<sub>"I'll meet you at the divide
To break the spell
A point where two worlds collide
Yeah, we'll rebel

And we run and we run and we run
and we run and we run and we run
Until we break through

If I get high enough
If I get high enough
Will I see you again?

I fill my lungs every night
Not long to wait
And if I do this thing right
I dream of our escape

And we run And we run and we run and we run
and we run and we run and we run
Until we break through

If I get high enough
If I get high enough
Will I see you again?
Will I see you again?
If I get high
If I get high
If I get high

And we run and we run and we run
and we run and we run and we run
Until we break through
And we run And we run and we run and we run
and we run and we run and we run"</sub>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0MUD0FDcqI

I had a good long cry to this and now i have a cry headache.
it felt good though. The whole time I thought of good memories and happy things for them.
Idk if i will ever see them again at this point. I am preparing myself because I feel like I have no control over things atm. they are in my thoughts every day. always sending them love. i hope they can feel it.
They are not dead, they are over an hour away and in a bad situation and my situation wont allow me a single one of them. so i have to grieve... it's been over two months.
If i had a friend willing to drive me there and back, i would pay oml. uber/lyft is too expensive even if anyone was down, same with a taxi. My grandma is very adamant about not driving me back herself. I think she knows it could just make things worse? or maybe i am just thinking that myself. I am worried it will break my heart even more to have to say good bye after they think i am back. god i am crying again fuccckkkkkkkkkkk