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-headtable-
ugh. I really went off on a tangent when I submitted this a few hours ago.
I've chilled out now, I'll be fine. I just have a bad tendency to trap myself in overthinking and junk.
oi... I still really like this overall though, the slowpoke amuses me.
~~~
so. this is my last week of therapy before I'm kinda released back into the world.
And today kinda fucked me up. Because we wound up touching on A: How I'm actually really scared about the future and what I'll do when this is all over, and B: the fact that, intentional or not, my parents sort of instilled in me this concept that my worth as a person comes from WORK and MONEY and ARE YOU WORKING YET? HAS THERAPY GOTTEN YOU OKAY ENOUGH TO WORK AGAIN? YOU GONNA GEHT A JAHB WHEN THIS IS DONE?
Which, haha, kinda now compulsively makes me feel like I'm inherently worthless if I'm not somewhere else every day for 8 hours and wearing my stress like a badge of fucking honor. And then looking at OTHER people who DO have to work makes it worse because then I'll beat myself up internally for not being able to do that right now and feel bad that I'm not contributing and that it isn't fair that my spouse works but I don't so I'm an asshole andbark bark bark bark bark bark this is how my OCD works bark bark BARK BARK FUCKIN BARK
Ugh. I'm having the kind of head-day where I could keep talking in circles forever about this.
You ever watch My Hero Academia and Deku just continually mutters under his breath to himself? That's pretty close to what I'll end up doing to myself.
but anyway.
Mizu bought me this little plush Slowpoke the other day.
And like. Small, palm-sized fuzzy objects help ground me a little bit. And only recently have I accepted that I kinda need it sometimes, whereas beforehand I'd feel ashamed of it.
And I look at this little fuckin' slowpoke with its doofy little face and I'm like.
I gotta take a note from this thing. My head keeps moving too fast sometimes and I'll start panicking over imaginary scenarios and just. I have to slow down.
I'll figure it all out in time, but I can't rush it. Despite feeling a bit pressured to do exactly that.
[i]-forehead bangs on the desk-[/b]
I'm gonna go play something for a while or else I'm gonna go on forever. I know that's kinda the obsessive nature in me to get stuck on topics like this and AAAAAHHHH I'M GONNA KEEP GOING IF I DON'T STOP MYSELF.
BARK BARK
BARK
ugh. I really went off on a tangent when I submitted this a few hours ago.
I've chilled out now, I'll be fine. I just have a bad tendency to trap myself in overthinking and junk.
oi... I still really like this overall though, the slowpoke amuses me.
~~~
And today kinda fucked me up. Because we wound up touching on A: How I'm actually really scared about the future and what I'll do when this is all over, and B: the fact that, intentional or not, my parents sort of instilled in me this concept that my worth as a person comes from WORK and MONEY and ARE YOU WORKING YET? HAS THERAPY GOTTEN YOU OKAY ENOUGH TO WORK AGAIN? YOU GONNA GEHT A JAHB WHEN THIS IS DONE?
Which, haha, kinda now compulsively makes me feel like I'm inherently worthless if I'm not somewhere else every day for 8 hours and wearing my stress like a badge of fucking honor. And then looking at OTHER people who DO have to work makes it worse because then I'll beat myself up internally for not being able to do that right now and feel bad that I'm not contributing and that it isn't fair that my spouse works but I don't so I'm an asshole andbark bark bark bark bark bark this is how my OCD works bark bark BARK BARK FUCKIN BARK
Ugh. I'm having the kind of head-day where I could keep talking in circles forever about this.
You ever watch My Hero Academia and Deku just continually mutters under his breath to himself? That's pretty close to what I'll end up doing to myself.
but anyway.
Mizu bought me this little plush Slowpoke the other day.
And like. Small, palm-sized fuzzy objects help ground me a little bit. And only recently have I accepted that I kinda need it sometimes, whereas beforehand I'd feel ashamed of it.
And I look at this little fuckin' slowpoke with its doofy little face and I'm like.
I gotta take a note from this thing. My head keeps moving too fast sometimes and I'll start panicking over imaginary scenarios and just. I have to slow down.
I'll figure it all out in time, but I can't rush it. Despite feeling a bit pressured to do exactly that.
[i]-forehead bangs on the desk-[/b]
I'm gonna go play something for a while or else I'm gonna go on forever. I know that's kinda the obsessive nature in me to get stuck on topics like this and AAAAAHHHH I'M GONNA KEEP GOING IF I DON'T STOP MYSELF.
BARK BARK
BARK
Category Artwork (Digital) / General Furry Art
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 925 x 1000px
File Size 518 kB
DWD? We all have those "What have I done with my life" moments. I still kick my self some times for not staying in the Army...but, I find reasons that I'm glad I'm out. I've people, I'd have never met if I was still in. People, and friends. Who ensure I feel like I've actually done right.
You've got those~ Miz? Hell YOU are a heck of a friend your self.
As for what you're gonna do with your life? Well, living sounds like a good start.
Work...is bleh. trust me. Finding that "perfect job" is a trick and a half. Some say nigh impossible
Focus on one thing.
Every day, you get up. Is another day to try. Try to figure something out, anything form a math problem, to what you're going to eat and wear for the day, To a job you think you might be able to stand.
I know..I'm just a random stranger...but, I can say. I know where you're coming from. I've been there. And still have a "flashback" or two going back to it.
You've made it this far. Why stop now? You're stronger then you think. And have more options then you know *waves* You've fans, we're a resource if ya ask us for help job hunting. or resume polishing-etc
I wish you a good evening. So, to that ser, I say "Meow"
You've got those~ Miz? Hell YOU are a heck of a friend your self.
As for what you're gonna do with your life? Well, living sounds like a good start.
Work...is bleh. trust me. Finding that "perfect job" is a trick and a half. Some say nigh impossible
Focus on one thing.
Every day, you get up. Is another day to try. Try to figure something out, anything form a math problem, to what you're going to eat and wear for the day, To a job you think you might be able to stand.
I know..I'm just a random stranger...but, I can say. I know where you're coming from. I've been there. And still have a "flashback" or two going back to it.
You've made it this far. Why stop now? You're stronger then you think. And have more options then you know *waves* You've fans, we're a resource if ya ask us for help job hunting. or resume polishing-etc
I wish you a good evening. So, to that ser, I say "Meow"
I do really appreciate that.
And i mean... like I just get stuck in these loops of self depreciating thoughts and all.
I know I gotta still take this a day at a time and just take things as they come. Everything gets so exaggerated in my head to be this catastrophic scenario, when in reality it's far from apocalyptic. And I know I've got some good friends here, for sure.
I think a decent night of sleep will help clear my head. I'm a little bit of a skipping record tonight.
And i mean... like I just get stuck in these loops of self depreciating thoughts and all.
I know I gotta still take this a day at a time and just take things as they come. Everything gets so exaggerated in my head to be this catastrophic scenario, when in reality it's far from apocalyptic. And I know I've got some good friends here, for sure.
I think a decent night of sleep will help clear my head. I'm a little bit of a skipping record tonight.
I find so much relatable in this. Ever since last year, with all the stable things I once took for granted in upheaval (maybe I just REALLY need to keep myself from looking at the news), things have been gloomy, and now that I've graduated with a degree I don't really understand the applications for, I find myself flailing in the dark for direction...
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