I have been really unmotivated to do anything in general on here. Draw? no.. not really. Talk? not really. There has been a huge lack of activity on here compared to last year or the year before. It is like I died or something.

I want to draw, but my hand can only handle so much. I am able to draw, but I dont want to draw kaioku, or anything for anyone really (probably because no one has really been showing any interest in anything i have so its got me pretty down. if people would tell me what they would like to see more of i would gladly put more out. yeah i can draw personal art but most of that is stuff that i wont ever post online). I guess thats because i feel like ive sunken into the couch cushion so far that everyone kind of forgot about me and is now talking to everyone else. Stupid right?

I want to take commissions so i can get a car. Havent gotten too far on that other than reaching my goal to be told that i wasnt gunna be helped by the person who said they would chip in for me. only reason why i was motivated was cos some one was going to help me because i know nothing about cars. (even though i dated a person who was a car lover for 6 years x.x) i dunno.

My college semester this year was a bunch of shit and hell which didnt help me at all. In the end i dropped 3 out of 4 of my classes due to a few mental breakdowns and nightmares later. was sent to a counselor and they just outright told me to drop because at the rate i was going i would have failed everything. which i didnt want to do.

My one teacher was an ass. so much work i had to do in a really short amount of time AND present it to a person i didnt know (mind you who was actually a person looking to hire people) I was unable to do the work due to my hand. i can only work for about an hour every three days. so getting 3 print ads, 3 billboard, 3 digital ads, 3 tv 30 second spot ads, a logo, tagline, a website landing page, and a crap load of other things IN LESS THAN A WEEK was a huge no-go for me. (it took me a whole day just to do one set of ads and it really fucked up my hand that day) He was also so fucking picky that no matter what you showed him he didnt like it and would tell you to change it. well actually all he would say is "iiiiii-dont know" or "no" so i sat there like an idiot wondering what was wrong with my work. i wont learn anything if i am not told what i messed up. like im pretty darn sure if some one goes to hire me and i ask them what is wrong with it they will point it out to me or at least the general area even if they dont know what it is and i would be able to fix it yknow? there is a lot more to his stress that i dont feel like talking about at the moment cos its too long. other than the fact that his class gave me so many nightmares to the point my dreams started to try to trick me. (one was where i woke up to look at my phone and seen that he candled class, so i went back to bed to wake up again and learn that that was a lie and my dream tried to tell me to stay home and skip) Lets just say i really really enjoyed my speech class over my art classes. and i was dreading speech throughout each semester cos i didnt want to take it, here it turned into my favorite and most fun class i had. which is sad as fuck.

i am done typing i guess because my hand is being fussy now. had a lot more to say but yknow.



TL:DR
- I am unmotivated to post
- Any advice
- No luck on funds for car
- Fuck my classes

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Also this is a redraw from something i did 2 years ago