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Here you go guys, a bite sized tidbit I think you will all enjoy. The [mostly if not] fully fleshed out Chapter 1 of our up and coming book [series?]. Comments, thoughts, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. flames are not.
DO NOT COPY, ALTER, DISTRIBUTE OR USE ANY PART OF THIS, COPYRIGHT OF THIS WORK BELONGS SOLELY TO:
jagdwolf and 
lulunekolucy
DO NOT COPY, ALTER, DISTRIBUTE OR USE ANY PART OF THIS, COPYRIGHT OF THIS WORK BELONGS SOLELY TO:
jagdwolf and 
lulunekolucy
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 41 kB
Listed in Folders
I feel honored to be getting in the first comment. =^-^=
It seems to be pretty darn good from what I can tell. Looks to have a solid plot, a thought out world, decent characters, and bit of an attention to detail.
It's still got a lil bit of roughness in grammar , but you dun have to worry about that just yet. That's for farther towards the end when you're having to pretty things up for us readers. Besides that, the only other constructive criticism I can give is to maybe work things to be a little less direct with some of the detail's given on the characters. What I mean to say by that is that, I dunno, I sometimes just kinda felt like I was already getting quite a few details on the characters and their back-stories, even though it was only the first chapter.
It seems like author's tend to entice their reader's at the beginning by dragging things out a bit. They make the details of things a bit more indirect and they'll make use of vague allusions, or references that we think we might have a clue towards what is being said, but won't ever really know until much further in the book. That's where the author get's to have a bit of fun. They can either grant us a triumphant feeling and let our expectations be correct, or they can further entice us by taking an unexpected twist that still actually also properly answers that earlier answer.
Erm... I think I kinda trailed off there. #o.o# Sorry!
Anyways, I really do like the story so far. I think it does have great potential, and I hope you find much inspiration as you continue to work on it.
It seems to be pretty darn good from what I can tell. Looks to have a solid plot, a thought out world, decent characters, and bit of an attention to detail.
It's still got a lil bit of roughness in grammar , but you dun have to worry about that just yet. That's for farther towards the end when you're having to pretty things up for us readers. Besides that, the only other constructive criticism I can give is to maybe work things to be a little less direct with some of the detail's given on the characters. What I mean to say by that is that, I dunno, I sometimes just kinda felt like I was already getting quite a few details on the characters and their back-stories, even though it was only the first chapter.
It seems like author's tend to entice their reader's at the beginning by dragging things out a bit. They make the details of things a bit more indirect and they'll make use of vague allusions, or references that we think we might have a clue towards what is being said, but won't ever really know until much further in the book. That's where the author get's to have a bit of fun. They can either grant us a triumphant feeling and let our expectations be correct, or they can further entice us by taking an unexpected twist that still actually also properly answers that earlier answer.
Erm... I think I kinda trailed off there. #o.o# Sorry!
Anyways, I really do like the story so far. I think it does have great potential, and I hope you find much inspiration as you continue to work on it.
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