TL;DR DD had a real real bad anxious breakdown that lasted for a few days, he's getting professional help and he also quit his shitty stressful job.

Allright, so. Some shit happened in the last few days. But I don't want to make a whole novel about it, so I'm going to stick to relevant points here.


1. My anxiety/panic reached a bad [b]bad[/i] apex. I was not okay this past weekend, my head was a complete mess and I was ready to do anything to make it stop. Even if it meant some serious harm to myself. I just wanted the noise in my head to stop, to just stop this relentless train of thought that wouldn't slow down. Being so anxious and panicked constantly, it was a bad time. My family was very concerned and urged me to go a step above and get evaluated at a psychiatric hospital. I didn't want to go, but It wound up being a very informative visit. And I'll be going into a program soon to really help me get a handle on this.
I'm so tired, you guys. I'm exhausted 90% of the time, and the doctor told me that's highly likely due to the fact that my body is under so much stress that I never get any decent rest anymore.

2. carrying off of that, I also quit my grocery story job as an all-purpose clerk. That environment was/has been killing me for a long time now. Hell, all of this ugliness started when I had another panic attack at work friday night. After this whole anxiety evaluation, I went to work the next day and talked privately with my manager, and just confessed that I'm no comfortable continuing to be there. Always fighting to keep my composure in a building full of loud and angry customers, having to run all over the building every day, constantly retreating to the back room to fucking hide and cry myself back down to being functional again. Thankfully, they understood and didn't try to shame me or judge me about it. They want me to keep in touch and check in sometime when this gets better, so that was comforting.

3. though that leads us to now. I'm waiting on a phonecall to set me up for this program and now I'm out of work. I have enough money saved up to keep me afloat for a while, and I even have a few interviews coming. I thought about opening up commissions, but I'm not totally sure if I'd feel up for the commitment just yet. I'll make an actual announcement if I opt to do that to make a little scratch.

I mostly just want to try and rest for a few days. I haven't been okay for a while now and my only two options were letting it eat me alive or accepting that I needed real help. And y'all know which one is better to take.
Has been so goddamn supportive for me throughout this too, and I don't I'd have made it this far in life without them. I've been such a mess lately and I'm so grateful that they've held my hand through it all. A big part of doing this is so that I don't worry them so hard. I want to get better to a point where they don't have to worry about me panicking or having episodes so often.

anyways. God, this turned into a whole novel anyways, didn't it? Thank you if you actually sat through all that.
with all this said, of course I go into minecraft and make a giant "send nudes" sign with my time off.