I suppose that grape juice's odometer can roll over into a better product. (With a little help.)

Just how *old* is some of that stuff in the fridge? Do I need to break out the bio-hazard suit... again?

And yes, we are totally ordering pizza...

the chef salad has recently applied for independent nation with the UN, and is already writing a hymn. "Auferstanden aus Proteinen..."

Don't forget the flamethrower...

Just call on Doc, he's got some experience with fighting fridge monsters.

read it backwards, maybe it will help

"This can expired in 1966!"

"What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn."

"Except it's *deviled ham*!"

"Now that would be a problem."

And to follow with the cooking spray on the floor and the ladder.

Reminds me of my pet Kool-Ade.

I lived in an apartment alone for my last 3 years of college. Sometime in the first year of that, I made a pitcher of Kool-Ade. Being fruit punch flavored, it was red. Remember that.

I had a couple of glasses of punch out of it, and then let it be. Then I forgot about it.

When I graduated and was preparing to move out, I found it again. "Oh, hey!" I thought. "I wonder if this is still good." It was filled with preservatives, right? So foolish, naive me took the top off the pitcher and looked inside.

The punch was electric blue, with about 3 inches of orange-juice colored fuzz on top. No, I did not drink it.

And that is the story of my pet Kool-Ade.

Frank! That's where you got to!

I think this is more like where Frank came from. Last I saw he was entering the apartment's plumbing system, throwing an angry snarl.over his shoulder. No idea what became of him afterwards. The lout never writes, though I'm quite sure he's capable of it.

My brother did some 2-way radio maintenance at New Departure Bearing in Bristol, CT. He had to go into the Engineering area to make some adjustments to one piece of equipment or another. As he tweaked the Veeblefetzer or whatever, he happened to look up at the ceiling. Most of the panels were thickly wooded with pencils stuck in the acoustic tile. One workspace, however, had a number of thick, golden-brown blobs in the overhead.

One of the techies noticed him admiring the cornice, as it were. "Oh, that's Joe's desk. He built a Twinkie cannon out of PVC pipe and air hose."

"How long have those been up there?"

"Oh, he retired more than ten years ago, so, yeah."

My brother insists they still looked factory-fresh.

I had a friend show me a picture of a package of pancake mix from 1986 that he found in someone's fridge.

Sealed honey is safe. They have tested honey from ancient Egypt and it was still edible. Honey does have antibiotic properties. Fruitcake is theorized to last a century due to the amount of alcohol used to make it. Hardtack, yes it is safe to eat after 50 years from a salted barrel. Soak in water or warm fat to soften it up or, the dentist will love you.

The mayo in the back of the fridge that is a decade old, I am not so sure.

Military grade Aunt Jemima mix, is safe to eat, but it is an explosive used in world war two in Asia.

Aunt Jemima is a nice lady in the kitchen, but gets a bit volatile when you mess with her recipes.

I think she would forgive them, I found a source and only 15 tons were made but, never detected by the Japanese and used to in China. It was for resistance fighters to destroy infrastructure like rail lines, bridges and such.

Defeating the enemy was top priority, the faster the war was won was less men dying.

a big german radio station went and asked their audience to dig up the oldest piece of conserved food they could find in their storage.
the winner was a can of cocoa powder from ealry 60's (the company vanished mid-60's), and they sent a TV team there for evidence. and there it was in that cellar, sitting on the shelf unopened. they carefully lifted the lid and had a taste... and the powder was still good.
I'm not sure if they send a sample to a laboratory to find out if there was a change, at least they had plans to do it. the powder should be eaten by now, I don't think it would have lasted long under these circumstances. :P

We once found one of those chocolate milk cartons in the ceiling of the room where we had the percussion instruments stored in the band room. It wasn't unexpected as stuff was regularly found up there. Issue was that normally a drummer would confess having seen items put up there. This time, all of them were stumped. We figure it had been up there at least 5 years since no one had ever heard of the darn thing.

I've had this conversation... had to enlighten my roommate to the concept of salmonella

That's just a girl salmon!

No one expects the salmon mousse

Wait a minute... I didn't have the salmon!

Oh look Flinters has that pouch that he always wanted!

This reminds me of the other night:
"I am full of Taco Bell. And Regret."

If something gets even near it's expiry date I want it out of my sight.

This kind of reminds me of something George Carlin did years ago called "ICE BOX MAN!"
Did you ever come across an empty plate in the back of the fridge? It got me to wondering...Did something eat something else?!?!

Heh, I found a small jug of spice-infused vinegar from 1996 in my parent's cupboards this year, never opened and the safety-seal plastic intact! But, I'm sure it's no good as it has a shriveled organic cork stopper and the herbs have all assumed the same faded color. Oldest I've yet found! XD

reminds me of a school product where we soaked eggs in liquids of our choice.... I threw mine in molasses. everybody could smell my project

Heh, and I thought I liked to hold on to old canned foods. I've eaten some cans of corned beef and even SPAM that were well past their expiry dates with no apparent ill-effect. I believe it's best to use good judgement when eating such foods. If you even suspect it's possibly gone bad by smell or appearance, then dispose of it. And of course, if the cans are damaged or appear to be bulging, yeah, definitely throw it out!

For some reason I was reminded of the Homer Simpson quote, "I should have never eaten that package of dried gravy I found in the parking lot". No idea why though...

Cut to: Flinters, on the floor, can opened, facehugger attached to head.