whole way there, swallowing as she approaches the old, worn path outside Goldenrod, leading to her old manor...

It's been abandoned. Philei glances around as they come to the gates, rusted shut with no one left to polish them. To think, her actions caused all this ruin...

"What's wrong, Mom? I thought you, like, hated this place. Like, it's cool to see it all gross and ruined, right?" Picaro chimes up, trying to cheer his mother up! Part of him knew it'd hurt her to be here but... He knew it was something she'd have to face, some day. Like ripping off a band-aid, Jo always said.

"Well... Yeah, but..." She doesn't quite understand this swell of emotion in her heart, her fingers tracing along the moss-riddled bricks lining the fence. A sense of longing, perhaps? For a time much simpler than now.

She'd been through a lot since the last time she was here. Kidnapping, rape, being sold off by her own father to some trainer... If she'd just stayed the way she was supposed to, would any of that ever happened? What kind of person would she be? Would she be happy...?

"M-Mom...?" Picaro's never seen his mother like this, her typical snarling visage molting to a grimace, nose wrinkled up as she fights back tears. She clearly doesn't want to show that side of her in front of him- Fists clenched, head turned away.


Her tears are purple, just like his.


Philei abruptly raises her foot and, in a single powerful kick, busts down the rusted old gate, rushing into the home! "Mom?! Wait up..!" Philei rushes ahead on instinct, driven by some unseen force deep in her heart, faster than her son can even keep up. Boots splatter against the mud that surrounded the once lush lawn of her childhood manor, kicking aside bundles of overgrowth as she slams her shoulder into the front door.


Empty.


"Penny! I'm here! Where... Where..." Philei cries out into the dilapidated halls, but what was the use? This place was abandoned years ago. The most she'd find here would be some squatter, some other punk who decided to live on the abandoned property.

The ghosts of who she once was, once knew.

Picaro leaps up the old wood steps leading to the entrance, panting from the strain of chasing after her. Damn, Mom was fast! "Hey, wait up...!" The teen calls out, coming to a stop behind her. He knew better than to get close to her when she was like this. She might lash out at him again...

The weight of her actions comes crashing down. In her haste to escape the fate her father had weaved for her, she'd left her sister alone with him. Who knew what he would have planned for her? What awful things she'd be made to do? This was the man that had sold his own flesh and blood to a breeder, after all...

Philei crumples to her knees, and pounds a fist into the ground, splintering the hardwood. It was all her fault. This place was just a reminder of that fact. She should've just kept her head in line, just gone with the flow. Every time she fought her fate, she only hurt everyone around her. She only hurt herself.

"Mom? I know grandpa..." Picaro hesitates. It didn't feel right to call Perseus that, but... Well, he didn't know the man by name. "I know he was evil. He did a lot of awful things to you, your sister. But... He's like, gone now, y'know? He can't hurt anyone anymore, right?" The pinniped tries to reason, console his mother somewhat. "You... Did what you had to."

"BUT IT WASN'T ENOUGH...!" Philei shrieks out, pounding her fist into the floorboards once more. Coming here was a mistake. What did she expect, sunshine and rainbows? There weren't any then, and there wouldn't be any now.

Some time in silence passes. Philei does everything she can to reel herself in, all those techniques to handle her rage coming into play. Counting to ten, taking deep breaths... Going to her happy place.

It's all clear now. Her happy place. She'd always envisioned it as that perfect little dock she'd spent so much time alone in. If she went there, then maybe, just maybe...

"... Picaro." The weeping siren brings herself back to earth, wiping those toxic tears from her face. It was rare for her to call him by his name... "Don't you dare blame yourself for this. You understand me? You didn't make your mother..."

"... Cry?" Picaro finishes as she trails off, moving to her side, kneeling and offering her a hand. "Mom, it's okay to cry sometimes. If you just keep all those tears inside, you'll like... Pop!" He'd childishly assess but... He had a point. There wasn't anyone here she needed to pretend to be someone she's not around. Just her, her son, and this dreadful place.

"... Cry. Yeah." She'd mumble, taking her son's hand, rising to her feet. Her grip on his hand tightens, giving it a firm yank! Their bodies embrace, his heart beating in time with hers. Arms laced around her back while her own cling around his shoulders. It's... Been decades since she's hugged someone. Picaro holds the hug for as long as she needs. The tears flow a little more freely now... Bitter, angry tears, but... It's a weight off her shoulders, regardless.


"... C'mon Picaro. I wanna show you something."


It's quite strange, really. The way that once meticulously maintained dock had somehow grown beautiful from its neglect. The color and life that mossy wood now held. The brightly colored lotus flowers drifting in the murky water. It almost felt... Like the place she'd always wanted it to be.

Alive.

"Whoa! You used to come here all the time?!" Picaro, bewildered at the simple beauty of the place, exclaims while running onto the dock, the gnarled wood creaking under his boots.

"Yeah. Didn't always look this pretty, though. Maybe I just didn't notice back then." Philei chimes in, watching her boy leap up onto the fence posts to take a seat on the bannister, the way she used to at his age.


He always knew just how to light up her world.


"Guess you didn't really have time to stop and smell the flowers back then, huh? But now we got aaaall the time in the world, Mom." Picaro reasons with a little shrug, assuming the place simply always looked like this. No wonder it was her happy place!

Was. Philei closes her eyes, commiting the image of watching her son rush up to the dock, such joy in his eyes... This.

This was to be her new happy place.

"Guess not, ahah. Meanwhile you've done nothing but smell flowers your whole life, huh?" She playfully jabs, nudging his elbow with her fist. The boy hops off the banister, back onto the dock by her side.

"Yep! I mean, I know my life doesn't suck at all now that I know what you've been through, Mom." The boy gazes up at her, eyes shimmering in the moonlight. "Ever since I was a kid, I always wondered what kind of person I wanted to be when I grew up. But as soon as I met you again, though... I knew."

"Really now?" Philei asks, pretending it isn't somehow her. Despite everything she'd done, everything that's happened to her. He'd look up to her no matter what, would he?

"I wanna be strong like you one day. Not like, punch strong but... Heart strong, you know? I never would've been able to handle what you did..." Picaro admits, gazing deep into his mother's tired, weary eyes.

"... Tch. That's easy." Philei seems to write off, "All you need is something simple."

"Like what, Mom?"

"... Someone to take care of. I know I'm not the only person who cares about you, but... That's okay." Philei gazes skyward, thinking back. It was totally obvious in hindsight now. The only thing that made life bearable back then was thinking about her baby sister. The kind of girl she'd grow up to be, the happy life she'd live thanks to her own sacrifice. Sure, it never came to be, but... "That's all it takes. As long as you hold them in your heart..."

Deep breath. She places her hand on her boy's shoulder. She'd never let him live the life she'd led. He'd be his own person, free to live life in whatever beautiful way he chose.

Nothing would ever change that.


"They'll always be the light that keeps you going."