FA+
Shop
1138
Views
Views
84
Favorites
Favorites
Category
All / All
Species Feline (Other)
Size 611 x 1006
File Size 319.9 kB
Report this content
More from GraveyardGreg
Art by 
panda_lover!
* * *
The soft click of the door closing shut brought a sigh of relief to Ivan. Now he could finally study without any interruption from his roommates. He hoped they understood. He needed good grades to keep his student visa. Failure to do so would mean he'd have to go back to the motherland. To Russia.
This was totally unacceptable.
To go home to Russia would mean facing the disappointment of his family. His father, a snow leopard like himself, had worked all his life to ensure his family's well being. His mother, a siberian tigress, made sure the household was stable. His younger brother, a tiger, looked up to him. Could he stand to return home in shame and disgrace?
No, he couldn't.
He closed the book, keeping a finger on the page he had continuously failed to study. The weight of familial obligation was heavy on his mind, and he could almost feel the heaviness on his shoulders. He shoved away those dark thoughts and left the bedroom to get to the phone in the living room. Ivan was going to get his wallet out for his international phone card, then if it was too early to call his family. He was terrible at converting the time. Would they be sleeping?
As he entered the living room, Hopper and Darryl were bent over the aquarium near the kitchen. They looked as tense as he felt, and there was a faint scent of worry from Hopper. His pet iguana, according to the rabbit, had been acting more lethargic than unusual. Ivan couldn't tell the difference, but then again he was no expert on those types of lizards.
"She doesn't look good, dude," Darryl whispered.
"I think she's dying," Hopper said. Was there a hitch in his voice?
Ivan moved over to the two, looking over their shoulders to view Hopper's pet iguana in the aquarium. She was still as a pond, which was nothing new. She rarely moved unless it was time to eat or she wanted to move to a warmer spot. What differed this time was she was on her back, her eyes looking upwards at nothing. "Perhaps," he said quietly, "she is just sleeping."
Hopper shook his head, glancing up at Ivan. "She never sleeps with her eyes open."
Her scales were a light green, with the dewlap on her chin a darker coloration. Ivan wondered how she could rest on her back like that. Wouldn't her spine cause her discomfort?
"Dude, give her a nudge. Maybe she's sleeping."
Hopper shook his head. "I think she's dead, man." He looked up at Ivan. "Does she look dead to you, dude?"
Ivan blinked, glancing down at the iguana. Her eyes were black pools. Empty. Lifeless. "She is not breathing," he finally said. His mouth felt strangely dry.
Hopper flinched at the news. "D-damn," he said, biting down on the knuckle of his thumb.
"I guess we need a garbage bag," Darryl said, taking a swallow of his beer.
<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
panda_lover!* * *
The soft click of the door closing shut brought a sigh of relief to Ivan. Now he could finally study without any interruption from his roommates. He hoped they understood. He needed good grades to keep his student visa. Failure to do so would mean he'd have to go back to the motherland. To Russia.
This was totally unacceptable.
To go home to Russia would mean facing the disappointment of his family. His father, a snow leopard like himself, had worked all his life to ensure his family's well being. His mother, a siberian tigress, made sure the household was stable. His younger brother, a tiger, looked up to him. Could he stand to return home in shame and disgrace?
No, he couldn't.
He closed the book, keeping a finger on the page he had continuously failed to study. The weight of familial obligation was heavy on his mind, and he could almost feel the heaviness on his shoulders. He shoved away those dark thoughts and left the bedroom to get to the phone in the living room. Ivan was going to get his wallet out for his international phone card, then if it was too early to call his family. He was terrible at converting the time. Would they be sleeping?
As he entered the living room, Hopper and Darryl were bent over the aquarium near the kitchen. They looked as tense as he felt, and there was a faint scent of worry from Hopper. His pet iguana, according to the rabbit, had been acting more lethargic than unusual. Ivan couldn't tell the difference, but then again he was no expert on those types of lizards.
"She doesn't look good, dude," Darryl whispered.
"I think she's dying," Hopper said. Was there a hitch in his voice?
Ivan moved over to the two, looking over their shoulders to view Hopper's pet iguana in the aquarium. She was still as a pond, which was nothing new. She rarely moved unless it was time to eat or she wanted to move to a warmer spot. What differed this time was she was on her back, her eyes looking upwards at nothing. "Perhaps," he said quietly, "she is just sleeping."
Hopper shook his head, glancing up at Ivan. "She never sleeps with her eyes open."
Her scales were a light green, with the dewlap on her chin a darker coloration. Ivan wondered how she could rest on her back like that. Wouldn't her spine cause her discomfort?
"Dude, give her a nudge. Maybe she's sleeping."
Hopper shook his head. "I think she's dead, man." He looked up at Ivan. "Does she look dead to you, dude?"
Ivan blinked, glancing down at the iguana. Her eyes were black pools. Empty. Lifeless. "She is not breathing," he finally said. His mouth felt strangely dry.
Hopper flinched at the news. "D-damn," he said, biting down on the knuckle of his thumb.
"I guess we need a garbage bag," Darryl said, taking a swallow of his beer.
<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Category All / All
Species Feline (Other)
Size 611 x 1006px
File Size 319.9 kB
I don't know what to say about these past stories. I think that you're doing a swell job in differentiating your characters with their actions, such as how Darryl had reacted in the end to the death of the iguana.
But, I think what could be improved is the background of Ivan and his interaction with his room mates. I feel that you don't fully understand who Ivan is as a whole breathing, living character.
"To go home to Russia would mean facing the disappointment of his family. His father, a snow leopard like himself, had worked all his life to ensure his family's well being. His mother, a siberian tigress, made sure the household was stable. His younger brother, a tiger, looked up to him. Could he stand to return home in shame and disgrace?
No, he couldn't"
What I don't like about this is that I feel that you didn't really think about using his family as individual people, knowing what they like, dislike, what mannerisms they do, how they walk, talk, and react to different situations. I only get vague actions going on here, such as disappointment with his family, which an ambiguous reaction. We do get a little back story between the family, but it doesn't relate to why it's important for him to study in the first place. You could go more in depth with each of those segments to flesh out Ivan through his family, such as talking about what his father had done, what his occupation was, how he had dealt with education and how this reflects back to his determination to raise Ivan up as the key to their escape from poverty through his education. Their species could be important, but it should be about Ivan's education, so how does that relate to that?
In my Acting for Animators class, my teacher had explained to me that the more I fill out about each character that I make, I will be able to create stronger, organic scenes that lay themselves out through the interactions of the characters, adding newer dimensions to the story that wouldn't be possible otherwise.
A good example would be the first Hellboy movie. When we are first introduced to Hellboy himself, in a matter of a minute we find out that he's impartial to cats, is blunt, rebellious, likes chocolate, is honest, a wiseass, insecure about his image, and eternally twenty through the subtle indications that are in the background.
It should work the same with writing. If you fill out what you know about each of the characters before you begin to write instead of just blurting out new stories and using them as tools to tell a whatever, your dialogue will improve, along with the setting and actions your characters take.
Because it's easier to write what you know, right? So the more you know about someone, the more dynamic you can set out a scene, right?
You have some ideas going on that could be very strong and interesting to read, but you have to go back and understand what you are giving us out to feed us information before you post. Your job is to give us a story without telling us what's going on.
But, I think what could be improved is the background of Ivan and his interaction with his room mates. I feel that you don't fully understand who Ivan is as a whole breathing, living character.
"To go home to Russia would mean facing the disappointment of his family. His father, a snow leopard like himself, had worked all his life to ensure his family's well being. His mother, a siberian tigress, made sure the household was stable. His younger brother, a tiger, looked up to him. Could he stand to return home in shame and disgrace?
No, he couldn't"
What I don't like about this is that I feel that you didn't really think about using his family as individual people, knowing what they like, dislike, what mannerisms they do, how they walk, talk, and react to different situations. I only get vague actions going on here, such as disappointment with his family, which an ambiguous reaction. We do get a little back story between the family, but it doesn't relate to why it's important for him to study in the first place. You could go more in depth with each of those segments to flesh out Ivan through his family, such as talking about what his father had done, what his occupation was, how he had dealt with education and how this reflects back to his determination to raise Ivan up as the key to their escape from poverty through his education. Their species could be important, but it should be about Ivan's education, so how does that relate to that?
In my Acting for Animators class, my teacher had explained to me that the more I fill out about each character that I make, I will be able to create stronger, organic scenes that lay themselves out through the interactions of the characters, adding newer dimensions to the story that wouldn't be possible otherwise.
A good example would be the first Hellboy movie. When we are first introduced to Hellboy himself, in a matter of a minute we find out that he's impartial to cats, is blunt, rebellious, likes chocolate, is honest, a wiseass, insecure about his image, and eternally twenty through the subtle indications that are in the background.
It should work the same with writing. If you fill out what you know about each of the characters before you begin to write instead of just blurting out new stories and using them as tools to tell a whatever, your dialogue will improve, along with the setting and actions your characters take.
Because it's easier to write what you know, right? So the more you know about someone, the more dynamic you can set out a scene, right?
You have some ideas going on that could be very strong and interesting to read, but you have to go back and understand what you are giving us out to feed us information before you post. Your job is to give us a story without telling us what's going on.
Comments