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Barry took back the wheel and the road.
But after a few minutes, he had to stop: the bite wound suddenly flared up in agony.
Gah! What the hell?! Even the bite wasn't that painful!
He rubbed to try and weaken the pain, closing his eyes.
When he opened them, he saw his hand.
A hand that wasn't even human anymore.
It was coated in a pelt of thick, brown fur, the fingers now tipped with huge, razor sharp claws instead of nails.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" yelped the trucker.
Suddenly, a wave of pain struck his entire body, forcing him to close his eyes again.
But he could still feel his body change in ways it shouldn't.
He felt his whole body swell with fur and more flesh than usual, his clothes and the bandage protest under this new constraint, his ears move towards the upper part of his head, his face elongate, a sudden pain and pressure at his fundament.
Finally, the pain receded,and he opened his eyes.
He could see that his entire body was now covered in brown fur, which felt awkward under clothes.
That his other nails had turned into claws too, adorning fingers that felt more acutely than ever the texture of the wheel he was still gripping.
That the bandage had been torn by the new bulk in his biceps (and all the body), leaving an arm that bore no bite wound anymore, not even a scar.
That he had grown a tail.
And in the rear mirror, instead of his usual bearded face, was now an extremely wolf-like face.
Art by
caseyljones
Original here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25353365/
Barry © me
Barry took back the wheel and the road.
But after a few minutes, he had to stop: the bite wound suddenly flared up in agony.
Gah! What the hell?! Even the bite wasn't that painful!
He rubbed to try and weaken the pain, closing his eyes.
When he opened them, he saw his hand.
A hand that wasn't even human anymore.
It was coated in a pelt of thick, brown fur, the fingers now tipped with huge, razor sharp claws instead of nails.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" yelped the trucker.
Suddenly, a wave of pain struck his entire body, forcing him to close his eyes again.
But he could still feel his body change in ways it shouldn't.
He felt his whole body swell with fur and more flesh than usual, his clothes and the bandage protest under this new constraint, his ears move towards the upper part of his head, his face elongate, a sudden pain and pressure at his fundament.
Finally, the pain receded,and he opened his eyes.
He could see that his entire body was now covered in brown fur, which felt awkward under clothes.
That his other nails had turned into claws too, adorning fingers that felt more acutely than ever the texture of the wheel he was still gripping.
That the bandage had been torn by the new bulk in his biceps (and all the body), leaving an arm that bore no bite wound anymore, not even a scar.
That he had grown a tail.
And in the rear mirror, instead of his usual bearded face, was now an extremely wolf-like face.
Art by
caseyljonesOriginal here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25353365/
Barry © me
Category Artwork (Digital) / Transformation
Species Werewolf / Lycanthrope
Size 1687 x 2184px
File Size 598.5 kB
Listed in Folders
Okay, here I am again, ready and raring to keep this chain going! So let's not beat around the bush and get going with my review of Part 2 for 'Under a growy moon'!
Now this chapter, oh this chapter is where the fun really begins! We open with Barry having gotten back in cab, making his way down the road to Salt Lake City. However, his trip is abruptly cut short by a sudden, searing agony in his arm - the bite wound is suddenly causing him tremendous pain. As he puzzles over the sudden pain, trying desperately to relieve it, he screws his eyes shut. Upon opening them, he's met with a shocking sight. His hand - it's covered in fur! He's got claws! His hand isn't human! His absolute shock is more than understandable, it's the only reasonable reaction to seeing something like that! However, he barely has time to even process this before his entire body is struck by a wave of pain, again forcing him to shut his eyes. However, even though he can't see, he can still feel perfectly, but what he's feeling is... wrong. His body - it's changing, in ways it simply shouldn't! When he opens his eyes again and sees himself... he's different, he's changed! His entire body is now covered in this fur, a thick coat of brown fur, his other hand has changed to match his new hand, and his face - it's not human! It looks like the face of a wolf! A werewolf.
Alright, now, I absolutely love this chapter! As I now realise I forgot to mention last time, I love Barry's outfit, and you made a brilliant choice commissioning caseyljones for the first three pages, he did a phenomenal job on them! From the big, obvious things like Barry's transformation itself to the smaller, more subtle details like the tearing of the bandage or the fact that his fingers appear to be slightly thicker after his transformation. Speaking of which, you wrote the transformation out very well, but, like the first page, I do have some suggestions that could help improve it further!
First up, the bite wound suddenly flaring up? Excellent, I really like that detail. Don't worry, that's not what I was suggesting changing. Honestly, thinking about it, this one's probably less a change and more a grammar thing, but nevertheless, I hope it helps! Where you put 'the bite wound suddenly went extremely painful', I like the idea, it's just the way it's written that I think could be changed. At risk of sounding like a thesaurus, perhaps you could consider something along the lines of 'the bite wound suddenly flared up in agony'. It's a relatively small change I suppose, but I hope it's of some help. On that note, I think you could change up 'His brown-fur-covered, clawed-instead-of-nailed hand.' I like it, it's just that it doesn't flow too well, maybe a line something like 'It wasn't even human anymore. It was coated in a pelt of thick, brown fur, the fingers now tipped with huge, razor sharp claws instead of nails.' I just want to quickly say though, I hope I'm not coming across as trying to write it for you, that's absolutely not what I want to do, and if it ever does seem like I'm doing that, then just say so.
Moving on, my next suggestion is one that actually fits into the picture perfectly - include details in the picture in the story. Now, that might sound odd, but what I mean by that is details like the bandage tearing and his fingers changing. Senses could be a huge boost here, as English class taught me, senses are immensely helpful with immersion! It must feel strange to start sprouting fur all over your body, so think of what that would feel like for Barry, especially with it up against his clothes. What must it be like for his face to elongate into a muzzle, his ears to shift, what is it like for him to grow a tail as we soon see? For that matter, given that the bandage is torn, he must be bigger now, right? What's it like to be bigger so suddenly? (Before he starts getting Bigger, of course! Wink, wink!) Also, there's no injury beneath the bandage, as if it's healed in seconds! You could get a fair bit out of that!
Okay, enough about me blethering on about that, I hope it helped give you some inspiration, but I don't want to be overbearing or anything! There's not too much else I can say about this page that wouldn't be me expressing how much I like it! I know it may seem odd since I've just written two full paragraphs about what you might change, but believe me, I think this is a great page, and with just a little tweaking, oh, I think it could be absolutely fantastic! I hope I was able to provide some inspiration and I hope you enjoyed reading this review as much as I enjoyed writing it! I can't wait for the next page, oh boy, it's going to be wonderful!
Until then however, I hope you enjoyed my review! Until then, take care and have an awesome night!
Now this chapter, oh this chapter is where the fun really begins! We open with Barry having gotten back in cab, making his way down the road to Salt Lake City. However, his trip is abruptly cut short by a sudden, searing agony in his arm - the bite wound is suddenly causing him tremendous pain. As he puzzles over the sudden pain, trying desperately to relieve it, he screws his eyes shut. Upon opening them, he's met with a shocking sight. His hand - it's covered in fur! He's got claws! His hand isn't human! His absolute shock is more than understandable, it's the only reasonable reaction to seeing something like that! However, he barely has time to even process this before his entire body is struck by a wave of pain, again forcing him to shut his eyes. However, even though he can't see, he can still feel perfectly, but what he's feeling is... wrong. His body - it's changing, in ways it simply shouldn't! When he opens his eyes again and sees himself... he's different, he's changed! His entire body is now covered in this fur, a thick coat of brown fur, his other hand has changed to match his new hand, and his face - it's not human! It looks like the face of a wolf! A werewolf.
Alright, now, I absolutely love this chapter! As I now realise I forgot to mention last time, I love Barry's outfit, and you made a brilliant choice commissioning caseyljones for the first three pages, he did a phenomenal job on them! From the big, obvious things like Barry's transformation itself to the smaller, more subtle details like the tearing of the bandage or the fact that his fingers appear to be slightly thicker after his transformation. Speaking of which, you wrote the transformation out very well, but, like the first page, I do have some suggestions that could help improve it further!
First up, the bite wound suddenly flaring up? Excellent, I really like that detail. Don't worry, that's not what I was suggesting changing. Honestly, thinking about it, this one's probably less a change and more a grammar thing, but nevertheless, I hope it helps! Where you put 'the bite wound suddenly went extremely painful', I like the idea, it's just the way it's written that I think could be changed. At risk of sounding like a thesaurus, perhaps you could consider something along the lines of 'the bite wound suddenly flared up in agony'. It's a relatively small change I suppose, but I hope it's of some help. On that note, I think you could change up 'His brown-fur-covered, clawed-instead-of-nailed hand.' I like it, it's just that it doesn't flow too well, maybe a line something like 'It wasn't even human anymore. It was coated in a pelt of thick, brown fur, the fingers now tipped with huge, razor sharp claws instead of nails.' I just want to quickly say though, I hope I'm not coming across as trying to write it for you, that's absolutely not what I want to do, and if it ever does seem like I'm doing that, then just say so.
Moving on, my next suggestion is one that actually fits into the picture perfectly - include details in the picture in the story. Now, that might sound odd, but what I mean by that is details like the bandage tearing and his fingers changing. Senses could be a huge boost here, as English class taught me, senses are immensely helpful with immersion! It must feel strange to start sprouting fur all over your body, so think of what that would feel like for Barry, especially with it up against his clothes. What must it be like for his face to elongate into a muzzle, his ears to shift, what is it like for him to grow a tail as we soon see? For that matter, given that the bandage is torn, he must be bigger now, right? What's it like to be bigger so suddenly? (Before he starts getting Bigger, of course! Wink, wink!) Also, there's no injury beneath the bandage, as if it's healed in seconds! You could get a fair bit out of that!
Okay, enough about me blethering on about that, I hope it helped give you some inspiration, but I don't want to be overbearing or anything! There's not too much else I can say about this page that wouldn't be me expressing how much I like it! I know it may seem odd since I've just written two full paragraphs about what you might change, but believe me, I think this is a great page, and with just a little tweaking, oh, I think it could be absolutely fantastic! I hope I was able to provide some inspiration and I hope you enjoyed reading this review as much as I enjoyed writing it! I can't wait for the next page, oh boy, it's going to be wonderful!
Until then however, I hope you enjoyed my review! Until then, take care and have an awesome night!
Oh yes, they're awesome! Fantastic job man!
(Although, a tiny grammar thing, at the beginning, remove the 'went' before 'flared up in agony'.)
Sorry it comes across like that! I don't mean to, I know it's your writing, your story, your ideas, it's just that it feels like it kind of coincides with suggesting improvements. If I can though, I'll try and avoid writing it like that! I am very glad you like the ideas though, I guess all of these suggestions are coming up because, well, I love werewolf stories, and this is one I really, really love! I just want it to be the best that it can be. Ah, that sounds kind of like I'm trying to make myself the star, doesn't it? I'm sorry, what I'm trying to say is, you've done and are doing a truly fantastic job, and you should be very proud of what you have accomplished!
(Although, a tiny grammar thing, at the beginning, remove the 'went' before 'flared up in agony'.)
Sorry it comes across like that! I don't mean to, I know it's your writing, your story, your ideas, it's just that it feels like it kind of coincides with suggesting improvements. If I can though, I'll try and avoid writing it like that! I am very glad you like the ideas though, I guess all of these suggestions are coming up because, well, I love werewolf stories, and this is one I really, really love! I just want it to be the best that it can be. Ah, that sounds kind of like I'm trying to make myself the star, doesn't it? I'm sorry, what I'm trying to say is, you've done and are doing a truly fantastic job, and you should be very proud of what you have accomplished!
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