Day 1: Suspect Sigmund Sly Voivaci, AKA "Zero" as he insisted we call him, has been successfully detained for the first time in years. However, said suspect has been imprisoned 37 times in his youth for 51 counts of burglary, all of which he proudly admitted as if it were some sort of achievement or game to him. He has accumulated a near unfathomable debt from property damage, arson, and of course theft.

Even today, as we led him to his cell, the green slime bag constantly gloated about his achievements as a "master thief," claiming that he had stolen our badges from us while we were busy handcuffing him (which, upon later inspection, proved to be true as I discovered an hour ago as I changed out of my outfit to find it missing). The worst of it was when he started "inspecting" his new cell after we threw him in, immediately pointing out the flaws of his containment and that he would escape within a day. Sadly, we knew this was no mere bluff as the skunk had proven time and time again just how talented he was at squeezing his way out of trouble.

It was then that we decided drastic, unorthodox procedures were needed if we were to keep this bloated bafoon locked up for good. We looked over every info we could find about Zero, including his medical record. We learned about his strange metabolic issue, as well as his unfathomable greed for food as well as money. With that info in mind, we hatched a scheme to keep him routed in his cell for good. We would use our own money to buy a feast for Zero every day, claiming we were "huge fans" of him in order to make him stay. His massive ego would get the best of him; he would stay put and spill stories about his greatest heists while gorging on the abundant food. He would grow softer, lazier, and fatter as time went on, his hope of escaping diminishing by the hour as he continued to unknowingly gorge himself into our trap.

With no space to exercise in the cell, Zero would be confined on his growing ass as he did nothing but talk and eat, talk and eat. His thick head wouldn't even notice the hole he was digging himself into, and by the time it did he'd be too late. Even if he refused to eat another bite, the foolish thief would be far past immobile, but that wouldn't stop us. No, we wanted to humiliate the damned skunk for stealing out badges! We'd juryrig a contraption that would hold food directly in front of Zero's face, knowing he wouldn't dare turn away something delicious right before his eyes. Even now, as I can hear him gloating in his cell to his cellmate, I can picture his horror-stricken eyes as he fills out half the cell by himself, struggling to so much as lift an arm as cake is dispensed into his open greedy maw. My only concern is whether or not we thought of every factor involved with our revenge scheme, but I'm sure it will work fine.

Day 80: It worked


I kinda wanna write a full on story to this now. It's kinda fun to mess with Zero :3

Awesome drawing by  psychicthehedgehog who wanted to try and draw all of my, uh, "fantasies" into one drawing. It worked >.>