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Cedric walked away from the wagon, needing some time for himself. His pointed ears were alert to any would-be additional interloper or eavesdropper. His amber eyes, accustomed to the shade and twilight of the forest, were also privy. However, his mind was clouded. Confused. Petrified.
He was going to kill that elf. Had Valiya not stepped in and stopped him, he would have choked the life out of him. Of course, he has killed in the past, out of necessity. Either out of self-defense or to protect someone, but never like this. Not out of anger. Not because he wanted to personally end their lives. It didn't matter what the elf said about his mother. If he had gone through with it, he would have been as bad as...
The half-elf shook his head, trembling. No, he thought. Don't think like that. Don't ever think like that. I am nothing like that monster! He used the power and influence that his valorous predecessors have rightfully earned by serving as protectors of the people, and used it to do the opposite! Amassing power and wealth for himself at the expense of all others. His lust for power had driven him to even surrender his humanity. No matter what anyone says, he was nothing like Atticus.
Except...am I?
He needed an answer from Her. Directly.
When he was far enough into the forest, mindful of any possible portals into the Feywild, he got on his knees and took out a green sateen ribbon. The one She gave him that day. Not the day he became Her Vassal...but the day he became so much more. He wrapped it around his pendant, shut his eyes, and begun to pray to his Patron.
“Arawai, Sovereign of Life and Love. I ask of You...not as Your cleric, not as Your Vassal...but as Your beloved, as someone who needs You now more than ever...I need to speak with You. To You. No more vague presences. No more obscure signs or arbitrary miracles. Face to face. I know that direct intervention has never exactly been Your style...but please. You are the only one I can talk to. The only one who knows me better than anyone else...even myself.”
It is unknown how much time had past. Seconds felt like minutes, which felt like hours. He just knelt there, hoping that his prayer would be answered. Doubt started to creep into his mind. She didn't answer him when he needed guidance on Annabelle. He took that as a sign that he needed to make his own choices on the matter...choices that lead to him breaking down her door and attempting to punch her in the face. Now, he doesn't trust anyone's judgment. Not Steelpick's. Not even his own. His Sovereign is the only one he can trust, and without Her, he's...
Suddenly, Cedric felt a gentle warmth soothe his entire being. The aches and wounds from the previous battle, as well as the horror and anxiety in the face of its conclusion, started to melt away as a soft breeze lifts his hair with its gentle force. He opens his eyes and is greeted with a familiar sight.
The tall grass and stalks of wheat sway in the breeze, and the warm, gentle glow of perpetual twilight bathes the scene. And above all, before Cedric stood a familiar figure. A figure he has seen several times now, in his dreams, in marble form in the keep's shrine, and in bronze form upon the very weapon that he vowed to use in Her name: a half-elf woman in a linen dress, hair of flowing copper swaying in the wind, the shine reminiscent of a cascading waterfall. Her eyes, bright emerald rings full of mirth and vitality, look down upon him. Her Vassal. Her knight. The one who, at present, needed Her guidance the most.
“Welcome, Cedric. It appears we have much to talk about, don't you think?”
Cedric stood up slowly, mildly baffled that his prayer had been answered after practically nothing. A warm, silent feeling of approval here, a gentle tug of guidance there, but to actually be standing before Her...it's been so long, he doesn't even know what to say. There was simply too much he wanted to ask and tell Her. Even though She has had Her eye on him, as a deity would, it's...different when they talked and interacted, like lovers should.
He took a breath, calming his nerves, the serenity of the Blessed Fields facilitating somewhat, as he addressed the most pressing matter on his mind. Best to start somewhere, after all.
“My Lady...am...am I a bad person?”
The Deity merely blinks Her eyes, not seeming the least phased by his question. Why would She be? “What do you mean?”
The half-elf looks down, choosing his words more carefully. “Well,” he started, “I have done and said some things that I'm not particularly proud of. Everyone has, mortal or Deity. I realize that. What I want to know is...do those words and actions define me? I try to make up for them with good deeds, but sometimes I wonder...will they ever be enough?”
Arawai merely watches him, Her expression and Her thoughts inscrutable. “Do you feel that they are enough?”
The cleric was taken aback by the question, more confused than anything. “I...don't think I understand the question.”
“Perhaps you can tell me about these inglorious deeds to which you are referring?”
Cedric bit the inside of his cheek in quiet frustration. There She goes again. Being intentionally vague. She knew what was troubling him, She knew why he called upon Her, and She knew what he was trying to say. So why was She playing this game of playing the fool? Why was She pretending to not know what he was talking about?
What was She trying to tell him?
“Well...how about that elf I tried to kill?”
“Self-defense, Cedric. He tried taking you and your friends into the Feywild as prisoners.”
“He called my mother a whore! I was angry! I legitimately wanted him dead for that! That wouldn't have been self-defense. That would have been cold-blooded murder. I would have done it because I would have enjoyed depriving him of his life...that stands in stark opposition to everything You stand for...everything I thought I stood for...”
Arawai crossed Her arms, Her expression unchanging. “Yet you didn't. Your Dragonborn friend stopped you before you went too far.”
Cedric looked down and away, shame all over his face. “...she did,” he admitted. “And she still despises me. Why wouldn't she? Months before, I threatened her for getting involved in the fight between Annabelle and myself.”
“You apologized.”
“And she didn't care.”
“She was distraught over Trey'as' now-obvious affection toward Annabelle. If she were in the right state of mind, she would have forgiven you.”
Cedric looked over to the deity. “And how do you know that I would have earned her forgiveness? I threatened her, Adoltin, and Tobias over something so...frivolous.”
Arawai raises an eyebrow and allowed a slight smirk to escape Her lips. “Ah. Now we're getting to the interesting questions. So you now feel that your attack on Annabelle was unjustified?”
Wait, what?! “I...” Cedric faltered, looking down as he tried to collect himself. “I...”
Her too? Was...was I wrong? Did she really not...?
The Goddess looked at him with pity. “Cedric...why did you attack Annabelle?”
What a silly question. The cleric looked to the side obstinately. “You know why.”
“True. But I want to know if you know why.”
Again with the riddle game! Why can't She just be straightforward and say what She means?!
The hybrid glared at Her, offended that She would ask such a thing. “She raped her husband. Every aspect of their relationship was toxic, a means of domination and control for her, down to the birth of their son. Sure, he was a bastard, but even he did not deserve to be subjected to what she did to him.”
The warmth of the Goddess-in-half-elf-form quickly left her expression, returning to its prior stoicism. “And you are absolutely certain of this?”
The Vassal narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to tell me that she didn't?”
“I am merely trying to elucidate the ulterior motives behind your hostility toward her. Whether she did or she didn't, you harbored great animosity toward her even before this realization came to light. I want you to tell Me why that is.”
Cedric looks down again, trying to think. What is She trying to get at? What is Her angle? She was obviously trying to tell him something.
But what?
He started carefully. “When I first found the others in Windenmere, they were fending off guards coming after her, after she reportedly tried intimidating the peasants into starting a cult. She burned down the tavern. She lied to Tobias about what the dragonkin in the cave said, having him kill him unjustly without his knowledge or consent, forcing him to break his Oath.”
Arawai nodded solemnly. “She has made her fair share of unscrupulous decisions.”
“Exactly! And despite my concern, I overlooked them, because I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. That despite her actions, she was a good person. Then the pirate attack in Westray...”
“Ah, yes. You almost died there.”
“Not just me, but everyone on board the ship, including our friends and the hostage! And she didn't care! It was then that I realized that she wasn't merely psychotic. Her lust for and constant display of power, her total disregard for the lives and safety of others...she was just like him!”
The Goddess looks down. “Atticus Holmheiver.”
As his name was mentioned, Cedric's blood started to boil, the calming aura of Elysium doing naught to quell his anger. “And if that wasn't bad enough, we had to get on a ship to the last place on Semir I ever wanted to return to, on our way to the second-to-last place I wanted to go, the fucking capital of the merfolk – Your Brother's FOLLOWERS– all for the sake of allowing a mass murderer and arsonist to escape justice...all of this, FOR HER!!!”
The Sovereign's body tenses up. Whether it was because of Cedric's yelling or the mention of The Devourer was impossible to tell. The half-elf pants hard, letting out all that bottled-up rage regarding their visit to Neptis. He had told no one about how much he resented the others for undertaking this quest. How uncomfortable he was in the underwater capital, surrounded by potential acolytes of the most vile of the Dark Six. Of how ludicrous of an idea it was for his compatriots to let out a man who had slain over fifty innocent lives, merfolk or not, and outright lie about bringing him to justice themselves. And, above all, how they did it for the sake of a woman who would have done the exact same with no remorse, assuming she hadn't already.
Everything about that situation was wrong, in every sense of the word. How could they justify this to themselves, he thought. How could they live with that?
“You didn't have to accompany them,” Arawai rebutted, as soon as She was certain Cedric had calmed down. “They even gave you the option to stay behind in Duskwell. Yet you came along anyway. Why?”
The cleric takes a breath, clenching his fists. “At first, it was because their son was imprisoned with him. Your tenants dictate to never ignore a child in need. Rolo did not deserve to be punished for his father's crimes.”
The Goddess raises an eyebrow once more. “'At first'?”
Cedric sighs, looking up. “As gathering my thoughts in the library, after I attacked Annabelle...I think I realized that another reason why I went along was because deep down, despite everything...I still wanted to believe that there was good in her. That if I just reunited her with her family, she'd show a side of herself that I never saw before. One capable of love and empathy...” He shuts his eyes and shakes his head. “How much of a fool I was to believe that.”
Arawai tilts Her head. “A fool?”
“A damned fool. I thought that I’d see her be a loving wife and mother, but instead I saw her husband fear her, as if she were a specter. He tried to poke her eye out with a spoon, for Your sake!”
The Goddess giggled and mimed a thrusting action with Her hand. “Heheh…spoon.”
Cedric gave an annoyed look at his Sovereign. “My Lady! This is serious! I knew that something wasn’t right. I tried contacting You and You didn’t answer…so I decided to ask Silevic directly about the nature of their relationship…and that look in his eye…he clearly didn’t want it, and yet he said he couldn’t tell her to stop…what if he didn’t stop her because he couldn’t? It’s clear that she charmed him, and now she is charming Trey’as in the same way! She is bending his will, molding it to suit her whim! That’s why he suddenly became infatuated with her out of the blue! That’s why he mutilated that druid so viciously! That’s why he could even THINK that this excursion into the Feywild would end in ANYTHING other than disaster!”
“And you think that Lia was charmed into coming to the same conclusion?”
The cleric stopped in the middle of his rant, looking at his Goddess, astonished. Talk about left field. “…My mother has nothing to do with this, Arawai.”
She shook Her head. “Clearly she does, if you summoned Me because of that elf disgracing her.”
The half-elf was starting to get frustrated with Her. “And yet it was You who got me off on a tangent regarding Annabelle! I was just merely making up time by bringing up the mess that You caused me to make! The mess that could have been avoided had You answered me the first time!”
Before Cedric could even have a chance to regret what he just said, the sky clouded, muting the light as the half-elf woman before him was consumed in lightning. The Vassal yelped and was knocked onto the ground. He looks up to see, in place of his Lover, a gargantuan bronze dragon stood above him. She leaned Her head in close, Her breath sparking menacingly, Her glowing green eyes devoid of anything short of wrath and fury.
“Mind that conceited tongue of yours, Cedric Holmheiver,” the god-dragon growled in Draconic. “All you do is blame others for your own shortcomings! You have done so with Atticus, with the Devourer, and with Annabelle, but you shall not do so with Me! Your father had the audacity and the arrogance to project the wrongs stemming from him onto others, even the gods themselves, and if you truly wish to prove that you are better than him, then you would do best to NOT stoop to the same lows that he has, ESPECIALLY not toward your Sovereign!”
Cedric was trembling in fear. As beautiful as the Sovereign of Life and Love was, Her power was terrible as well, like the calm of the sea giving way to a precarious cyclone. He opened his mouth, trying to plead and grovel to his Sovereign, but there was still an ember of defiance within him, one that even the storm of his Goddess’ wrath could do nothing to extinguish.
Damn. It appears some part of Atticus did find some way into him.
“If I really have stooped to his level, then why did You choose me to begin with?! You’ve communicated with Trey’as, and he isn’t even Your Vassal! Surely he would be a better candidate! Why did You choose me as Your Vassal?! As Your lover?! Out of everyone You could have chosen, why did You choose the embodiment of all that defies You?!”
The dragon stood there, motionless, for what felt like eons. The clouds parted, and light began to fill the realm once more. Cedric blinked through blurred eyes, and the dragon that stood before him gave way to the half-elf female once again. He couldn’t see her face; his vision was too blurry. Even after she reverted back, he couldn’t stop shaking. He felt a warm liquid run down his face. This was not fear. This was…
“Cedric…”
Before, the Goddess’ voice was filled with many things up till this point; playfulness, wrath, or even inquisitive detachment. But now, there was something in her voice, something that did nothing to obstruct the tears already flooding the cleric’s face. Her voice was laden with incredible sorrow.
He had hurt Her, the One he cared about most. Just like he hurt…
“Do You think I asked to be born of such an event?! That I wanted to be a burden to her?!” Cedric stood up, trembling as he couldn’t stop himself from sobbing. “I have had to live with what I was! I tried to make up for it, but NOTHING could EVER change the fact that my life was spawned by the ultimate act of evil and defiance!”
“Cedric, I-”
“NO! I just…” He tried to calm down, just hold back these flowing emotions, but they just kept coming, and like a sapling before a great flood, he was powerless to stop them. “You have given us the most beautiful gift, Arawai. The ability for two souls to temporarily join with one another in heavenly bliss, creating new life as a result…the holiest gift You have given to us. And Your Brother, my father, far too many men and women have taken that gift and defiled it! Tainted it into a polluted mockery of itself! Instead of ecstasy, people have used it to inflict agony! Rather than two souls gaining equal footing, one has used it as a tool to humiliate and control the other! And the one who was wronged…they have had to look into their child’s face and be constantly reminded of that experience…”
Arawai walks over to the half-elf, Her hand on his soaked cheek. “Cedric…what happened to your mother was not your fault. What happened to Me was not your fault either. Nor your brother’s. Nor the Fury’s.”
Cedric turned his head away, feeling unworthy of even looking into his Beloved’s face. “But I’m proof that it happened! Ever since I found out…I couldn’t ever have her look at me again. I don’t want to remind her of what she endured. I never want to cause her that kind of pain again. That’s all I am. A constant reminder of what that bastard did to her, a living testament to the Devourer’s cruelest act of malice towards You…”
The tears couldn’t stop. For twelve years, he has held all of this in. No. Even before that, he felt. He could vaguely recall minor things from his childhood, the wisdom of adulthood and context elucidating in hindsight the difficulties his mother faced, being a priestess AND a single mother of twins. Others who did not know any better had called her things. Weak-willed. Irresponsible.
Tarnished.
That was the whole of his existence. Without the most vile act of evil, save murder, he and his brother would not exist. They benefitted from the survival of evil, because they would have ceased to be in its absence. He was a burden to his mother, an insult to his Goddess. He was a weapon, created by Atticus to inflict physical, emotional, and psychological pain upon Lia for as long as possible, even after he was buried and festering in the earth. His father had forced this upon him and Altaros. The Devourer had forced this upon the Fury. If Annabelle had forced this upon Rolo…
He was broken from his thoughts as his Sovereign smacked him across the face. She then held his face in both of Her hands, making him look at her. “Cedric…do you think your brother is evil?”
The Vassal was confused by her question. “N-no, of course no-”
“Do you think Rolo is evil?”
“No! Why would you even ask such a thing?!”
“Then why would you even think such a thing about yourself?! So the circumstances of your conception were less than ideal. So what?! I could never resent you for something that wasn’t your fault, and neither would Lia. I and the others of the Host cast out the Fury not because of Her Father’s actions that lead to Her existence, but because of the choices She has made. It is not the circumstances of one’s birth that makes them who they are. It is their choices, Cedric…”
“But…!” He was interrupted yet again when Arawai embraced him, holding him close.
“You have a vast amount of love in your heart, Cedric. A love for every living thing, and a desire to protect them, to spare them from the pain you have put yourself through for so long. Few could ever claim the same. You chose to wield your love as a shield to protect all from suffering, and as a sword to obstruct those who wish to inflict it. Your heart is a candle among a sea of darkness, shining brighter than any star could ever dream. And that is why I chose you, Cedric. Both as My Vassal…and as My beloved.”
At that, the words of Steelpick’s letter echoes in the half-elf’s mind, vibrating every essence of his being like the plucked strings of a harp:
We live in a world of darkness, a great sea that threatens to swallow it whole. Within the sea, you can find tiny candles, each one flickering in the wind, under the constant threat of being snuffed out. Those points of light are the good people in this world. They are few and far in between. However, much like a torch, each candle can light one another.
A broken candle cannot be lit, but it can be remade into something that shines brighter than you could ever imagine. We all have darkness within us, but with faith and friends, we can rise above it and set the sea ablaze with light.
Cedric trembles as he puts her arms around his Beloved, holding Her close as the tears came once more. He was born of darkness, yes…but She was right. He tries really hard, every day, to not let it define him. To spite that darkness by showing others kindness. By protecting them. By sharing Arawai’s ultimate gift with them in the way it was meant to be shared. With these acts of love, he would fill the dark sea with light. He may have been created as a tool to inflict torment, but he’ll be damned if he were to allow himself to be used as such any longer, whether upon his mother, upon his Sovereign, or anyone else.
Including himself.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
A story that I wrote for
Prisma_Lin 's dnd campaign. Things have turned out a bit differently in the campaign, as far as the horde of elves go, but I'm too lazy to change any of this XD Still, I hope for a talk like this between Cedric and Arawai to happen some time during the campaign *fingers crossed* X3
Cedric © myself
Arawai/dnd © Wizards of the Coast
He was going to kill that elf. Had Valiya not stepped in and stopped him, he would have choked the life out of him. Of course, he has killed in the past, out of necessity. Either out of self-defense or to protect someone, but never like this. Not out of anger. Not because he wanted to personally end their lives. It didn't matter what the elf said about his mother. If he had gone through with it, he would have been as bad as...
The half-elf shook his head, trembling. No, he thought. Don't think like that. Don't ever think like that. I am nothing like that monster! He used the power and influence that his valorous predecessors have rightfully earned by serving as protectors of the people, and used it to do the opposite! Amassing power and wealth for himself at the expense of all others. His lust for power had driven him to even surrender his humanity. No matter what anyone says, he was nothing like Atticus.
Except...am I?
He needed an answer from Her. Directly.
When he was far enough into the forest, mindful of any possible portals into the Feywild, he got on his knees and took out a green sateen ribbon. The one She gave him that day. Not the day he became Her Vassal...but the day he became so much more. He wrapped it around his pendant, shut his eyes, and begun to pray to his Patron.
“Arawai, Sovereign of Life and Love. I ask of You...not as Your cleric, not as Your Vassal...but as Your beloved, as someone who needs You now more than ever...I need to speak with You. To You. No more vague presences. No more obscure signs or arbitrary miracles. Face to face. I know that direct intervention has never exactly been Your style...but please. You are the only one I can talk to. The only one who knows me better than anyone else...even myself.”
It is unknown how much time had past. Seconds felt like minutes, which felt like hours. He just knelt there, hoping that his prayer would be answered. Doubt started to creep into his mind. She didn't answer him when he needed guidance on Annabelle. He took that as a sign that he needed to make his own choices on the matter...choices that lead to him breaking down her door and attempting to punch her in the face. Now, he doesn't trust anyone's judgment. Not Steelpick's. Not even his own. His Sovereign is the only one he can trust, and without Her, he's...
Suddenly, Cedric felt a gentle warmth soothe his entire being. The aches and wounds from the previous battle, as well as the horror and anxiety in the face of its conclusion, started to melt away as a soft breeze lifts his hair with its gentle force. He opens his eyes and is greeted with a familiar sight.
The tall grass and stalks of wheat sway in the breeze, and the warm, gentle glow of perpetual twilight bathes the scene. And above all, before Cedric stood a familiar figure. A figure he has seen several times now, in his dreams, in marble form in the keep's shrine, and in bronze form upon the very weapon that he vowed to use in Her name: a half-elf woman in a linen dress, hair of flowing copper swaying in the wind, the shine reminiscent of a cascading waterfall. Her eyes, bright emerald rings full of mirth and vitality, look down upon him. Her Vassal. Her knight. The one who, at present, needed Her guidance the most.
“Welcome, Cedric. It appears we have much to talk about, don't you think?”
Cedric stood up slowly, mildly baffled that his prayer had been answered after practically nothing. A warm, silent feeling of approval here, a gentle tug of guidance there, but to actually be standing before Her...it's been so long, he doesn't even know what to say. There was simply too much he wanted to ask and tell Her. Even though She has had Her eye on him, as a deity would, it's...different when they talked and interacted, like lovers should.
He took a breath, calming his nerves, the serenity of the Blessed Fields facilitating somewhat, as he addressed the most pressing matter on his mind. Best to start somewhere, after all.
“My Lady...am...am I a bad person?”
The Deity merely blinks Her eyes, not seeming the least phased by his question. Why would She be? “What do you mean?”
The half-elf looks down, choosing his words more carefully. “Well,” he started, “I have done and said some things that I'm not particularly proud of. Everyone has, mortal or Deity. I realize that. What I want to know is...do those words and actions define me? I try to make up for them with good deeds, but sometimes I wonder...will they ever be enough?”
Arawai merely watches him, Her expression and Her thoughts inscrutable. “Do you feel that they are enough?”
The cleric was taken aback by the question, more confused than anything. “I...don't think I understand the question.”
“Perhaps you can tell me about these inglorious deeds to which you are referring?”
Cedric bit the inside of his cheek in quiet frustration. There She goes again. Being intentionally vague. She knew what was troubling him, She knew why he called upon Her, and She knew what he was trying to say. So why was She playing this game of playing the fool? Why was She pretending to not know what he was talking about?
What was She trying to tell him?
“Well...how about that elf I tried to kill?”
“Self-defense, Cedric. He tried taking you and your friends into the Feywild as prisoners.”
“He called my mother a whore! I was angry! I legitimately wanted him dead for that! That wouldn't have been self-defense. That would have been cold-blooded murder. I would have done it because I would have enjoyed depriving him of his life...that stands in stark opposition to everything You stand for...everything I thought I stood for...”
Arawai crossed Her arms, Her expression unchanging. “Yet you didn't. Your Dragonborn friend stopped you before you went too far.”
Cedric looked down and away, shame all over his face. “...she did,” he admitted. “And she still despises me. Why wouldn't she? Months before, I threatened her for getting involved in the fight between Annabelle and myself.”
“You apologized.”
“And she didn't care.”
“She was distraught over Trey'as' now-obvious affection toward Annabelle. If she were in the right state of mind, she would have forgiven you.”
Cedric looked over to the deity. “And how do you know that I would have earned her forgiveness? I threatened her, Adoltin, and Tobias over something so...frivolous.”
Arawai raises an eyebrow and allowed a slight smirk to escape Her lips. “Ah. Now we're getting to the interesting questions. So you now feel that your attack on Annabelle was unjustified?”
Wait, what?! “I...” Cedric faltered, looking down as he tried to collect himself. “I...”
Her too? Was...was I wrong? Did she really not...?
The Goddess looked at him with pity. “Cedric...why did you attack Annabelle?”
What a silly question. The cleric looked to the side obstinately. “You know why.”
“True. But I want to know if you know why.”
Again with the riddle game! Why can't She just be straightforward and say what She means?!
The hybrid glared at Her, offended that She would ask such a thing. “She raped her husband. Every aspect of their relationship was toxic, a means of domination and control for her, down to the birth of their son. Sure, he was a bastard, but even he did not deserve to be subjected to what she did to him.”
The warmth of the Goddess-in-half-elf-form quickly left her expression, returning to its prior stoicism. “And you are absolutely certain of this?”
The Vassal narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to tell me that she didn't?”
“I am merely trying to elucidate the ulterior motives behind your hostility toward her. Whether she did or she didn't, you harbored great animosity toward her even before this realization came to light. I want you to tell Me why that is.”
Cedric looks down again, trying to think. What is She trying to get at? What is Her angle? She was obviously trying to tell him something.
But what?
He started carefully. “When I first found the others in Windenmere, they were fending off guards coming after her, after she reportedly tried intimidating the peasants into starting a cult. She burned down the tavern. She lied to Tobias about what the dragonkin in the cave said, having him kill him unjustly without his knowledge or consent, forcing him to break his Oath.”
Arawai nodded solemnly. “She has made her fair share of unscrupulous decisions.”
“Exactly! And despite my concern, I overlooked them, because I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. That despite her actions, she was a good person. Then the pirate attack in Westray...”
“Ah, yes. You almost died there.”
“Not just me, but everyone on board the ship, including our friends and the hostage! And she didn't care! It was then that I realized that she wasn't merely psychotic. Her lust for and constant display of power, her total disregard for the lives and safety of others...she was just like him!”
The Goddess looks down. “Atticus Holmheiver.”
As his name was mentioned, Cedric's blood started to boil, the calming aura of Elysium doing naught to quell his anger. “And if that wasn't bad enough, we had to get on a ship to the last place on Semir I ever wanted to return to, on our way to the second-to-last place I wanted to go, the fucking capital of the merfolk – Your Brother's FOLLOWERS– all for the sake of allowing a mass murderer and arsonist to escape justice...all of this, FOR HER!!!”
The Sovereign's body tenses up. Whether it was because of Cedric's yelling or the mention of The Devourer was impossible to tell. The half-elf pants hard, letting out all that bottled-up rage regarding their visit to Neptis. He had told no one about how much he resented the others for undertaking this quest. How uncomfortable he was in the underwater capital, surrounded by potential acolytes of the most vile of the Dark Six. Of how ludicrous of an idea it was for his compatriots to let out a man who had slain over fifty innocent lives, merfolk or not, and outright lie about bringing him to justice themselves. And, above all, how they did it for the sake of a woman who would have done the exact same with no remorse, assuming she hadn't already.
Everything about that situation was wrong, in every sense of the word. How could they justify this to themselves, he thought. How could they live with that?
“You didn't have to accompany them,” Arawai rebutted, as soon as She was certain Cedric had calmed down. “They even gave you the option to stay behind in Duskwell. Yet you came along anyway. Why?”
The cleric takes a breath, clenching his fists. “At first, it was because their son was imprisoned with him. Your tenants dictate to never ignore a child in need. Rolo did not deserve to be punished for his father's crimes.”
The Goddess raises an eyebrow once more. “'At first'?”
Cedric sighs, looking up. “As gathering my thoughts in the library, after I attacked Annabelle...I think I realized that another reason why I went along was because deep down, despite everything...I still wanted to believe that there was good in her. That if I just reunited her with her family, she'd show a side of herself that I never saw before. One capable of love and empathy...” He shuts his eyes and shakes his head. “How much of a fool I was to believe that.”
Arawai tilts Her head. “A fool?”
“A damned fool. I thought that I’d see her be a loving wife and mother, but instead I saw her husband fear her, as if she were a specter. He tried to poke her eye out with a spoon, for Your sake!”
The Goddess giggled and mimed a thrusting action with Her hand. “Heheh…spoon.”
Cedric gave an annoyed look at his Sovereign. “My Lady! This is serious! I knew that something wasn’t right. I tried contacting You and You didn’t answer…so I decided to ask Silevic directly about the nature of their relationship…and that look in his eye…he clearly didn’t want it, and yet he said he couldn’t tell her to stop…what if he didn’t stop her because he couldn’t? It’s clear that she charmed him, and now she is charming Trey’as in the same way! She is bending his will, molding it to suit her whim! That’s why he suddenly became infatuated with her out of the blue! That’s why he mutilated that druid so viciously! That’s why he could even THINK that this excursion into the Feywild would end in ANYTHING other than disaster!”
“And you think that Lia was charmed into coming to the same conclusion?”
The cleric stopped in the middle of his rant, looking at his Goddess, astonished. Talk about left field. “…My mother has nothing to do with this, Arawai.”
She shook Her head. “Clearly she does, if you summoned Me because of that elf disgracing her.”
The half-elf was starting to get frustrated with Her. “And yet it was You who got me off on a tangent regarding Annabelle! I was just merely making up time by bringing up the mess that You caused me to make! The mess that could have been avoided had You answered me the first time!”
Before Cedric could even have a chance to regret what he just said, the sky clouded, muting the light as the half-elf woman before him was consumed in lightning. The Vassal yelped and was knocked onto the ground. He looks up to see, in place of his Lover, a gargantuan bronze dragon stood above him. She leaned Her head in close, Her breath sparking menacingly, Her glowing green eyes devoid of anything short of wrath and fury.
“Mind that conceited tongue of yours, Cedric Holmheiver,” the god-dragon growled in Draconic. “All you do is blame others for your own shortcomings! You have done so with Atticus, with the Devourer, and with Annabelle, but you shall not do so with Me! Your father had the audacity and the arrogance to project the wrongs stemming from him onto others, even the gods themselves, and if you truly wish to prove that you are better than him, then you would do best to NOT stoop to the same lows that he has, ESPECIALLY not toward your Sovereign!”
Cedric was trembling in fear. As beautiful as the Sovereign of Life and Love was, Her power was terrible as well, like the calm of the sea giving way to a precarious cyclone. He opened his mouth, trying to plead and grovel to his Sovereign, but there was still an ember of defiance within him, one that even the storm of his Goddess’ wrath could do nothing to extinguish.
Damn. It appears some part of Atticus did find some way into him.
“If I really have stooped to his level, then why did You choose me to begin with?! You’ve communicated with Trey’as, and he isn’t even Your Vassal! Surely he would be a better candidate! Why did You choose me as Your Vassal?! As Your lover?! Out of everyone You could have chosen, why did You choose the embodiment of all that defies You?!”
The dragon stood there, motionless, for what felt like eons. The clouds parted, and light began to fill the realm once more. Cedric blinked through blurred eyes, and the dragon that stood before him gave way to the half-elf female once again. He couldn’t see her face; his vision was too blurry. Even after she reverted back, he couldn’t stop shaking. He felt a warm liquid run down his face. This was not fear. This was…
“Cedric…”
Before, the Goddess’ voice was filled with many things up till this point; playfulness, wrath, or even inquisitive detachment. But now, there was something in her voice, something that did nothing to obstruct the tears already flooding the cleric’s face. Her voice was laden with incredible sorrow.
He had hurt Her, the One he cared about most. Just like he hurt…
“Do You think I asked to be born of such an event?! That I wanted to be a burden to her?!” Cedric stood up, trembling as he couldn’t stop himself from sobbing. “I have had to live with what I was! I tried to make up for it, but NOTHING could EVER change the fact that my life was spawned by the ultimate act of evil and defiance!”
“Cedric, I-”
“NO! I just…” He tried to calm down, just hold back these flowing emotions, but they just kept coming, and like a sapling before a great flood, he was powerless to stop them. “You have given us the most beautiful gift, Arawai. The ability for two souls to temporarily join with one another in heavenly bliss, creating new life as a result…the holiest gift You have given to us. And Your Brother, my father, far too many men and women have taken that gift and defiled it! Tainted it into a polluted mockery of itself! Instead of ecstasy, people have used it to inflict agony! Rather than two souls gaining equal footing, one has used it as a tool to humiliate and control the other! And the one who was wronged…they have had to look into their child’s face and be constantly reminded of that experience…”
Arawai walks over to the half-elf, Her hand on his soaked cheek. “Cedric…what happened to your mother was not your fault. What happened to Me was not your fault either. Nor your brother’s. Nor the Fury’s.”
Cedric turned his head away, feeling unworthy of even looking into his Beloved’s face. “But I’m proof that it happened! Ever since I found out…I couldn’t ever have her look at me again. I don’t want to remind her of what she endured. I never want to cause her that kind of pain again. That’s all I am. A constant reminder of what that bastard did to her, a living testament to the Devourer’s cruelest act of malice towards You…”
The tears couldn’t stop. For twelve years, he has held all of this in. No. Even before that, he felt. He could vaguely recall minor things from his childhood, the wisdom of adulthood and context elucidating in hindsight the difficulties his mother faced, being a priestess AND a single mother of twins. Others who did not know any better had called her things. Weak-willed. Irresponsible.
Tarnished.
That was the whole of his existence. Without the most vile act of evil, save murder, he and his brother would not exist. They benefitted from the survival of evil, because they would have ceased to be in its absence. He was a burden to his mother, an insult to his Goddess. He was a weapon, created by Atticus to inflict physical, emotional, and psychological pain upon Lia for as long as possible, even after he was buried and festering in the earth. His father had forced this upon him and Altaros. The Devourer had forced this upon the Fury. If Annabelle had forced this upon Rolo…
He was broken from his thoughts as his Sovereign smacked him across the face. She then held his face in both of Her hands, making him look at her. “Cedric…do you think your brother is evil?”
The Vassal was confused by her question. “N-no, of course no-”
“Do you think Rolo is evil?”
“No! Why would you even ask such a thing?!”
“Then why would you even think such a thing about yourself?! So the circumstances of your conception were less than ideal. So what?! I could never resent you for something that wasn’t your fault, and neither would Lia. I and the others of the Host cast out the Fury not because of Her Father’s actions that lead to Her existence, but because of the choices She has made. It is not the circumstances of one’s birth that makes them who they are. It is their choices, Cedric…”
“But…!” He was interrupted yet again when Arawai embraced him, holding him close.
“You have a vast amount of love in your heart, Cedric. A love for every living thing, and a desire to protect them, to spare them from the pain you have put yourself through for so long. Few could ever claim the same. You chose to wield your love as a shield to protect all from suffering, and as a sword to obstruct those who wish to inflict it. Your heart is a candle among a sea of darkness, shining brighter than any star could ever dream. And that is why I chose you, Cedric. Both as My Vassal…and as My beloved.”
At that, the words of Steelpick’s letter echoes in the half-elf’s mind, vibrating every essence of his being like the plucked strings of a harp:
We live in a world of darkness, a great sea that threatens to swallow it whole. Within the sea, you can find tiny candles, each one flickering in the wind, under the constant threat of being snuffed out. Those points of light are the good people in this world. They are few and far in between. However, much like a torch, each candle can light one another.
A broken candle cannot be lit, but it can be remade into something that shines brighter than you could ever imagine. We all have darkness within us, but with faith and friends, we can rise above it and set the sea ablaze with light.
Cedric trembles as he puts her arms around his Beloved, holding Her close as the tears came once more. He was born of darkness, yes…but She was right. He tries really hard, every day, to not let it define him. To spite that darkness by showing others kindness. By protecting them. By sharing Arawai’s ultimate gift with them in the way it was meant to be shared. With these acts of love, he would fill the dark sea with light. He may have been created as a tool to inflict torment, but he’ll be damned if he were to allow himself to be used as such any longer, whether upon his mother, upon his Sovereign, or anyone else.
Including himself.
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A story that I wrote for
Prisma_Lin 's dnd campaign. Things have turned out a bit differently in the campaign, as far as the horde of elves go, but I'm too lazy to change any of this XD Still, I hope for a talk like this between Cedric and Arawai to happen some time during the campaign *fingers crossed* X3Cedric © myself
Arawai/dnd © Wizards of the Coast
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Elf
Size 1280 x 922px
File Size 119.1 kB
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