Yo. So...you said on the forum you wanted critique, and I'm afraid I honestly can't deliver on that. I say that, because I thought this story was pretty darn excellent. It was well-written, moved quickly, and perfectly captured the emotions of the various scenes. I also enjoyed that it never took itself too seriously; the part with the gang made me laugh, and the singing at work was priceless.

Beatrice was a very cool character. Easy to relate to, but with enough attitude to make her seem kind of awesome. (Again, gang scene was perfect.)

The only complaint I might have is that the ending might be...I don't know, too idealistic? Sure, it's happy and all, which is great, but both of them don't have jobs, and even with talent it's astoundingly hard to get anywhere in the music business. And yet, while reading the story...I honestly didn't care. So it's probably okay as it is.

Really good story. Kudos.

an overly optimistic ending, you say? As it happens, I think you're right. I've thought of a way to change it to include more ambiguity. In addition I had originally written an epilogue giving a glance at the characters' lives in three months time - I can easily reinstate it.

Thank you so much for the comments. They helped clarify something I was not sure about in my own mind.

Fox XXX

Yeah, no worries. Happy I could help, even if it was only a little.

an overly optimistic ending, you say? As it happens, I think you're right. I've thought of a way to change it to include more ambiguity. In addition I had originally written an epilogue giving a glance at the characters' lives in three months time - I can easily reinstate it.

Thank you so much for the comments. They helped clarify something I was not sure about in my own mind.

Fox XXX