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Chapter Eleven: Kerfuffle

Spork never did apologize for what it had said to me. It had been making a point of acting cold towards me since then as well. So we didn’t see eye to eye on the whole finding the rest of the crew thing, big deal. We didn’t see eye to eye on many things. It liked to eat Earthian canned cat food; I preferred to eat Earthian canned Human food. It thought a cold shower was refreshing, I thought it was atrocious.
Spork had begun going out on recon scouting missions by itself lately. It not only didn’t ask permission, it didn’t even bother inviting me to come along. It seemed to have two a day on average. One super early in the morning before it left to go teach Earthian kits and a second after it returned from its job in the afternoon.
It had done the same today, but this time I had decided to come along whether it wanted my company or not. I had kind of expected to get a little more recognition, maybe a few words of praise, or at least acknowledgement, but it hadn’t so much as given a flick of its tail or twitch of an ear to indicate it knew I had come along. Spork was mad at me in other words, or disappointed. They’re hard to tell apart since it reacts the same for either.
The tension was thick, and I found myself keeping my ears lowered and tail tucked low, curling in towards myself some. This was a miserable adventure if there ever had been one. Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered to come along. I could have had way more fun staying back at the house with Hearts and Tentacles. Um, I mean I could have gotten more work done on Project Rule the World.
I had been having trouble getting that project working right primarily because Cedric kept finding my plan sheets lying around and would throw them away, claiming that I should stop wasting paper on doodles. So maybe I didn’t have the best illustrations to ever exist, but I was making do with what I had! Furthermore I don’t think Cedric could have done any better.
My ears shot up at the abrupt thump and jingle of varying little bells. A store door had swung open about five shops down and a figure had stumbled out. This was no ordinary Earthian figure to the best of my knowledge. It wore very apparent, foreign clothing, not so dissimilar to my own invader uniform. It was primarily black with a pair of equally black boots, and dual tone black gloves with a patch of white over the knuckles and fingers. Thin but bright blue patterns dimly glowed, laced throughout the gear.
From the shoulders, sides of the boots, center of the hood and by the two pointed ears, bright cerulean feathers poked through. If that wasn’t enough to make them look like a foreigner, they had a very thick tail, green with a black stripe down the center. Feathery fluff was at its base and then erupted into an enormous mound of fluff for an equal length. Its face was green, eyes a dull shade of gray with thick black circles around them that transitioned into stripes extending out of sight both above and below. Four rounded triangle shaped sensors dangled on thread like line from somewhere upon its head and finally two, long, orange striped tendrils extended from the back of its head, reaching to a bit below its waist. They were covered in a sort of thin, hairy matter on the underside.
The creature floundered to get its footing for quite a few steps and even stepped on its tail in the process. Spork may tell you that I am not exactly the best stealth operative, which for starters, I shouldn’t be. It’s not my role you see. But the second more important part, was that I bet even Spork would have agreed with me if I said kerfuffle, the creature we had just seen, was by far worse.
“I only wanted to buy a soda! With real money, yeah? Your own currency.” Some unidentifiable object flew just past its ears. It shrieked and retreated some. “Aw come on, help a guy out? Citizen to citizen?” Something else flew by. “You are the rudest individual I have ever met. Don’t you know hospitality is—” The next knocked some feathery tail fluff off. It mewed and made a dash in our direction. “Fine! I’ll leave and dehydrate—oh!” It paused before us, ears perking up. A smile slid upon its green face. “Lieutenant, Corporal! What a pleasure it is to see you again!” It dipped in a slight bow—which wasn’t military protocol by the way.
We salute, not bow. Bowing was fine with me though. Perhaps it respected me as Earth’s ruler.
It straightened abruptly and I noticed the feathers on its head and tail had become ruffled. Its expression was something akin to surprise with a hint of indignation. Big word, I know. It means you’re offended. Irritated. Whatever. Its voice raised a few notches in what I assume was disbelief.
“Did you see—that Human!” It spun around, fluffy tail sticking out straight behind it. Said fluffy tail fluffed into my face so I gave it a quick bat with my paw. The tip curled down then.
“Your manners are atrocious, suh!” It exclaimed.
The Human said something in return, I couldn’t quite make it out but I guess Kerfuffle could.
“Yeah. Yeah you with the fancy little name badge and hat. Why ya gotta be throwin’ things when a cat’s not lookin’? That’s foul play, suh! One does not simply fling merchandise of low value at another’s behind! I left your store!” It turned back to us. ”These Humans are hateful creatures. Did you see what he just did?” It reached down, picked up the can and shook its head. “A waste of merchandise I tell you. Carbonated deliciousness in this handy receptacle!”
Kerfuffle’s ears twitched. All of us adjusted our line of sight to the Human who was now storming towards us. He had erupted from the depths of the store, moving swiftly with purpose. He was a rather big guy actually, wide set and tall, his little funny hat looked tiny on his otherwise bulking form.
“Oh my.”
“Oh my is right.” Spork grumbled, followed by slapping the back of Kerfuffle’s head.
It whimpered and looked genuinely hurt that Spork would do such a thing.
Spork nudged me with its tail. “Hurry up.”
“What?” I mewed. “Where?”
“GO.” It growled.
Well, you didn’t have to tell me twice. I made a complete turnaround and headed back the way we had come. Kerfuffle followed close behind and I guess Spork brought up the rear. We didn’t have to run too far since the Human didn’t seem to want to leave his treasure behind. He shouted something about disrespectful hooligans then went back inside.
“Spork! How come you didn’t just kill—”
It glared and slapped its tail over my mouth. I glared in return and forcefully moved its tail away.
“Sorry about all that.” Kerfuffle seemed a lot more how I had remembered it being now. It also seemed to be talking normal again.
“You should be.” Spork growled. “Are you trying to get us caught?”
“Of course not! I was thirsty! I— ”
“Nevermind that.”
“Why did you sound funny?” I asked.
“Oh.” Its tail curled and it reached out to smooth some featherfluff. “That’s how Humans speak, yeah?”
“NO.” Spork snapped. “That is not how Humans speak, yeah.”
Spork was so moody sometimes. I mean we had just found a unit of our crew—that was a reason to be happy, soon ruling the world would be a reality. Kerfuffle was a Counter Intelligence Technician by title, which basically meant it could hack stuff, but it was also in charge of managing communication. Having it back meant we could probably do all kinds of cool things, like send Cedric spam! Oh the fun we could have!
Kerfuffle wasn’t exactly the fun type though. It was kind of boring as far as I was concerned.
“We shouldn’t stay out here.” Spork decided. “We should return to base.”
“Oooh, we have a base already?”
“Not exactly.” Spork mumbled.
“It’s a huuuge place!” I took over since everyone else, namely Spork, seemed to be failing to impress.
“Sooo much space. And a cactus!”
“Yeah?”
I nodded.
Kerfuffle usually worked close beside Licorice. I had to admit I actually didn’t know it very well, and Spork had never seemed fond of it. That was probably because it willingly worked by Licorice though. Spork hates Licorice.
We didn’t say much on the way back. Spork was being paranoid that Earthians would hear us. Earthian hearing is severely impaired though, we would have been fine. I chose to keep quiet thanks to the Spork factor. Remember. Things that are safe around normal people become void when we add Spork to the equation.
I frolicked ahead of Spork when we reached Cedric’s yard and opened the door. Kerfuffle was following behind Spork with its tail nearly curled between its legs. Its ears were also out to the sides which made it look dumb.
“Ceeeedric!” I called and pranced inside. “I brought back another friiiieend!”