"I could have had any of your brothers or sisters
but I picked you.”
I used to tell her frequently
She'd look at me
with those brown, moist eyes
as if she could understand.
Sometimes I could imagine her saying,
"Not the brothers and sisters story
again" in exasperation.
Then she'd lay her head back down
upon her paws and go to sleep.

"Who loves to go for rides in the car?
Oh, look! There's a dog!"
I would tell her and point out the window
She'd look out
with excitement in her eyes
propped up on those short legs that reminded me
of the characters in the Peanuts comics.
"Hey dog! You there! You dog!
I'm going for a ride, dog!" she'd announce
until the other dog was long out of sight
then she'd wait to tell the next dog
and the one after that.

"Don't you ever go away and leave me
like your sisters did.”
I used to tell her after putting first Kalli K.
then Callie C. to sleep.
She'd look at me
as if she could understand
and feel my pain at their loss.
"Let's go for a walk, you can't be sad
when you're on a walk." she'd bark
and then lead me to the front door.
Her stumpy Corgi tail would wag
and the sadness I felt would evaporate.

"You weren't supposed to get old."
I had begun to say that more and more often.
She looked up from her spot on the car seat
next to me.
She could no longer stand
and look out the window
and bark at the other dogs.
There were no more walks.
She would sit by the door and cry
when I took her new sister
and left her home
because her muscles failed her.
I carried her inside and combed my fingers
through the fur on her neck to comfort her
and to comfort myself
one last time.

"It's okay, you can leave me now."
I told her with a shaky voice.
She looked at me with bright eyes.
He body was failing her and I felt as if
I was failing her, too.
"Dad will always take care of his baby.
That's what dads do. That's my job"
How many times did I tell her that
over the past thirteen years?
But now, at the end
there was nothing I could do
except watch the brightness
fade from her eyes
and the pain fade from her body
and my heart broke
one more time.

I took Jessie for her last ride in the car the Thursday before Easter. She was a loyal and intelligent dog. I miss her dearly.