Now, I'm gonna be constructive here. Audios, OK. Stories, less than desirable. First, run-on sentences are pretty common in these. Work on allowing the reader to breathe whenever he reads a sentence out loud. Second, I'd cut down on the playwright-esque format that you often use. It's kind of like reading a script, not a story. At the very least, use just quotations with "(character) said/any other way of saying 'said'" before or after a quote. Finally, learn to proofread for any punctuation errors in the story. Use periods at the end of a sentence. Use question marks when a character asks a question. Use exclamation points when a character says an exclamation. Use punctuation marks properly. Also, use parentheses when you want to use an addendum in a sentence. Example:
"The issue on the table (which has been pointed out many times before) is another case of murder."
Just being constructive and expressing my opinion.

Ahh i couldn’t said this better myself, thank you! ^w^

You didn't need to.

Guys this was a script I uploaded for an upcoming double audio I'm planning