Chapter 20 of the ongoing Tales of the Eternals series. This has been one interesting chapter to write and a very challenging one. I want to give a big thank you to
and
for helping me out with this and giving advice.
You can probably guess what this story is about by the title. I hope you all enjoy this story and please feel free to leave a comment if you want.
In a deserted street of marble buildings with elegant columns and red tiled roofs, a gust of wind whistles through and wafts debris from the gutters. The wind stops at the end of a small courtyard and, seemingly from nowhere, a small straight-backed fountain with a lion’s head appears. The back opens up and three people emerge.
“That was really good for your first landing Shern’aath.” Altallo says.
“It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Why did you want to come here Kiya?”
“I always wanted to visit Greece and see its amazing cities. Oh we must be in Athens then!” Kiya says excitedly pointing up to a symbol marked on a pillar, an owl bordered by olive leaves. Kiya runs off happily, leaving a stunned Altallo and Shern’aath behind.
“Well she doesn’t waste any time.” Shern’aath laughs as he holds out a hand for Altallo. “Shall we?” he asks with a smile. Altallo beams back and hand in hand they follow Kiya more sedately.
As they make their way through a street, they start feeling uneasy. There is no one in sight, except Kiya a little further along, the doors are closed and the windows shuttered.
“Perhaps we should go back?” Shern’aath tentatively suggests after a while. “I don’t think I like this place. I keep getting chills down my back.”
“I know what you mean,” Altallo says in a hushed voice. “Er Kiya, maybe we made a mistake?”
“Oh but we haven’t even to seen the Acropolis!” Kiya huffs. “Besides you haven’t seen this parade yet.”
Lines of people bordered the street yet they weren’t cheering or celebrating, they were silent and solemn. A grim procession is shambling past. Two rows of men carrying black banners flank fourteen youths, seven young human men and seven young human women, all dressed in white. More black banners and flags fluttered in the breeze and there was an unmissable feeling of dread and woe in the air.
“This is no parade.” Shern’aath mutters to the others. “Its a funeral.”
Kiya looks aghast from the raptor to the youths. Their faces are pale and many seemed like they were about to burst into tears. Women were screaming and weeping, with some trying to rush out to the children, but were pushed roughly back by armoured guards. With a lump rising in her throat, Kiya clenches her fists and pushes her way through the crowd, unnoticed by Altallo and Shern’aath who were talking to an elderly woman.
“It is the first yearly tribute to Minos. He has demanded we send seven young men and seven young women to their fate on Crete.” the old hedgehog says, shaking her head sadly. “They say the king of Crete has some sort of beast in the bowls of his palace.”
“Sacrificing the few to save the many, a coward’s way out.” Shern’aath mutters under his breath to Altallo. “So I assume the sight seeing is cancelled and we’re going to stop this?”
“Now Shern’aath, we need formulate a plan,” Altallo says mater of factly while twirling one finger in the air. “Keep a close watch on where they’re being lead to and-”
But what else Altallo had in mind, Shern’aath never found out. A familiar voice rings out behind them.
“Stop!”
Horrified, Altallo and Shern’aath turn to see Kiya marching up to the procession. She reaches one of the girls.
“Here I’ll take your place,” she gently. The girl nods and then scurries away into the stunned crowd.
“We’re going with you.”
Altallo and Shern’aath push their way through the throng. Altallo replaces one of the young men, but when Shern’aath tries taking another place, a guard seizes his shoulder.
“Minos demands only humans. Not lizards like you.”
“...Lizard? Lizard?!” Shern’aath yells, “What you think I’m not good enough or something?!”
“Shern!” Altallo grabs the raptor’s tail. “Please. I think I have an idea-no listen.”
Kiya watches them whispering out of the corner of her eyes. She bites her lip and wonders if she has done the right thing.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a prod in the back by one of the guards. Resigned she trudges along with the others, but glimpses Altallo walking beside her. He gives her an encouraging smile and she feels herself uplifted.
“WAIT!”
A voice cries out from the crowd who part to reveal a young man running towards them. Kiya’s mouth falls open at the sight of him and she starts feeling a warm flush rising in her cheeks. He is tall and handsome, with tanned brown skin, curly dark hair and a muscular body. He also takes the place of another prisoner, but an old man runs out.
“Please Theseus, don’t do this.” he begs, his voice cracked by age and desperation.
“Father, I am the prince and bandit slayer of Athens. It is my duty to protect my city, even from this foul monster Minos has in his cooped up in his palace. Besides, I am the best of Athens.”
He flexes one of his arms and winks at a group of giggling teenage girls nearby. Kiya starts fanning herself, but Shern’aath and Altallo look put off. Shern’aath even mimics vomiting behind Kiya’s back.
“Very well,” Theseus’ father says in a resigned voice. “But take a white sail with you. If you survive, replace the black sail with it.”
“Huh?” Theseus asks vaguely. “Oh yeah yeah sure dad, raise the sail.”
Soon the prisoners are herded onto a roughened ship with a black sail flapping in the breeze. A small knot of people had gathered at the harbour to watch them go, Theseus’ father and Shern’aath are among them. Theseus is the first to stride onto the ship’s deck, followed more discretely by the others. Altallo is the last one onboard, but he looks back before the last step. Most of the people had gone by now, but Shern’aath was still there. Their eyes meet and Altallo gives the raptor a small smile, before a sailor appears and he is forced into the ship.
Shern’aath watched the ship as it heaves itself out into sea and the sparkling sunset lit horizon. He wasn’t alone. Nearby was Theseus’ father.
“Your friends are really brave.” he says, making the raptor jump. “Oh I’m sorry. Please, no need to be afraid of me.”
He turns round to Shern’aath, smiling warmly.
“I haven’t introduced myself. I am Aegeus, king of Athens. It was really kind of your friends to take the places of those children, we will pray for their safe return. I dread to think of the coming years if they fail.”
“Surely if you’re the king you can do something about it?” Shern’aath asks
“Alas my lizard friend,” Aegeus sighs sadly, ignoring Shern’aath’s frown. “Crete’s navy is a mighty force and we have barely any ships or sailors to counter it. No, it is best this way, the majority of the city can be safe-”
“That’s a coward’s way out.” Shern’aath cuts across him.
“Yes...it is. I will not deny it.” Aegeus nods sadly. “Please, don’t think this is easy for me. I never wanted to see children led to their deaths or hear weeping from their families. Especially now my Theseus is among them. After only a few days. His mother raised him you see and I’ve only just got to know him. But now...I’m scared I’ll never see him again.”
The king breaks off and starts shaking. Shern’aath felt a cold rush down his spine and looks out again to the ship, which was a mere speck by now in the twilight.
“If there’s one person who can save them, I know its Alty.”
Aboard the ship, Kiya and Altallo are locked in a dingy straw strewn hold along with the rest of the Athenian prisoners. The only light comes from cracks in the deck above, which flicker when a sailor walks over them, and a few tiny portholes.
Theseus had perched himself on a few pales of hay and was boasting and posing to the throng of admirers. Altallo and Kiya had moved to a secluded corner of the ship by a porthole.
The hours seemed to slip by slowly as the ship sails past a cluster of small sandy islands and then there was nothing but open sea. The Athenians steadily lose interest in Theseus and instead sit morosely in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Night crawls in and most of the prisoners are asleep, except Altallo who stares out of one of the portholes, lost in thought.
At sunrise, an island comes into view.
“We’ll be landing on Crete soon!” a sailor says, poking his head in. “Look sharp.”
They soon traipse out on deck as two sleek warships slice through the water to meet them. All three ships ease their way into a sheltered harbour next to a massive city. The great walls were battered and decaying, detritus strewn all over them from the sea. Boats lie cracked and splintered on the sand or on rocks.
“It looks like a tidal wave hit this place.” Altallo whispers to Kiya.
“Ha! This is Knossos? The great capital of mighty Crete?” Theseus scoffs. “We could smash them easily-”
“Get moving!” A guard prods Theseus in the back with the butt of his spear and the vain prince immediately falls silent. They are forced along a ruined street where nervous and broken faces peak from windows and doorways. The street rises upwards towards a huge building at the top of a hill. Despite of its wear and tear, it is a magnificent structure, with red columns and walls with colourful murals that looked as though they could leap off the wall. They are lead through a maze of corridors, most of which were deserted, until they came to a halt in front of cell. Most of them are forced inside, but Altallo is dragged off. An hour later, he is pushed roughly inside, now dressed in similar white robes. Kiya thought he looked much smaller without his headdress and familiar blue and gold.
“If only I had made a dash outside. I kept trying to find a loophole or-”
“Never mind that,” Kiya replies calmly. “You couldn’t have done anything anyway with all those thugs. What I don’t understand is why go to all this trouble bringing us here?”
“Humiliation at a guess,” Altallo says frowning. “Or slave labour like those Epithedrial zealots.”
A thick arm seizes Altallo round the shoulders and he’s pulled into a sort of wrestle-hug by Theseus.
“Ah my weirdo friend!” Theseus booms, ruffling Altallo’s hair. “Don’t be so scared. You have me, the bandit slayer here to protect you from whatever may come! Now put a smile on that sad old face.”
He releases Altallo who gags and wobbles away to massage his neck. Kiya meanwhile had only eyes for Theseus.
“Well, you certainly are the strongest and most handsome prince I’ve ever met,” she says in a silky voice and then under her breath. “And the only prince I’ve met.”
Theseus grins widely and leans against one of the cell walls.
“Why thank you very much, Miss?”
“Kiya, just Kiya.”
“Such a lovely name for a graceful lady such as yourself.” Theseus gives her a sly wink and Kiya feels a flush of warmth flow to her face and starts fanning herself.
“Maybe after all this is over, maybe we could get to know each other some more?” she simpers, stroking his chin. Behind her Altallo has straightened up and rolls his eyes.
“I already know that I have found myself the loveliest princess in the world. And I, being the hero I am, deserve the best.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake.” Altallo sighs, but Kiya didn’t seem to hear him. She was lost in a daze and started to lean in nearer to Theseus, her eyes closed.
With a clatter, a small window in the door opens up and a face peers in. It is a young woman, with long curling brown hair framing her face and a periwinkle dress.
“Psst. Someone, quickly over here.” she whispers.
Theseus stares dumbfounded at the girl, ignoring Kiya’s pursed lips. He pushes Kiya roughly away and in a flash is clasping the other girl’s hand in his.
“My dear lady, you are clearly the finest mortal woman in all of Greece. Will you marry me?” he whimpers, but the girl wrests her hand out with a disgusted sound.
“Ugh, get out of my way you big lump! Ah, you look sane.” she says as Altallo shoves Theseus aside. “My name is Ariadne. I am the daughter of King Minos and princess of Crete.”
“Ah so you are a princess in peril-” Theseus starts, but Altallo elbows him softly in the ribs to shut up. Behind them, Kiya picks herself off from the ground and looking downright livid.
“I want to help you. I don’t want to see anyone hurt, not even the children of the people who killed my brother.”
It was as if a block of ice had sunk into Altallo. He turns to Theseus, a mixture of horror and revulsion on his face.
“What does she mean?”
“Oh must be that stuck up prince from Crete. He competed in the Olympia games and beat Athens in nearly every event, so-”
“So you murdered him?” Altallo cuts across him in a biting voice. He takes a deep breath. “You’re just lucky that I also don’t want to see young people harmed. Otherwise I’d leave you here where you belong. Tell me,” he turns back to Ariadne. “What have they in store for us?”
“There’s…a creature, called the Minotaur.” Ariadne says in a hushed voice. “I haven’t seen it in years. My father had some soldiers lock it away in a giant maze called the Labyrinth. He has started this tribute to punish Athens and as a sort of experiment; he wants to see if the beast really is deadly. It’s impossible to escape from, except through one door.”
“Where the prisoners are lead into I assume?”
“That’s right. I have an idea though,” Ariadne reaches into dress and pulls out a ball of thread. She passes it to Altallo. “You can use this to guide yourself through the maze. And...I hope you won’t need this, but.”
She hands Altallo a bronze sword.
“Please, only use it if you have to, but-”
Theseus snatches the sword and holds it aloft.
“At last! Thanks to my future wife, I now have the means to destroy Minos’ foul monster!” he cries at the top of his voice. “The muses shall sing of my great deed!”
“The idiot will bring every guard on Crete if he doesn’t shut up!” Kiya yells.
“Too late!” Ariadne hisses. “I’m not allowed here. Good luck.”
She disappears as Theseus continues to bellow. The door swings open a moment later and two huge guards stride in. They instantly see the sword brandished by Theseus, who tries to hide it behind his back. One of the guards grabs his arm and twists it painfully, while the other snatches the sword away. The guard holding Theseus throws him to the wall, before both walk silently out again. Whimpering and snivelling like a small child, Theseus retreats to a corner and cowers.
That night, the dark cell was full of the gentle breathing of the sleeping Athenians, though most didn’t seem relaxed. Every once in a while one would convulse, sob or open their eyes and stare hopelessly at the ceiling, begging the gods for help. Kiya lies huddled on a rough bed of straw, eyes closed yet unable to sleep. She whispers under her breath to the goddesses Isis and Hathor to protect them. A movement nearby startles her and she sits up, fist raised to punch, but it is only Altallo.
“I’m on your side remember!” he laughs, his hands in the air. “Can’t sleep?”
“No.” Kiya replies groggily. “What about you?”
“I don’t need to. Though I sometimes pretend to just feel it,” he says, sitting down next to her. “What is on your mind?”
“Apart from the dread of impending death by unknown monsters,” Kiya begins in a sarcastic tone, but then her voice falters. “I feel so stupid. “This is all my fault. If only I had kept my big fat mouth shut, then we wouldn’t be here.”
“Honestly me and Shern’aath were planning something similar, well, almost. Except we were going to tail the boat in the spaceship and try and break the prisoners out, and possibly this Minotaur creature...if it was friendly at least.”
Kiya stares at Altallo and then slaps a hand to her face.
“Ugh, why didn’t I think of that!” Kiya groans. “And that Mino-thingy. What do you think it is.”
“I wish I knew,” Altallo says, “All I know its just as much a prisoner as we are. I wonder what its feeling and thinking now, if it can I mean.
“It scares me.” Kiya whispers. “What if it's rabid or gone completely mad and eats us? Or what if we can’t reason with it?"
"Kiya.." Altallo says with concern
"What if we All die and it's my fault!" Kiya says seeming close to tears
Altallo puts his hand in her lap causing Kiya to look up at him with tearful eyes.
"You didn't regret coming along with me, and I don't regret being here with you. We'll make it out of this together we've been through a lot before and we'll make it though this jut the same" he says with a reassuring and comforting smile.
"Your right.. I don’t see how we’re going to get out of here, but I can’t lose hope." Kiya replies, wiping her face with her hand. “I just wish I could see Ramos and the other priests again. I wonder what they’d think if they saw me now.” Kiya says in a hushed voice.
“You miss them a lot?” Altallo asks kindly, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“Yes. I will never ever forget them,” she looks at Altallo. “What about you? You’ll never see your home again now. Do you even remember its like?”
Altallo doesn’t answer at first and bites his lip.
“I remember bits of it. There’s not much honestly, no shade from trees, no flowers, no birdsong. But to me, home was and still is the faces. Yours, Shern’aath’s, the dinosaur tribes, the people I met on my travels, even Theseus over there. And also my Brother and Sister Eternals. Its been so long since I’ve seen them, yet their faces shine in front of me when I’m alone or sad,” he gives a small sigh. “I wish I could see Shern’aath again. I know it’s only been a day, but it feels like a hundred years since I last saw him.”
He goes silent and Kiya takes hold of his hands. Unbeknown to either of them, Theseus has been listening to them. His eyes glisten with tears as he thinks about his father. He stops as he hears Altallo again.
“But who says we’ll never see each other again. Come on Kiya. Its not over yet!”
He jumps up, startling Kiya and rushes to the door. He carefully takes out small, thin piece of metal from his sandal and starts picking at the lock.
“Where did you get that?” Kiya whispers.
“It became stuck to my shoe when we were walking up to the palace.”
“That’s...oddly convenient.”
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth Kiya. Got it!”
The door swings quietly open...to reveal four guards. Altallo’s mouth falls open in shock but then he puts on a smile.
“Ah..hahah, oh dear, this door seems rather loose. You should get that sorted out you know-”
The guards push him roughly back inside.
“Tricky little thing aren’t you?” One of them says, taking the metal from Altallo. “Well for that you’ll be the first- No, wait. Your friend will be the first.”
He snatches Kiya and drags her out.
“Lets see how the Minotaur handles a little exotic snack before the main course.” he sneers. Kiya scowls at him but the guard doesn’t seem phased. “Feisty and full of fire, eh? Just wait till you see the labyrinth.”
They start leading her away. Altallo spots something clutched in Kiya’s hand as the door swings shut again.
“At least she has the thread.” He breathes out once they are out of earshot.
“What use is that?” Theseus grunts. “You think she’s going to tie the creature up and give it a stern talking to?”
Kiya is lead down more passageways, all the while the same guard rambles about how filthy Athenians are and how everyone feared the labyrinth is, but Kiya pays no attention. Everything felt unreal. Every step was numb and every sound was dim. She stared ahead, gaze unfocused and soon the guard became bored with her. The only thing that caught Kiya’s eye was the princess Ariadne hiding in the shadows, watching her go past with a sorrowful expression on her face. Kiya gives her a small nod and a thumbs up though.
After what seemed to be an eternity, they stopped. In front of them was a door covered in gold sheeting, with a carving of a bull’s head on it. Another guard unlocks the door and the first pushes Kiya roughly inside.
“I am sorry.” the second guard says sadly, before closing the door. Kiya licked her lips uneasily. Three passages built of grey stone lie before her, one to her right, one to her left and the other straight on. Fumbling with the thread, she ties it to the doorknob and deciding at random, goes straight ahead while playing out the thread.
Soon she notices two things. First, the cold. There were no windows or open sky and the chill made her breath billow and flow around her mouth like smoke. Second and more disturbing, the silence. As soon as the guard’s footsteps had died away, there was not a sound at all, only her breath and footsteps. All the while she felt like she was being watched. She almost wished the creature would bellow and roar just so she’d know where it was and even have a bit of company.
The labyrinth was soon wearing on Kiya. She had gone forwards, left, right, retraced her steps and avoided several dead-ends and every tunnel looked the same. Finally after the sixteenth dead-end, she decides to go back to the door. She turns...and what meets her eye almost makes her faint.
Framed at the end of the passage in the dim and dusty light is a massive figure, almost twice the size of a full grown man and from the broadness of its shoulders and arms, clearly very powerful. A pair of horns curve up from its head, its legs ended in what looked like hooves and a long tail swished behind it.
Kiya almost sank to the floor, eyes wide open. The creature just stood there as quiet as a statue. Kiya strained to see its face, but the lighting made it near impossible. She finally found her voice.
“I...I’m not s-scared of you.” she stammers, aware of how pathetic she sounds. Then she tries again. “Well come on then! If you’re s-supposed to be as terrible as they say, why aren’t you doing anything?! I’ve seen worst than you, great fire breathing machines and silver giants. I...I...I-”
Her voice trails off. The creature had started walking slowly towards her, its hooves clopping loudly on the stone floor. Vivid images of being impaled on those horns or swatted by hooves flashed in her mind and she covers her eyes, braced for the charge.
and
for helping me out with this and giving advice. You can probably guess what this story is about by the title. I hope you all enjoy this story and please feel free to leave a comment if you want.
Tales of the Eternals Chapter 20: The Labyrinth of CreteIn a deserted street of marble buildings with elegant columns and red tiled roofs, a gust of wind whistles through and wafts debris from the gutters. The wind stops at the end of a small courtyard and, seemingly from nowhere, a small straight-backed fountain with a lion’s head appears. The back opens up and three people emerge.
“That was really good for your first landing Shern’aath.” Altallo says.
“It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Why did you want to come here Kiya?”
“I always wanted to visit Greece and see its amazing cities. Oh we must be in Athens then!” Kiya says excitedly pointing up to a symbol marked on a pillar, an owl bordered by olive leaves. Kiya runs off happily, leaving a stunned Altallo and Shern’aath behind.
“Well she doesn’t waste any time.” Shern’aath laughs as he holds out a hand for Altallo. “Shall we?” he asks with a smile. Altallo beams back and hand in hand they follow Kiya more sedately.
As they make their way through a street, they start feeling uneasy. There is no one in sight, except Kiya a little further along, the doors are closed and the windows shuttered.
“Perhaps we should go back?” Shern’aath tentatively suggests after a while. “I don’t think I like this place. I keep getting chills down my back.”
“I know what you mean,” Altallo says in a hushed voice. “Er Kiya, maybe we made a mistake?”
“Oh but we haven’t even to seen the Acropolis!” Kiya huffs. “Besides you haven’t seen this parade yet.”
Lines of people bordered the street yet they weren’t cheering or celebrating, they were silent and solemn. A grim procession is shambling past. Two rows of men carrying black banners flank fourteen youths, seven young human men and seven young human women, all dressed in white. More black banners and flags fluttered in the breeze and there was an unmissable feeling of dread and woe in the air.
“This is no parade.” Shern’aath mutters to the others. “Its a funeral.”
Kiya looks aghast from the raptor to the youths. Their faces are pale and many seemed like they were about to burst into tears. Women were screaming and weeping, with some trying to rush out to the children, but were pushed roughly back by armoured guards. With a lump rising in her throat, Kiya clenches her fists and pushes her way through the crowd, unnoticed by Altallo and Shern’aath who were talking to an elderly woman.
“It is the first yearly tribute to Minos. He has demanded we send seven young men and seven young women to their fate on Crete.” the old hedgehog says, shaking her head sadly. “They say the king of Crete has some sort of beast in the bowls of his palace.”
“Sacrificing the few to save the many, a coward’s way out.” Shern’aath mutters under his breath to Altallo. “So I assume the sight seeing is cancelled and we’re going to stop this?”
“Now Shern’aath, we need formulate a plan,” Altallo says mater of factly while twirling one finger in the air. “Keep a close watch on where they’re being lead to and-”
But what else Altallo had in mind, Shern’aath never found out. A familiar voice rings out behind them.
“Stop!”
Horrified, Altallo and Shern’aath turn to see Kiya marching up to the procession. She reaches one of the girls.
“Here I’ll take your place,” she gently. The girl nods and then scurries away into the stunned crowd.
“We’re going with you.”
Altallo and Shern’aath push their way through the throng. Altallo replaces one of the young men, but when Shern’aath tries taking another place, a guard seizes his shoulder.
“Minos demands only humans. Not lizards like you.”
“...Lizard? Lizard?!” Shern’aath yells, “What you think I’m not good enough or something?!”
“Shern!” Altallo grabs the raptor’s tail. “Please. I think I have an idea-no listen.”
Kiya watches them whispering out of the corner of her eyes. She bites her lip and wonders if she has done the right thing.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a prod in the back by one of the guards. Resigned she trudges along with the others, but glimpses Altallo walking beside her. He gives her an encouraging smile and she feels herself uplifted.
“WAIT!”
A voice cries out from the crowd who part to reveal a young man running towards them. Kiya’s mouth falls open at the sight of him and she starts feeling a warm flush rising in her cheeks. He is tall and handsome, with tanned brown skin, curly dark hair and a muscular body. He also takes the place of another prisoner, but an old man runs out.
“Please Theseus, don’t do this.” he begs, his voice cracked by age and desperation.
“Father, I am the prince and bandit slayer of Athens. It is my duty to protect my city, even from this foul monster Minos has in his cooped up in his palace. Besides, I am the best of Athens.”
He flexes one of his arms and winks at a group of giggling teenage girls nearby. Kiya starts fanning herself, but Shern’aath and Altallo look put off. Shern’aath even mimics vomiting behind Kiya’s back.
“Very well,” Theseus’ father says in a resigned voice. “But take a white sail with you. If you survive, replace the black sail with it.”
“Huh?” Theseus asks vaguely. “Oh yeah yeah sure dad, raise the sail.”
Soon the prisoners are herded onto a roughened ship with a black sail flapping in the breeze. A small knot of people had gathered at the harbour to watch them go, Theseus’ father and Shern’aath are among them. Theseus is the first to stride onto the ship’s deck, followed more discretely by the others. Altallo is the last one onboard, but he looks back before the last step. Most of the people had gone by now, but Shern’aath was still there. Their eyes meet and Altallo gives the raptor a small smile, before a sailor appears and he is forced into the ship.
Shern’aath watched the ship as it heaves itself out into sea and the sparkling sunset lit horizon. He wasn’t alone. Nearby was Theseus’ father.
“Your friends are really brave.” he says, making the raptor jump. “Oh I’m sorry. Please, no need to be afraid of me.”
He turns round to Shern’aath, smiling warmly.
“I haven’t introduced myself. I am Aegeus, king of Athens. It was really kind of your friends to take the places of those children, we will pray for their safe return. I dread to think of the coming years if they fail.”
“Surely if you’re the king you can do something about it?” Shern’aath asks
“Alas my lizard friend,” Aegeus sighs sadly, ignoring Shern’aath’s frown. “Crete’s navy is a mighty force and we have barely any ships or sailors to counter it. No, it is best this way, the majority of the city can be safe-”
“That’s a coward’s way out.” Shern’aath cuts across him.
“Yes...it is. I will not deny it.” Aegeus nods sadly. “Please, don’t think this is easy for me. I never wanted to see children led to their deaths or hear weeping from their families. Especially now my Theseus is among them. After only a few days. His mother raised him you see and I’ve only just got to know him. But now...I’m scared I’ll never see him again.”
The king breaks off and starts shaking. Shern’aath felt a cold rush down his spine and looks out again to the ship, which was a mere speck by now in the twilight.
“If there’s one person who can save them, I know its Alty.”
Aboard the ship, Kiya and Altallo are locked in a dingy straw strewn hold along with the rest of the Athenian prisoners. The only light comes from cracks in the deck above, which flicker when a sailor walks over them, and a few tiny portholes.
Theseus had perched himself on a few pales of hay and was boasting and posing to the throng of admirers. Altallo and Kiya had moved to a secluded corner of the ship by a porthole.
The hours seemed to slip by slowly as the ship sails past a cluster of small sandy islands and then there was nothing but open sea. The Athenians steadily lose interest in Theseus and instead sit morosely in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Night crawls in and most of the prisoners are asleep, except Altallo who stares out of one of the portholes, lost in thought.
At sunrise, an island comes into view.
“We’ll be landing on Crete soon!” a sailor says, poking his head in. “Look sharp.”
They soon traipse out on deck as two sleek warships slice through the water to meet them. All three ships ease their way into a sheltered harbour next to a massive city. The great walls were battered and decaying, detritus strewn all over them from the sea. Boats lie cracked and splintered on the sand or on rocks.
“It looks like a tidal wave hit this place.” Altallo whispers to Kiya.
“Ha! This is Knossos? The great capital of mighty Crete?” Theseus scoffs. “We could smash them easily-”
“Get moving!” A guard prods Theseus in the back with the butt of his spear and the vain prince immediately falls silent. They are forced along a ruined street where nervous and broken faces peak from windows and doorways. The street rises upwards towards a huge building at the top of a hill. Despite of its wear and tear, it is a magnificent structure, with red columns and walls with colourful murals that looked as though they could leap off the wall. They are lead through a maze of corridors, most of which were deserted, until they came to a halt in front of cell. Most of them are forced inside, but Altallo is dragged off. An hour later, he is pushed roughly inside, now dressed in similar white robes. Kiya thought he looked much smaller without his headdress and familiar blue and gold.
“If only I had made a dash outside. I kept trying to find a loophole or-”
“Never mind that,” Kiya replies calmly. “You couldn’t have done anything anyway with all those thugs. What I don’t understand is why go to all this trouble bringing us here?”
“Humiliation at a guess,” Altallo says frowning. “Or slave labour like those Epithedrial zealots.”
A thick arm seizes Altallo round the shoulders and he’s pulled into a sort of wrestle-hug by Theseus.
“Ah my weirdo friend!” Theseus booms, ruffling Altallo’s hair. “Don’t be so scared. You have me, the bandit slayer here to protect you from whatever may come! Now put a smile on that sad old face.”
He releases Altallo who gags and wobbles away to massage his neck. Kiya meanwhile had only eyes for Theseus.
“Well, you certainly are the strongest and most handsome prince I’ve ever met,” she says in a silky voice and then under her breath. “And the only prince I’ve met.”
Theseus grins widely and leans against one of the cell walls.
“Why thank you very much, Miss?”
“Kiya, just Kiya.”
“Such a lovely name for a graceful lady such as yourself.” Theseus gives her a sly wink and Kiya feels a flush of warmth flow to her face and starts fanning herself.
“Maybe after all this is over, maybe we could get to know each other some more?” she simpers, stroking his chin. Behind her Altallo has straightened up and rolls his eyes.
“I already know that I have found myself the loveliest princess in the world. And I, being the hero I am, deserve the best.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake.” Altallo sighs, but Kiya didn’t seem to hear him. She was lost in a daze and started to lean in nearer to Theseus, her eyes closed.
With a clatter, a small window in the door opens up and a face peers in. It is a young woman, with long curling brown hair framing her face and a periwinkle dress.
“Psst. Someone, quickly over here.” she whispers.
Theseus stares dumbfounded at the girl, ignoring Kiya’s pursed lips. He pushes Kiya roughly away and in a flash is clasping the other girl’s hand in his.
“My dear lady, you are clearly the finest mortal woman in all of Greece. Will you marry me?” he whimpers, but the girl wrests her hand out with a disgusted sound.
“Ugh, get out of my way you big lump! Ah, you look sane.” she says as Altallo shoves Theseus aside. “My name is Ariadne. I am the daughter of King Minos and princess of Crete.”
“Ah so you are a princess in peril-” Theseus starts, but Altallo elbows him softly in the ribs to shut up. Behind them, Kiya picks herself off from the ground and looking downright livid.
“I want to help you. I don’t want to see anyone hurt, not even the children of the people who killed my brother.”
It was as if a block of ice had sunk into Altallo. He turns to Theseus, a mixture of horror and revulsion on his face.
“What does she mean?”
“Oh must be that stuck up prince from Crete. He competed in the Olympia games and beat Athens in nearly every event, so-”
“So you murdered him?” Altallo cuts across him in a biting voice. He takes a deep breath. “You’re just lucky that I also don’t want to see young people harmed. Otherwise I’d leave you here where you belong. Tell me,” he turns back to Ariadne. “What have they in store for us?”
“There’s…a creature, called the Minotaur.” Ariadne says in a hushed voice. “I haven’t seen it in years. My father had some soldiers lock it away in a giant maze called the Labyrinth. He has started this tribute to punish Athens and as a sort of experiment; he wants to see if the beast really is deadly. It’s impossible to escape from, except through one door.”
“Where the prisoners are lead into I assume?”
“That’s right. I have an idea though,” Ariadne reaches into dress and pulls out a ball of thread. She passes it to Altallo. “You can use this to guide yourself through the maze. And...I hope you won’t need this, but.”
She hands Altallo a bronze sword.
“Please, only use it if you have to, but-”
Theseus snatches the sword and holds it aloft.
“At last! Thanks to my future wife, I now have the means to destroy Minos’ foul monster!” he cries at the top of his voice. “The muses shall sing of my great deed!”
“The idiot will bring every guard on Crete if he doesn’t shut up!” Kiya yells.
“Too late!” Ariadne hisses. “I’m not allowed here. Good luck.”
She disappears as Theseus continues to bellow. The door swings open a moment later and two huge guards stride in. They instantly see the sword brandished by Theseus, who tries to hide it behind his back. One of the guards grabs his arm and twists it painfully, while the other snatches the sword away. The guard holding Theseus throws him to the wall, before both walk silently out again. Whimpering and snivelling like a small child, Theseus retreats to a corner and cowers.
That night, the dark cell was full of the gentle breathing of the sleeping Athenians, though most didn’t seem relaxed. Every once in a while one would convulse, sob or open their eyes and stare hopelessly at the ceiling, begging the gods for help. Kiya lies huddled on a rough bed of straw, eyes closed yet unable to sleep. She whispers under her breath to the goddesses Isis and Hathor to protect them. A movement nearby startles her and she sits up, fist raised to punch, but it is only Altallo.
“I’m on your side remember!” he laughs, his hands in the air. “Can’t sleep?”
“No.” Kiya replies groggily. “What about you?”
“I don’t need to. Though I sometimes pretend to just feel it,” he says, sitting down next to her. “What is on your mind?”
“Apart from the dread of impending death by unknown monsters,” Kiya begins in a sarcastic tone, but then her voice falters. “I feel so stupid. “This is all my fault. If only I had kept my big fat mouth shut, then we wouldn’t be here.”
“Honestly me and Shern’aath were planning something similar, well, almost. Except we were going to tail the boat in the spaceship and try and break the prisoners out, and possibly this Minotaur creature...if it was friendly at least.”
Kiya stares at Altallo and then slaps a hand to her face.
“Ugh, why didn’t I think of that!” Kiya groans. “And that Mino-thingy. What do you think it is.”
“I wish I knew,” Altallo says, “All I know its just as much a prisoner as we are. I wonder what its feeling and thinking now, if it can I mean.
“It scares me.” Kiya whispers. “What if it's rabid or gone completely mad and eats us? Or what if we can’t reason with it?"
"Kiya.." Altallo says with concern
"What if we All die and it's my fault!" Kiya says seeming close to tears
Altallo puts his hand in her lap causing Kiya to look up at him with tearful eyes.
"You didn't regret coming along with me, and I don't regret being here with you. We'll make it out of this together we've been through a lot before and we'll make it though this jut the same" he says with a reassuring and comforting smile.
"Your right.. I don’t see how we’re going to get out of here, but I can’t lose hope." Kiya replies, wiping her face with her hand. “I just wish I could see Ramos and the other priests again. I wonder what they’d think if they saw me now.” Kiya says in a hushed voice.
“You miss them a lot?” Altallo asks kindly, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“Yes. I will never ever forget them,” she looks at Altallo. “What about you? You’ll never see your home again now. Do you even remember its like?”
Altallo doesn’t answer at first and bites his lip.
“I remember bits of it. There’s not much honestly, no shade from trees, no flowers, no birdsong. But to me, home was and still is the faces. Yours, Shern’aath’s, the dinosaur tribes, the people I met on my travels, even Theseus over there. And also my Brother and Sister Eternals. Its been so long since I’ve seen them, yet their faces shine in front of me when I’m alone or sad,” he gives a small sigh. “I wish I could see Shern’aath again. I know it’s only been a day, but it feels like a hundred years since I last saw him.”
He goes silent and Kiya takes hold of his hands. Unbeknown to either of them, Theseus has been listening to them. His eyes glisten with tears as he thinks about his father. He stops as he hears Altallo again.
“But who says we’ll never see each other again. Come on Kiya. Its not over yet!”
He jumps up, startling Kiya and rushes to the door. He carefully takes out small, thin piece of metal from his sandal and starts picking at the lock.
“Where did you get that?” Kiya whispers.
“It became stuck to my shoe when we were walking up to the palace.”
“That’s...oddly convenient.”
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth Kiya. Got it!”
The door swings quietly open...to reveal four guards. Altallo’s mouth falls open in shock but then he puts on a smile.
“Ah..hahah, oh dear, this door seems rather loose. You should get that sorted out you know-”
The guards push him roughly back inside.
“Tricky little thing aren’t you?” One of them says, taking the metal from Altallo. “Well for that you’ll be the first- No, wait. Your friend will be the first.”
He snatches Kiya and drags her out.
“Lets see how the Minotaur handles a little exotic snack before the main course.” he sneers. Kiya scowls at him but the guard doesn’t seem phased. “Feisty and full of fire, eh? Just wait till you see the labyrinth.”
They start leading her away. Altallo spots something clutched in Kiya’s hand as the door swings shut again.
“At least she has the thread.” He breathes out once they are out of earshot.
“What use is that?” Theseus grunts. “You think she’s going to tie the creature up and give it a stern talking to?”
Kiya is lead down more passageways, all the while the same guard rambles about how filthy Athenians are and how everyone feared the labyrinth is, but Kiya pays no attention. Everything felt unreal. Every step was numb and every sound was dim. She stared ahead, gaze unfocused and soon the guard became bored with her. The only thing that caught Kiya’s eye was the princess Ariadne hiding in the shadows, watching her go past with a sorrowful expression on her face. Kiya gives her a small nod and a thumbs up though.
After what seemed to be an eternity, they stopped. In front of them was a door covered in gold sheeting, with a carving of a bull’s head on it. Another guard unlocks the door and the first pushes Kiya roughly inside.
“I am sorry.” the second guard says sadly, before closing the door. Kiya licked her lips uneasily. Three passages built of grey stone lie before her, one to her right, one to her left and the other straight on. Fumbling with the thread, she ties it to the doorknob and deciding at random, goes straight ahead while playing out the thread.
Soon she notices two things. First, the cold. There were no windows or open sky and the chill made her breath billow and flow around her mouth like smoke. Second and more disturbing, the silence. As soon as the guard’s footsteps had died away, there was not a sound at all, only her breath and footsteps. All the while she felt like she was being watched. She almost wished the creature would bellow and roar just so she’d know where it was and even have a bit of company.
The labyrinth was soon wearing on Kiya. She had gone forwards, left, right, retraced her steps and avoided several dead-ends and every tunnel looked the same. Finally after the sixteenth dead-end, she decides to go back to the door. She turns...and what meets her eye almost makes her faint.
Framed at the end of the passage in the dim and dusty light is a massive figure, almost twice the size of a full grown man and from the broadness of its shoulders and arms, clearly very powerful. A pair of horns curve up from its head, its legs ended in what looked like hooves and a long tail swished behind it.
Kiya almost sank to the floor, eyes wide open. The creature just stood there as quiet as a statue. Kiya strained to see its face, but the lighting made it near impossible. She finally found her voice.
“I...I’m not s-scared of you.” she stammers, aware of how pathetic she sounds. Then she tries again. “Well come on then! If you’re s-supposed to be as terrible as they say, why aren’t you doing anything?! I’ve seen worst than you, great fire breathing machines and silver giants. I...I...I-”
Her voice trails off. The creature had started walking slowly towards her, its hooves clopping loudly on the stone floor. Vivid images of being impaled on those horns or swatted by hooves flashed in her mind and she covers her eyes, braced for the charge.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 30.3 kB
Listed in Folders
Well, quite along and impressive journey. You've improved your writing a great deal and grasped character description and environment description so things come a life for the reader a lot better. Your characters have developed from a writer's stand point excellently, I like how you now spend time emphasizing the weight of internal characterization, this is something I need to improve on myself as the genres and styles I tend to write in have made me lazy by circumventing the need for this.
I got one small mechanical piece of critique for you as it is something that has persisted throughout since the beginning. You need to use past tense and not present tense. Sometimes you have your tenses right, but it seems to disintegrate rapidly back present tense.
It is strange, but the human mind reads past tense as happening, thus it flows a lot better.
EX: Present
Framed at the end of the passage in the dim and dusty light is a massive figure, almost twice the size of a full grown man and from the broadness of its shoulders and arms, clearly very powerful. A pair of horns curve up from its head, its legs ended in what looked like hooves and a long tail swished behind it.
Kiya almost sank to the floor, eyes wide open. The creature just stood there as quiet as a statue. Kiya strained to see its face, but the lighting made it near impossible. She finally found her voice.
“I...I’m not s-scared of you.” she stammers, aware of how pathetic she sounds. Then she tries again. “Well come on then! If you’re s-supposed to be as terrible as they say, why aren’t you doing anything?! I’ve seen worst than you, great fire breathing machines and silver giants. I...I...I-”
Her voice trails off. The creature had started walking slowly towards her, its hooves clopping loudly on the stone floor. Vivid images of being impaled on those horns or swatted by hooves flashed in her mind and she covers her eyes, braced for the charge.
EX: Past
Framed at the end of the passage in the dim and dusty light was a massive figure, almost twice the size of a full grown man and from the broadness of its shoulders and arms, clearly very powerful. A pair of horns curved up from its head, its legs ended in what looked like hooves and a long tail swished (correct) behind it.
Kiya almost sank to the floor, eyes wide open. The creature just stood (correct) there as quiet as a statue. Kiya strained (correct) to see its face, but the lighting made it near impossible. She finally found her voice.
“I...I’m not s-scared of you.” she stammered, aware of how pathetic she sounded. Then she tried again. “Well come on then! If you’re s-supposed to be as terrible as they say, why aren’t you doing anything?! I’ve seen worst than you, great fire breathing machines and silver giants. I...I...I-”
Her voice trailed off. The creature had started (correct) walking slowly towards her, its hooves clopping loudly on the stone floor. Vivid images of being impaled on those horns or swatted by hooves flashed in her mind and she covered her eyes, braced for the charge.
Again, it just kind of slips off, mainly with dialogue tags.
Another thing you've improved on is breaking up repetitive sentence/paragraph structure.
So you've come a long way, and your improvement and hard work shows, a story fueled by fun ideas .
~Helix
I got one small mechanical piece of critique for you as it is something that has persisted throughout since the beginning. You need to use past tense and not present tense. Sometimes you have your tenses right, but it seems to disintegrate rapidly back present tense.
It is strange, but the human mind reads past tense as happening, thus it flows a lot better.
EX: Present
Framed at the end of the passage in the dim and dusty light is a massive figure, almost twice the size of a full grown man and from the broadness of its shoulders and arms, clearly very powerful. A pair of horns curve up from its head, its legs ended in what looked like hooves and a long tail swished behind it.
Kiya almost sank to the floor, eyes wide open. The creature just stood there as quiet as a statue. Kiya strained to see its face, but the lighting made it near impossible. She finally found her voice.
“I...I’m not s-scared of you.” she stammers, aware of how pathetic she sounds. Then she tries again. “Well come on then! If you’re s-supposed to be as terrible as they say, why aren’t you doing anything?! I’ve seen worst than you, great fire breathing machines and silver giants. I...I...I-”
Her voice trails off. The creature had started walking slowly towards her, its hooves clopping loudly on the stone floor. Vivid images of being impaled on those horns or swatted by hooves flashed in her mind and she covers her eyes, braced for the charge.
EX: Past
Framed at the end of the passage in the dim and dusty light was a massive figure, almost twice the size of a full grown man and from the broadness of its shoulders and arms, clearly very powerful. A pair of horns curved up from its head, its legs ended in what looked like hooves and a long tail swished (correct) behind it.
Kiya almost sank to the floor, eyes wide open. The creature just stood (correct) there as quiet as a statue. Kiya strained (correct) to see its face, but the lighting made it near impossible. She finally found her voice.
“I...I’m not s-scared of you.” she stammered, aware of how pathetic she sounded. Then she tried again. “Well come on then! If you’re s-supposed to be as terrible as they say, why aren’t you doing anything?! I’ve seen worst than you, great fire breathing machines and silver giants. I...I...I-”
Her voice trailed off. The creature had started (correct) walking slowly towards her, its hooves clopping loudly on the stone floor. Vivid images of being impaled on those horns or swatted by hooves flashed in her mind and she covered her eyes, braced for the charge.
Again, it just kind of slips off, mainly with dialogue tags.
Another thing you've improved on is breaking up repetitive sentence/paragraph structure.
So you've come a long way, and your improvement and hard work shows, a story fueled by fun ideas .
~Helix
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