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Story / Fat Furs
Species Mammal (Other)
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It's tough trying to make it as a baker. No one knows this better than Lori. She's a ferret with skill but the road to becoming an accomplished and respected baker isn't an easy one. Thankfully, with the help of her roommate Chelsea, she's well on her way to becoming a big success.
An amazing story by
almeric! :D
An amazing story by
almeric! :D
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Mammal (Other)
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 496.5 kB
Wow, that took me forever to get through, but it was quite the engaging read with some excellent descriptions and two very likable main protagonists.
If I could offer a few criticisms, it could have done with some proofreading as I noticed a lot of spelling errors, missing punctuations, and redundant word uses. The pacing also felt like it lagged a bit in the middle as much of it was taken up with Lori trying out more and more recipes while Chelsea tested them and made an absolute pig of herself.
This next bit isn't so much a problem as a pet peeve of mine; The consistent use of the word "paws". I know these characters are based on animal species, but if they have fingers and thumbs, then they're hands. The word "hand" is even used in verb form. On top of that, the residents of this world kept being referred to as "furs". Well, what about that chameleon and shark? They don't have fur. Would they be called a scale and fish? It's just easier to refer to them as people, because that's essentially what they are, despite not being human. One more thing was the constant use of either "snout" or "muzzle" without ever once using the word "mouth". These characters do still have mouths. The muzzle/snout is the extension on the outside.
OK, that's pretty much all I wanted to say. Overall, very nice work.
If I could offer a few criticisms, it could have done with some proofreading as I noticed a lot of spelling errors, missing punctuations, and redundant word uses. The pacing also felt like it lagged a bit in the middle as much of it was taken up with Lori trying out more and more recipes while Chelsea tested them and made an absolute pig of herself.
This next bit isn't so much a problem as a pet peeve of mine; The consistent use of the word "paws". I know these characters are based on animal species, but if they have fingers and thumbs, then they're hands. The word "hand" is even used in verb form. On top of that, the residents of this world kept being referred to as "furs". Well, what about that chameleon and shark? They don't have fur. Would they be called a scale and fish? It's just easier to refer to them as people, because that's essentially what they are, despite not being human. One more thing was the constant use of either "snout" or "muzzle" without ever once using the word "mouth". These characters do still have mouths. The muzzle/snout is the extension on the outside.
OK, that's pretty much all I wanted to say. Overall, very nice work.
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