On March 31st, 2018, at 11am, I said goodbye to my very best friend.

He was 16 years old, and I'd had him since he was weaned. I picked him when he was born, and there was not a day that went by that this dog was not a part of my life.

When my parents got divorced, I had Zippo.
When my father went to prison, I had Zippo.
He was with me at the deepest, darkest moments of my life, from the above-mentioned, to other deeply shaping incidents - including when I was sexually assaulted.
He is the reason I did not kill myself when I attempted suicide. He was the reason I stopped.

I have had a long and very tumultuous life, even at only 26 years old. I have known loss and heartache, I have known joy and wonder. I have learned, and lived, and made so many mistakes. I have fallen, and never been perfect.

But none of it mattered to Zippo. Never once did he think I wasn't enough, or that I didn't deserve the boundless, endless love he had to offer.

After the long days and the depression, after the loneliness and lostness I felt for so long, he was *always there.*

No matter how bad it got, or how broken I felt, his big brown eyes and wagging tail were always there to cuddle up to me and warm me on the coldest nights.

I have known heartache, heartbreak, loss. I have known so much pain.

And not a single bit of it has ever amounted to the type of agony I feel at losing my little Zippa-doe.

We had a bond that you often only see in movies; and a trust that ran so deep it was shocking to people who hadn't ever been so blessed.

I'm so so sorry for my absence the last month. It has been one event after another, and has culminated in the loss of my very best, most faithful, most loving friend.

Sixteen beautiful, wonderful years of devotion and love. I was terrified of the day that he would no longer be at my side, and dreaded it so deeply. And yet all that fear never prepared me for just how deeply the wound would run.

My sweet pup, my baby before I had a child. My reason for living many days, and my strength to keep going when I had none left.

May your wings be bright and lift you high, may you find Foxy at the Rainbow Bridge.

Wait for my, my sweet boy. Keep those bright eyes open and searching for my face.
God knows that I'll be looking for yours as soon as I can.

Until then, I'd give anything to see you one more time, to hug and kiss and love and pet you. To rejoice at your silly antics, and to bask in the neverending love you always had to give.

Sixteen years, they say is so long for a dog.
But no time would ever be enough.

I love you, sweet boy. And God, I miss you so.