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CloverCoin Patreon: September 2018 Artpack (Life Updates)
CloverCoin Patreon <= high resolution artwork download, available for $1 a month!
Well, it's a been another month. A lot of things have been happening IRL, just the day to day sort of thing that slowly drains you of any happiness or motivation to do... well honestly anything. But that's how I literally live my life. Day-to-day. That's it.
I have been having a rather serious mental health crisis over the past couple of months. This is where normal functioning people say they will "withdraw" themselves from online or whatever shit they are public in. I could in a way. But by choosing to do that means sitting alone in a house with pretty much nothing and no social ties at all. Trust me, I've tried withdrawing best as I can just so none of my friends can be carelessly hurt by my thoughtlessness or anger. Buuut you try sitting in a small box of a room not talking to anyone for days, weeks, even months. It hurts in different ways. So won't do that. Cheesy thumbs up.
Anywho. Yeah, I'm currently facing just my own personal demons. Generic sadness/depression, loss of enjoyment of anything, uncontrollable crying, and some reluctant self harm. So far it just feels like a losing battle, like it just doesn't matter. No matter what happens, it just doesn't matter. And that's a really hard obstacle to cross, lemme tell ya.
I have been making sure to be open and communicative about my issues. However there isn't really anything anyone can do to help the situation itself. It's a very very complicated mess of... Health, quality of living, money, just all of it. You literally can't fix any one thing and hope it gets better, because it just runs for a bit then degrades and breaks down again. Rubs temples... And it's all tied in with other shit, you try to fix it by getting disability or "government help" you make too much money regardless of the fact you don't actually get to keep 80%-90% of my fucking income because it all goes to fucking taxes. But clinics or gov-shit do NOT care about that because money is money and if it was in my name at any point then clearly i'm rich. what a joke.
Don't be a fucking self made creative anything, taxes ruin us. And it's really fucking hard to deal with that and then hear about all the fucking shit like tesla, amazon, and trumpfuckers getting space travel while the rest of the ilk of humanity are left to rot. No health care. No homes. No money. No food.... Just... I'm so angry. It's really hard trying to convince yourself this is worth it. That living is worth it. That some of this has to be worth it. I'm trying. Trying really fucking hard.
Anyway, I just wanted to gently say I'm just not well. And I don't know when I will be well ever again. And it's been stopping a lot of my creative work and process.
Sigh. Don't worry. I have prov looking after me like I'm some sort of danger-prone baby. We have let all my doctors know about my mental health at this time and the self harming. And I have started therapy with a doctor I think I like so far. I've only had 2 appointments with her and right now it just makes me feel a lot worse. Like I just personally can't see any of the good or progress I'm making so it all feels really stupid. lol But hey, people have always loved me for my brutal honesty about my health. So enjoy this pity pile?
Blehg. Trust me, last thing I want is to air any of this stinking mental wounds to you all, but I rather be a public test subject so literally anyone witnessing it/watching who also feel like this? You're not alone. I just want... to remind people like me, we're not alone. As much as it seems like it... You're not. Or maybe you can just watch my glorious fuck ups and learn what NOT to do from me! That also totally works in my books.
But seriously, don't look up to me in any way? I'm a shitty role model and I'm not looking to support anyone since I can't even support myself or my family who desperately need it.
I'm just a person. A miserable ungrateful sad/angry person. And that's fine. That's just fine. It has to be for now.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: As of next month, I will be canceling the $10 pledge for mock ups/sketches until I can complete the queue I've racked up during my summer of mental instability.
If you have pledged 10$ for this month or any month before, I will be reaching out to you to get information for each sketch or mock up order.
At this time the only two pledge options I will be indulging will be the The Mock Shop of patron only shop for pillowings and adoptables and the $1 pledge that is just general hires artwork or freebies I happen to make.
I'm sorry I'm always letting everyone down. I'm sorry I can't get better. I'm sorry I'm even here. I'll just have to keep trying.
Well, it's a been another month. A lot of things have been happening IRL, just the day to day sort of thing that slowly drains you of any happiness or motivation to do... well honestly anything. But that's how I literally live my life. Day-to-day. That's it.
I have been having a rather serious mental health crisis over the past couple of months. This is where normal functioning people say they will "withdraw" themselves from online or whatever shit they are public in. I could in a way. But by choosing to do that means sitting alone in a house with pretty much nothing and no social ties at all. Trust me, I've tried withdrawing best as I can just so none of my friends can be carelessly hurt by my thoughtlessness or anger. Buuut you try sitting in a small box of a room not talking to anyone for days, weeks, even months. It hurts in different ways. So won't do that. Cheesy thumbs up.
Anywho. Yeah, I'm currently facing just my own personal demons. Generic sadness/depression, loss of enjoyment of anything, uncontrollable crying, and some reluctant self harm. So far it just feels like a losing battle, like it just doesn't matter. No matter what happens, it just doesn't matter. And that's a really hard obstacle to cross, lemme tell ya.
I have been making sure to be open and communicative about my issues. However there isn't really anything anyone can do to help the situation itself. It's a very very complicated mess of... Health, quality of living, money, just all of it. You literally can't fix any one thing and hope it gets better, because it just runs for a bit then degrades and breaks down again. Rubs temples... And it's all tied in with other shit, you try to fix it by getting disability or "government help" you make too much money regardless of the fact you don't actually get to keep 80%-90% of my fucking income because it all goes to fucking taxes. But clinics or gov-shit do NOT care about that because money is money and if it was in my name at any point then clearly i'm rich. what a joke.
Don't be a fucking self made creative anything, taxes ruin us. And it's really fucking hard to deal with that and then hear about all the fucking shit like tesla, amazon, and trumpfuckers getting space travel while the rest of the ilk of humanity are left to rot. No health care. No homes. No money. No food.... Just... I'm so angry. It's really hard trying to convince yourself this is worth it. That living is worth it. That some of this has to be worth it. I'm trying. Trying really fucking hard.
Anyway, I just wanted to gently say I'm just not well. And I don't know when I will be well ever again. And it's been stopping a lot of my creative work and process.
Sigh. Don't worry. I have prov looking after me like I'm some sort of danger-prone baby. We have let all my doctors know about my mental health at this time and the self harming. And I have started therapy with a doctor I think I like so far. I've only had 2 appointments with her and right now it just makes me feel a lot worse. Like I just personally can't see any of the good or progress I'm making so it all feels really stupid. lol But hey, people have always loved me for my brutal honesty about my health. So enjoy this pity pile?
Blehg. Trust me, last thing I want is to air any of this stinking mental wounds to you all, but I rather be a public test subject so literally anyone witnessing it/watching who also feel like this? You're not alone. I just want... to remind people like me, we're not alone. As much as it seems like it... You're not. Or maybe you can just watch my glorious fuck ups and learn what NOT to do from me! That also totally works in my books.
But seriously, don't look up to me in any way? I'm a shitty role model and I'm not looking to support anyone since I can't even support myself or my family who desperately need it.
I'm just a person. A miserable ungrateful sad/angry person. And that's fine. That's just fine. It has to be for now.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: As of next month, I will be canceling the $10 pledge for mock ups/sketches until I can complete the queue I've racked up during my summer of mental instability.
If you have pledged 10$ for this month or any month before, I will be reaching out to you to get information for each sketch or mock up order.
At this time the only two pledge options I will be indulging will be the The Mock Shop of patron only shop for pillowings and adoptables and the $1 pledge that is just general hires artwork or freebies I happen to make.
I'm sorry I'm always letting everyone down. I'm sorry I can't get better. I'm sorry I'm even here. I'll just have to keep trying.
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Where you can find AJ!
★ [ DeviantArt ] - [ FurAffinity ] ★
★ [ Clover Coin Patreon - [ Flipside Tip Jar Patreon ] ★
★ [ Twitter ] - [ NSFW Twitter ] - [ ToyHouse ] ★
Interested in commissioning me? Here are some helpful links.
★ [ CloverCoin.com ] - [ Terms of Service ] - [ Commission Guide and Prices ] - [ Work Queue: CloverCoin / Flipside ] ★
If you like my work, consider checking out my ko-fi! ❤
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Category Artwork (Digital) / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 800 x 456px
File Size 584.7 kB
Comments