A moody story piece semi-based on a personal experience of mine.

Art is, as always, by the wonderful  AttacRacc

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Whatsername



Thought I ran into you down on the street
Then it turned out to only be a dream
I made a point to burn all the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face
But I can't recall the name...


Now I wonder how Whatsername has been.

It's been an eventful few weeks for Joseph Alvarado, muleboy extraordinaire. It was all a blur, the way everything just sorta... Fell into place. He was gonna be moving in with J and Eric, his two best friends- Locally, at least, but he didn't really plan to move out of state anytime soon. The two of them should be just about done getting the initial setup ready... He and Val were in charge of getting the moving truck ready. Just one last sweep of the room he'd grown up in, just to make sure he didn't forget anything!

Jeez. It all feels so... Small, now that it's empty. There's still remnants of crayon lingering on the old white drywall from his shithead toddler phase... Hard to believe he used to be that short. The room always felt tiny, sure- He kept it messy and cluttered after all- But even empty it brings back weird memories. An etching of a heart with a grenade pin and his initials left unfinished... Yeesh, he could swear the sting of that whoop-ass was still fresh! Nothing on the floors, now. Just a quick check of the closet and-

A loose floorboard? That's new. Curious, Jo pulls the stray piece of flooring free, finding a little chamber buried into the house's foundation. "I don't remember burying this stuff..." He muses to himself- The little lockbox is too new to be some ancient treasure or something, and had a few My Chem stickers on it. The old diary lock he'd used to seal the thing had long since rusted and broken off, the protection it once offered now null and void. Might as well take a little peek, right?

The hinges are a little sticky from years of no use, but the mule manages to pry the thing open with minimal effort. Inside the box is a plain gold ring, a signed copy of 21st Century Breakdown, and a photo of...
Of...

"Who are you again?" Joseph asks aloud, skeptical of the picture. Ghosts don't really leave photos behind, and he'd clearly buried this picture for a reason... She's kinda cute. Absurdly long brown hair, with those sharp blue highlights... Those shimmering brown eyes of hers that seemed to dig into his mind, searching for memories that...

Well, aren't really there anymore.

"2013..." The mule muses, rubbing his chin in contemplation. "I wasn't even a lady killer back then... Tch... I knew I went through girls quick, but I didn't think I'd completely forget one jus' like that..." He had a habit of burning old photos of girls he no longer had ties to but... Why did he keep this one? And for so long? With a musty old ring and the one album he's ever had signed?

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!

Joseph recoils at the moving truck's horn blaring outside. He quickly flings open the window, glaring down at his impatient sister sat in the driver's seat. "OI! Don't fuckin' rush me ya bitch!" He playfully jeers down at his younger sister, who proceeds to flip him off, rolling down the window.

"Fuck off with that, let's get going! I got dinner at nine you ass!" Ah, siblings. Truly the one person Jo could always depend on. Wait, maybe she knew who this girl was?!

Clasping the box shut, Joseph rushes downstairs to board the moving van. Mom was at work, and Bo was helping J and Eric move all the furniture in their new apartment... He'll see her at the housewarming party tomorrow, probably. "Hey, Val! You remember this chick?" Jo asks while hopping into the passenger's seat, handing his sis the pic.

"... First of all, put on your damn seatbelt." She scolds, pulling her gaze away from the pocket vanity she'd been smoothing her hair out in- Damn late summer humidity. She shoulda gone to the beach instead. "... Oh yeah! This is one of those bitches you dated in high school."

"I know that, I'm not a moron. But like, do you know who she was? Like, her name?" He can't really argue with her claim, a lot of the girls he dated senior year turned out to be bitter bitches anyways. Confound his love of popular cheerleader types.

"Dunno. She was from outta state. You kept her like, super secret, I guess." Val recalls, the young mare rolling her eyes as she starts up the truck, handing the photo back. "If you don't remember, then how important can she be?"

"... Yeah. I guess." The mule replies, dejected, looking out the window. "Why ain't we movin'?"

"Seat. Belt."

=======================================================================

The new apartment is... Nice, Jo guesses. The girl is eating away at the back of his mind, but he doesn't bring it up with J or Eric- They didn't know him back then, after all. They know something's egging him on but... Well, Jo tended to lash out if prodded too many times, they knew him a little better than that. Give him some space, he'll talk about it when he's ready, they knew that.

And space Jo got, sat alone in the living room amongst all the yet to be unpacked boxes- All the major furniture had been set up by now, the two bedrooms set up with their beds, while Jo's fancy loft bed inhabits the living room alongside his computer. He fiddles with that slice of pizza, long since stone cold, still staring at that photo, perplexed. Mellow music pumping through his headphones, he tries and tries to remember... Anything about this girl, really.

Seems that she disappeared without a trace
Did she ever marry ol' whatsisface?
I made a point to burn all the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face
But I can't recall the name...


Now I wonder how Whatsername has been.

Joseph lets out a sharp exhale from his nose. That one hurt. He rolls off the couch, glancing around the mostly empty apartment, looking for something to take his mind off things... But he keeps glancing down at the picture. He could swear he remembered that hill... Yeah, that's in Signal Hill, isn't it? That's not too far away. Maybe... Maybe going there would jog his memory? Yeah.

The mule rushes onto his hooves, snatching his wallet from the ping pong table they'd set dinner on, double checking... Yep, bus pass is still good! Off he goes on a reckless adventure for a girl he barely even remembers.

Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago...

"Hey Jo, we're thinking of going... Out..." J, the bat, peeks out of his room while arranging his things, only to find the man of the hour missing! "Tch. Hey, Eric! Jo ran off again..."

"Ah jeez... I told you something was bothering him!" The platypus scolds, grabbing his keys off the hook, headed out with J. "You call him, I'll drive."

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The regrets
Are useless in my mind
She's in my head
I must confess

The regrets
Are useless in my mind
She's in my head
So long ago...

Jo denies another call while busting off the bus at a sprint. He knew this place! This was where he met her! By that tree on top of the hill overlooking town! It had to be! Hope was welling up in the poor, lovelorn mule, yet these gave ways to doubt.

If he didn't remember her... Would she remember him?
Was there a reason he forgot her?
Even if he did remember... How would he contact her again?

No. He can't let those doubts cloud his mind anymore. Not when he's so close.

All he needs is a name.

A name to put to this face he can't recognize, this girl who meant the world to him... Yet meant nothing to him at the same time. The twisting, sinking feeling in his gut, the wheeze of his lungs as he struggles to sprint up that old hill, the crisp evening autumn air burning his lungs...

He can't make it all the way up the hill. No amount of love or devotion would bring him the strength to do it all in one go. Frustrated, the mule finds a path of grass to sit in, glaring at the photo, that wretched photo, causing him all this distress. Is it even worth it? Would finding her name just lead to more questions? Or would this all be for nothing?

...

"Who... Are you?"

He pleads to the photo once more, as if the girl would somehow speak to him through the photo. Only the wind answers his call, blowing dandelions into the air, threatening to give him an asthma attack. As the sun crawls towards the horizon, Jo sits there, frustrated, glaring at the photo. He should have brought a match.

Once more, he gazes up to the hill's peak, that tree. He could swear he saw someone... Waiting there for him. It had to be a sign, it just had to be!

Refreshed from his break, the mule pushes himself back up to his hooves, and trots up the hill once more, conserving his strength for the climb. Quelling the doubts in his mind, that gut instinct that knowing her name would open up Pandora's Box inside his heart... He was dead set on it.

And in the darkest night
If my memory serves me right
I'll never turn back time...

Joseph finally reaches that old, gnarled tree... He recalled it looking a lot prettier in its youth. It's as if time had forgotten this place, too, the place where they met for the first time, that little spark in his life when he needed it most...

"Joseph Gabriel Alvarado, what do you think you're doing?!"

Aww jeez, party's over. Of all the people to run into on this hill... "Uh... Hey, Mom."

"Don't you "Hey Mom" me, mister." The mature mare scolds, mocking the dull tone in his voice he took whenever he was in trouble. Hands go to her hips as she continues berating him, "You worried half your friends to death, running off like that! Fuck, Jo, you scared me half to death! What do you think you're doing here?!"

Mom sure had a way of just appearing at the least convenient times. Just before he could get a good look at the tree, before he could find a hint of a hint of the girl's name... His shoulders sag, his face droops as he silently hands the photo over to Symone. "..."

The mare looks skeptical, glancing between her delinquent son, and the photograph he's handing to her. She takes one good look at the photo, and sighs longingly. "You're still hung up about her, kid. All this time..." She muses, climbing the rest of the way to the top of the hill, settling down at the tree's stump.

"... Yeah. I guess I am." The mule admits, stepping over to sit beside his mother, keeping a slight gap between them. Mom always had a way of seeing right through his bullshit, huh? Even if he did remember her name, he'd find some other reason for that photo to upset him...

"Here I was, thinking you'd just up and forget about her. Y'know..." She scoots just a bit closer, wrapping an arm around her son, keeping a slight distance as she embraces him, loose enough to give him the space he needed. "Just running away from those memories won't make them go away. You gotta learn from stuff like this..."

"... Yeah. I guess you're right."

Forgetting you, but not the time.

Joseph glances off to his side, spying a tight bundle of old bramble covering up a knife. He recognized that pocket knife... A brief glance upwards reveals the pierced heart he'd carved into this tree, all those years ago with her. The day they first met. When he first learned her real name.

Helena.