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Her two friends gone, Sybill cried for days.
Now under a heavy dose of pills against depression and anxiety, she do her best to get better. But it's impossible to do it while staying in this city full of memories of her gone friends.
Going at work, walking on the streets, even just fucking. She became unable to enjoy it because she related it too much to her former masters.
She decided to start a new life, elsewhere. Where exactly? She don't know, where the wind will push her, maybe in a foreign country, who knows.
What she know is she must say goodbye to the one she'll never forget, visiting them one last time before leaving.
It's over
Art by
morgdl
Sybill belongs to me, please don't use her without asking.
Now under a heavy dose of pills against depression and anxiety, she do her best to get better. But it's impossible to do it while staying in this city full of memories of her gone friends.
Going at work, walking on the streets, even just fucking. She became unable to enjoy it because she related it too much to her former masters.
She decided to start a new life, elsewhere. Where exactly? She don't know, where the wind will push her, maybe in a foreign country, who knows.
What she know is she must say goodbye to the one she'll never forget, visiting them one last time before leaving.
It's over
Art by
morgdlSybill belongs to me, please don't use her without asking.
Category Artwork (Traditional) / General Furry Art
Species Vulpine (Other)
Size 1280 x 1070px
File Size 266 kB
Eh, I was the same way and still am. I'm learning how to no longer feel any sort of affection, or desire for affection, because I can't show it to any potential partner.
You'll get better at it though. People aren't worth the pain they inevitably always end up being, myself included for everyone else.
I'm starting to hate affection so keep isolating yourself and you'll get there soon. No one's worth the pain of loving.
You'll get better at it though. People aren't worth the pain they inevitably always end up being, myself included for everyone else.
I'm starting to hate affection so keep isolating yourself and you'll get there soon. No one's worth the pain of loving.
Pretty much. Suicide is pointless. Life must be lived to the bitter end, just out of curiosity in seeing how much I can suffer in life, maybe find some brief moments of joy and enjoy my friendships I still have before I constantly screw them up because I paradoxically can't handle too much affection.
Nothing beyond death. This one life I have, pathetic as I may be, is all I will ever know before returning to oblivion.
I have people that care about me too, so why not care about them in return? I just don't feel like I deserve anything good, only bad because I bring so much shitty things to good people who want to be good to me, but then I want everyone to hate me so as to isolate myself.
They'll hopefully find better people than me so I can enjoy my self-imposed isolation with less shame and guilt.
Nothing beyond death. This one life I have, pathetic as I may be, is all I will ever know before returning to oblivion.
I have people that care about me too, so why not care about them in return? I just don't feel like I deserve anything good, only bad because I bring so much shitty things to good people who want to be good to me, but then I want everyone to hate me so as to isolate myself.
They'll hopefully find better people than me so I can enjoy my self-imposed isolation with less shame and guilt.
It's not "Love" that is needed, but "Affection". To be Wanted. To be Held. That is what the body, mind and soul needs. "Love" is a concept of Sentience. It's something they created to put terms to something so misunderstood.
As a Master myself, I don't use "Love" lightly. In fact I've used it for one pet alone, and I let her go because she didn't Love me like that, but she loved another. I could have kept her and she would have obeyed, but then I'd always know I wasn't who she wanted. So now I try to keep it Physical and only partially emotional. Affection is wonderful, but it's not love.
As a Master myself, I don't use "Love" lightly. In fact I've used it for one pet alone, and I let her go because she didn't Love me like that, but she loved another. I could have kept her and she would have obeyed, but then I'd always know I wasn't who she wanted. So now I try to keep it Physical and only partially emotional. Affection is wonderful, but it's not love.
We all struggle with our own demons. Sometimes we all feel that walking away from our lives in a metaphorical sense is better than doing so in a literal. Only by leaving the past can we hope to find a new future, even if that future is not what we intended.
The following quote attributed to Bruce Lee is often what I cling to in my dark troubles, though I believe I've never hit the lowest depths of depression. "Pray not for an easy life; pray for the strength to survive a difficult one."
The following quote attributed to Bruce Lee is often what I cling to in my dark troubles, though I believe I've never hit the lowest depths of depression. "Pray not for an easy life; pray for the strength to survive a difficult one."
When you want to escape but have nowhere to go. You want to fight, but have no fangs. You want to fly, but have no wings. Then maybe start thinking of DIY neurosurgery with an increasingly intense desire to erase the feelings and memories, and hope you don't end up being a semi-conscious vegetable with a rose for a face.
When you feel so captive that this is the only way to exercise whatever sense of free will you have left, because all other options were exhausted and feel helpless otherwise.
And those left behind, wondering what went wrong. Some shifting the blame on the victim to relieve themselves of responsibility. Others internalizing it, feeling guilty for failing to listen or be available, perhaps so tightly bound as to be willing to follow their friend to the grave. Or so terribly traumatized to the point of becoming apathetic.
Sometimes, you just wish you could stop feeling, just so you don't have to experience those extremes of joy and sorrow ever again, or drown in smut to wash out the thoughts. To just observe from afar, in the gray and the cold, never getting deeply involved again to maintain a neutral state of mind, much as you yearn for those feelings again.
When you feel so captive that this is the only way to exercise whatever sense of free will you have left, because all other options were exhausted and feel helpless otherwise.
And those left behind, wondering what went wrong. Some shifting the blame on the victim to relieve themselves of responsibility. Others internalizing it, feeling guilty for failing to listen or be available, perhaps so tightly bound as to be willing to follow their friend to the grave. Or so terribly traumatized to the point of becoming apathetic.
Sometimes, you just wish you could stop feeling, just so you don't have to experience those extremes of joy and sorrow ever again, or drown in smut to wash out the thoughts. To just observe from afar, in the gray and the cold, never getting deeply involved again to maintain a neutral state of mind, much as you yearn for those feelings again.
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