Someone needs a hug.

*Hugs*

He’s not ugly, he’s precious is is own way!

*offers hugs* I'm always here for you, my friend. Whether you want or need to talk, just note me.

*hugs* thank you

*hugs tightly* You're very welcome, my friend. Anytime.

I feel you.

I am 38... About to be 39 in 6 days. Broken as a child by all kinds of abuse, so broken I turned to drugs, and nearly died... Twice. Turned to crime, became feared... Did not and could not empathize with my fellow man. Broken, broken, broken.

It feels like my heart is perpetually broken... Driving from job to job, I have to wear sun glasses to keep people from prying why there are tears in my eyes... The pain seems to never end... I am so numb.

I see couples together while shopping, people with no cares, wreaking of smoke, drug users... I say Lord, you even give the heathen their mate.

Battled depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD since I was a child...

I am behind on my mortgage, waiting, hoping for work so I don't lose my land.

The same struggles, the same fears... Crippling, grabbing, wrenching me.

I am so sorry... I can only imagine what you are going through, I hope and pray you find some homeopathic remedy for your allergies. My dogs have been my only true companions, they are all that I have. I know I'd be worse off if it wasn't for them.

Sometimes working harder isn't the answer, because your wheels are all flat... Sometimes working harder only digs the hole even deeper. Sometimes trying won't work, because we're not trying for the right thing... Perhaps the thing we want is waiting for us to stop... And just rest. So we can see it.

My life has been spent letting things go... Things I have had a white knuckled death grip on, because those things were all I knew... A broken child clinging to anything that brought him even a little light... And I had to let it go, time after time... but each timer I did I gained maturity, I gained something better.

Maybe you are clinging to things you think will make you happy... Maybe you just need to let go. Just a little at a time. Focus on things you do have... I would be besides myself if I could draw something as amazingly expressive as the art above this response honestly... You did such an amazing job, it makes me want to just hug you and not let go... Just from a picture.. .I would love to be able to do that but my heart goes unfulfilled because I am not to that point yet.

Perhaps take a deep breath, exhale, close your eyes, and let go... Focus on art, on something you can and enjoy doing...

I hope you find times of resting... Of giving up and letting go. Some of the best things that ever came to me weren't because I worked for them... But they came when I was ready for them, and getting ready meant working on myself, overcoming the bullshit of a rotten childhood and maturing, even though it was... And is.. the hardest thing I have ever done, and possibly the most painful.

I'll keep you in prayer... All I know is that it gets better... It always gets better. But it takes time. Usually, tomorrow is better than today. Just give it another day. And stop beating yourself up... Stressing never got anyone anywhere but more anxious and more pain. Just give it up... if it was meant to be... It will be returned to you.

I'm planning to let go everything, including art, if my life continues like this by the end of this year.

Just today I got another job denial for a simple cleaning job, 16 hours after I sent the job application. I'm literally not good enough for cleaning something part time for minimum wage, so much they were in a hurry writing this message. I have no crimes on my record nor drug addiction, I actually have a good education history and grades. Yet I'm not good enough no matter what I try to be good enough for a fucking simple job that would finally allow me to live.

There's only so much loneliness and rejection a human can take in 30 years. It already started when I was born with a milk-allergy and my mother could not only do any parent-child bonding by breast-feeding, but also couldn't seem to make any connection with me anywhere else at all. Only on me, not her other 4 children. I was the only child that would go sit on her lap and then get pushed away because I was not good enough for sitting on any laps. Or I would hug her, or someone else, only to get pushed away after few seconds too. It wasn't until late teenager years that I learned that the person that starts the hug should also be the person that ends it. Rejection was so normal for me growing up, I did not know what love was. But if I ever found an animal that would cuddle with me and love me without rejection, I was heavily allergic to that animal.

My fate seems to have been loneliness from birth. This additional unemployment for 2 years is merely the last straw that broke the camel's back. I just can't live like this much longer.

I'm incredibly envious you have your dogs, and even got to have a wolf friend as you've told me, to accompany you through your very difficult life. I'm very allergic to cats and dogs. Possibly even to wolves too. I got to touch a wolf pelt once, which was prepared in a "raw" Mongolian way, and got allergic reactions. Running nose and itchiness. And I love wolves a lot.

Sorry for the rent. I'm just really angry and sad about my very existence. If there's a God, he must have created my life so he could watch it for comedy. Like watching hungry Wile.E.Coyote chase his food and never catch it, only hurt himself trying. My life is hilarious like this.

Please don't base your value on hirability. I do have a small criminal record but not even mcdonald's would hire me. I now have my own business, which is the best thing career wise I have ever done for myself, but work is hit and miss some days, and I am waiting for payment for a big job I did a while ago.

I know... About the loneliness and rejection limits we feel we have in life.

This woman who took a liking to me, I loved her, and I would hug her and hold her, and she didn't want it, so she would bounce, even though I just wanted to be close to her. It was very demeaning. My dad rejected me, too, growing up, but in a violent way, my mom wasn't much better, and I have the same allergy as you...

Honestly, reading your reply struck my heart so deeply, I would hold you in my arms (If you wanted) for as long as you felt like you wanted to be there, I would not reject you. Our pain is a shared pain, and you are brave for your honesty.

Please don't be sorry, it is not a rant, it is the words of a pained human being, who is special, but hurting.

Growing up my mom taught me about a god who hated me, who was ready to destroy me at my slightest sin, and my dad fit that role, so I did end up hating God for my life. "Angry and frustrated" describes me, too. Even though when I was a child I was injected with a serum that killed me, and while I dropped dead in the hospital, my soul was held in the arms of God, saturated by the purest definition of the word "love"... i still struggle to understand God and understand WHY.

I am sorry I am talking about myself...

You are a very, very special person... Please... Don't give up. Don't give yourself a time limit. Just keep going... I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

Have you tried taking any allergy medication for your allergies to dogs and cats? Or maybe even cortical steroid inhaler?

I keep hearing about people being close to death and then meeting God and feeling love and all that. But then I remember my times where I was close to death when I tried to kill myself with an overdose of chemical sleeping pills over 10 years ago. And did not meet anyone warm and nice. I think I've told you this before, but I'm not sure. I saw three dark shadow-people with shining dark blue eyes standing by my bed and looking down at me. But it felt extremely unpleasant. I wasn't able to speak in that moment, since I was paralyzed/weak/dying, but I thought very hard "GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE." And then they left, just floating through the walls without a sound.

There was no light, no love, nothing. Only darkness and this very uncomfortable presence of shadow-people watching me die in my bed. This is why I think, if there is a heaven or hell, hell people will be sent to pick me up when I die because heaven with its loving God seems to reject me too. It makes sense though, look at who I am. I've achieved nothing in my life worthy of entering a paradise of love. Even my own mother couldn't consider me to be worthy of love after I was born, without even being able to explain why. She did try to make a connection (I was also a wished child and not an accident) but it never worked. I'm garbage.

The thing about allergy medication is, that it doesn't cure you from allergies. It just blocks it temporarily. In fact, some of these drugs just make you addicted. I know this cat-allergic woman who has cats and uses an anti-allergy spray for her nose, and now her body got addicted to it that she has to take it every day or get allergic reactions even if her cats aren't around. I don't want to be like that. The only thing I found out worked without side-effects, is wearing a face mask and gloves. But it only works for one or two hours on me. And then I still need about two days to recover before I can meet the animal again. The allergy makes me feel sick and exhausted.

No doctor has found a cure for allergies so far. They don't even know what creates allergies in the first place. They used to think it depends on what you eat, or what genetics you have, but then they found persons within the same family, eating the same things, who had an allergy when the other family members didn't have any. So this theory got proven to be wrong.

Currently, there's this theory that my body "rejects" cats and dogs because receiving love is so NEW to me, my immune system believes it must be a dangerous thing. But I'm not sure if this is true, either. I remember I wasn't allergic to cats when I was a little child, I would cuddle with street cats whenever they came to me for cuddles. I don't remember when the allergies started. But my PTSD makes me forget a lot of things. Or maybe I got Alzheimers. I don't know.

I can emphasize man all too well :(

At least you've made some beautiful from your vent

I always felt bad for him whatever version of the tale, yes he has a happy ending but he still had a traumatic childhood Why ugly, baby swans are cute too !...

They are super cute! I had to try hard to make him look "ugly" for this, without losing the swan baby design. Thought I'd just had to make his feathers look messy and dirty, as if he's a sick and dying bird. :c

Dying because they are not taking care of him

I know this doesn't really help... but I'm very sorry to hear that... :(
*hug*

*hugs* thanks tho

Shit. Good luck to ya. I'm looking for a job too. Have you tried a temp agency yet? Maybe they could get you something or at least give you some resume help. That free art if you hire me thing sounds like a bribe and seems a little offputting to me. I mean, if someone offered me free stuff if I hired them I would be suspicious.

About getting turned down for a shitty job- that happens. Perhaps they already hired someone.
I'm trying to look at it like a challenge; There has got to be something I am doing wrong- perhaps on my resume. I keep getting turned down for labor type jobs where the major requirement is not show up high so I figure if I can figure out whats wrong...

If all else fails perhaps you could sell some crafts. Maybe find a craft fair or something...
Hell, sometimes failure is the universes way of saying "do something else". Find a job that fits you or even create your own...

I recommend looking at onetonline.org
They have a lot of useful resources.

Feel free to message me if you wanna talk. Sometimes venting helps. Sometimes sharing ideas does to.

Thank you!

I have tried temp agencies (they said they would contact me back if they found someone), and several courses about how to make my resume and job applications look good. I've also been getting help from an organisation that's there to help the jobless (Switzerland has many insurances) but they had to stop supporting me because it's the law that the maximum support is one and a half years. If you have gotten nothing but job denials during that time, then too bad.

I've gotten very suspicious of everyone wanting to help me now, because they're most likely trying to sell me something rather than hire me. Especially the friendliest people eventually just want me to pay money to them for something that isn't guaranteed to work. It's gambling. I spent much of my savings for *job gambling*, and I don't want to spend any more before I finally got a job. I am very angry.

Yeah, if they are asking for money, its a scam. Almost gaurenteed. I don't know much about Switzerland and how they do things.
At that point I would suggest odd jobs or something. Maybe look for nonstandard ways of making money. I just discovered a local website where post things they need help with. You might be able to get some one time jobs walkig dogs, shovelling snow, watching a house for people on vacation (often those who have pets that need to be fed will throw a little money to someone to make sure those pets are alive when they get back from the Bahamas.) maybe one of the people you meet this way would make a good reference when applying for jobs.
I'm assuming there is a craigslist for Switzerland but you might even have moreoval or specialized websites like that one that lists all of the babysitters or a dog-walker posting site.
Perhaps we should both google "types of odd jobs people need" or something. Thanks for the idea, lol.

The biggest thing I find to be a problem after a long bout of unemployment is you have try very hard not to sound desperate. Employers don't like to think that you would take any job at this point. You have to convince them that you chose their job because its so freaking awesome. That you wated to shovel shit for minimum wage and that its not degrading having to pretend that their job is not a shit job that you wouldn't do if you actually had a choice about it.

I was mostly saying I'm here if you want to talk. I don't know crap about getting jobs. Thats why I am underemployed right now.

Thanks for the ideas, though! I appreciate it. :)

But that duckling isn't ugly at all! It's so precious.
Not to mention that the art itself is gorgeous.

Deine Bilder und Aussagen gehen so tief... Ich werde deine Galerie demnächst noch genauer Durchsehen. Ich hoffe auch, dass es dir inzwischen besser geht.

Danke, du bist sehr nett. :)

it's a really cute artwork, I find the ugly duckling to be a very relatable character tbh.. I'm not ugly but I am different, like too different from everyone else and feeling like the odd one out all the time :< I wanna find a place where I can feel loved and accepted no matter what, but I keep getting bullied all the time and sometimes it feels like I don't fit in anywhere.. Ú.Ù I really hope that someday I'll find a place where I am loved and where I belong, like when the ugly duckling realises he's a beautiful swan, and finds a place with swan friends that he can call home

That sounds beautiful. I hope this will happen to you soon! <3

thanks <:3 I hope things are alright for you too!