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Chapter Nine: I Can’t Think of a Good Title


Horrible. It was simply horrible what greeted us upon arriving home. Cedric was knelt down, hovering over a furry pink creature. His spindly hand-limb thing outstretched over the helpless soul. Its cries or purrs rather, echoed the terror tugging at our hearts. My heart anyway, I’m not sure if Spork has a heart.
To put it another way, Hearts was on its back, rolling back and forth, batting at Cedric’s hand which he was dangling above the young feline.
“You’re more what I pictured when I welcomed Smiley in.” I heard him say.
“Filthy Earthian worm!” I hissed as I bounded forward.
Spork created some distance between Cedric and Hearts. Hearts didn’t seem concerned about Cedric or Spork or anyone else. It swished its tail back and forth a few times as it watched us all then scurried off to the other room to roll in some blankets.
As such, now it was time for Cedric to answer to me and Spork for his wayward behavior. Spork glared, its tail lashing. Cedric simply stood there holding his cup of coffee. It was hard to figure out how he felt about all of this since he had that glare on his glasses, however, knowing what a wimp he was at any other time, I tended to assume that he was rather frightened by all this.
“I’m sorry if any of that is offensive to your species. I was just trying to welcome your friend.”
Spork growled, the short fur on the back of its head standing up. Then it whipped around and headed towards the garage. It didn’t seem to want anything to do with us.
“Your friend is weird.” Cedric muttered to me. He seemed more relaxed now, but not as much as he normally was.
I was still glaring, but Cedric hadn’t noticed.
“Spork isn’t very friendly.” I answered.
“I noticed.”
Well that was one thing he’d noticed at least. Although I’d have preferred him to notice I was upset and offer an apology for claiming a dumb kitten was better company than me. It didn’t seem like I would receive such though, so I graced Cedric by dropping my irritation.
Cedric sighed as he moved into the kitchen—seemingly the only safe spot in the house from Spork thusfar.
“So what’s the story there? Something tragic and horrific happen?”
“Nah.” I shrugged. “Spork’s just mean.”
“I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.” He took a sip of coffee. “Cheers to him, I guess, for not having a troubled childhood.”
“Meh.” I mewed.
“What about the other one?”
“Hearts? Oh. It’s just a kitten. Tagged along with us. Wasn’t supposed to come.”
“Oh my…”
“Yeah. It’s a little bit of an issue, but what can a cat do?”
We both shrugged. I got myself a glass of juice and leaned against the cupboards and counter like Cedric was doing, sipping at the juice on occasion. I had been practicing how to look less like a soldier and more like a lazy, relaxed, Human. Spork claimed I had been good at it before ever setting foot on Earth. I think Spork exaggerates horribly though.
“I’m gonna go get Cactus.”
“You know, it has lived outside its whole life.”
“Only because you’re a big meanie who won’t share his hooouse.” I called back and pranced along to the back deck where Cactus was.
My mind wandered back to our showdown not that long ago. A fight between alien and plant. I had won, but I sustained several injuries in the process, as I had mentioned earlier.
Cactus has a built in defense mechanism that I like to call cactus needles. However, Cedric had taught me how to handle this devious plant life with a superpower upgrade called “gloves.” These made my paws doubly strong and impenetrable by devious little needles. He had gotten me a pair when at the store one day. They were green and tan with little bug patterns all over them. Not bad for Human fashion.
I easily gathered up Cactus and brought it inside. It was a little heavy and strenuous on my arms, but that was the worst of it. No poking needles like before. Hearts was the first, and only, to inquire about it as I placed it near Cedric’s TV.
“What’s that?”
“This is Cactus.”
“Hi, Cactus.”
Cactus didn’t reply. It was a little shy around strangers.
“Don’t talk to it. You’ll scare it.”
“Oh.” Hearts nodded. “Okay!”
I left Cactus in the room with Hearts and moved on. Now that all technical things had been taken care of it was time for me to change out of my pajamas and into something less scarred by the streets.
Fortunately I had a few various outfits to choose from. There was my casual wear from back home—mostly white with matching smiley faces to reflect the placement of those I had on my fur. My invader or scout uniform—the thing I usually wore and had shown up in initially. It was being washed at the moment though, so I settled instead on my Human disguise. This was a fancy little outfit I had ordered off of the internet on Cedric’s computer.
It had taken some work to get him to part with a small portion of his money to cover the costs of the stuff being shipped to me, but it had been well worth it. I had a pair of black shorts and a black long sleeve shirt with a big yellow smileyface on the side. Said shirt also had this adorable little fluffball that dangled from it. The problem with Human clothing is it doesn’t cover your feet like my clothes from back home would. I had solved that problem by ordering some socks as well. I pulled on a pair of my white and pink socks after the rest was on and took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. Yep, definitely a fine looking Qwuedeviv.
Feeling rather good about my accomplishments for the day I detoured back into the kitchen, threw together a proper meal and ate it whilst curling up in my cardboard box bed. After the food, I took a nice long nap to catch up on the sleep that Spork had robbed me of earlier. At least for the time being it had decided to be quiet. Who knew how long it would last but it was appreciated for now.
Hearts had been fairly quiet as well, mostly watching TV at a low volume and Cedric…well I wasn’t sure where he was, but I didn’t particularly care. I was confident he would try to avoid being eaten or killed.