FA+
Shop
465
Views
Views
11
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1280 x 1280
File Size 224.1 kB
Report this content
More from Rubymei
Listed in Folders
First of all, I want to say that I am okay right now. This is just something I've wanted to do for a while. It's a bit of a mess, because that's what it's like after all. The mind isn't all straight and to the point.
Today I wanted to talk about mental illness, and I wanted to hear from others how it's affected their lives. But first, I can't ask others to speak without speaking about myself first, no?
Please don't read if talking about panic attacks bothers you! Instead, maybe share your own story for others? There's hope out there. Keep your heads up, even if it's difficult, you're worth it.
I've had really bad anxiety for a long time now, since I was about 14. I'm 20 now, for reference. I had my first panic attack in school at Grade 9, I had no idea what was happening, I thought I was having a heart attack and I promptly freaked out. I wasn't having a heart attack of course, but I was just a child, and the teachers were no better at helping to calm my panic. To this day, I still can't stand being in a school for very long. Shortly after that, I stopped going to school and started a long path of random councilers who only cared about making sure I went back to school and Child protective services trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
This was all a very stressful time of my life, when I didn't know what was happening to me, I was having on average multiple panic attacks a day until one day I ended up going to the hospital. I got checked out, and was told it was just a panic attack, and oddly that brought a sense of peace to know I wasn't just flat out dying. They sent me home, and slowly the panic attacks got better. I had never been good at going out alone, and that manifested more and more into even going outside causing me panic attacks. During this time, I could barely sleep my own mother would have to comfort me until I fell asleep any time of the day because I was terrified of even sleeping.
My family doctor tried to give me meds, but I was always incredibly afraid of medication because my mom had always taken a lot and I had seen how it affected her. So I was never able to get myself to try them. The first time I did try them, it was terrible. I was freaked out so badly that it took me years to ever consider trying them again. Everytime my anxiety got completely unmanagable I'd think about it, but soon it would get to a space where it was 'okay' again and I'd swear that I'd be okay without them again. But then it'd happen again, and again. Sometimes the next dip into anxiety was worse than the last, happening for a few months, and then a few months of being 'okay' again.
I went through a lot between all this that isn't very relevant, but eventually I got a boyfriend. Whom was very patient with me, and understanding of my problems, we started out very slowly. I told him that I made no promises, and that we'd need to be 'chill' about it all. He agreed, and we spoke online for a bit and eventually met for an afternoon and things went alright! So we begun to meet more, it was bumpy sometimes because it was such a drastic change to me and I was terrified.
I soon realized that my anxiety didn't just affect me, it affected my family, my friends, and most definitely my boyfriend. I knew this all along, but I still thought I'd be okay because I lived in a world where I avoided everything that might be bad for my anxiety. This is about the time I decided to try meds again, about 6 months ago in fact. This time the side effects were small, I was terrified but my best friend Tsine stayed with me for a week while I started taking them. I started at a quarter, and slowly moved up to a half and stayed there for about a month. My boyfriend constantly comforted me when I'd start freaking out, especially at night, he'd stay up late to message me until I fell asleep sometimes.
I slept a lot, I dreamed vividly. It was pretty cool honestly, except for the nightmares those were pretty shit. Eventually I got to a full pill, and remember when I started to actually notice that I was having less panic attacks. I was able to be alone without begging someone to stay with me constantly in my own home. I always thought pills were for people that were weak, how wrong I was. I still have bad days, but I've learned a lot about my anxiety in the last 6 months. I still can't go outside on my own, and I definitely can't handle the bus well even if I'm not alone but that's okay. It's a journey, guys. We have to start small, work our way up, accept help that's offered and decide what's best for us.
I learned the hard way, multiple times. Don't let it fester, talk to someone, it'll help. That's why I'm here right now. Reach out, share your story here, or don't, talk to a friend or a family member. You're not alone, I'm here right now. There's no rush, we'll all get better a little bit at a time. There's hope.
I became an artist because it gave me peace of mind, and somewhere to think about my thoughts on a canvas. Also because someday, I want to help other people with the same issues as me, whether it's through comics, writing or just plain pictures.
Here are the people who have helped me along in my life.
TheCluelessFox 
WTGinger 
~FreiWolf~ 
UkeKit 
Niarro 
Shadowswipe
Posting this gave me anxiety. LOL Rip me
Now, it's your turn. What's your story?
Today I wanted to talk about mental illness, and I wanted to hear from others how it's affected their lives. But first, I can't ask others to speak without speaking about myself first, no?
Please don't read if talking about panic attacks bothers you! Instead, maybe share your own story for others? There's hope out there. Keep your heads up, even if it's difficult, you're worth it.
I've had really bad anxiety for a long time now, since I was about 14. I'm 20 now, for reference. I had my first panic attack in school at Grade 9, I had no idea what was happening, I thought I was having a heart attack and I promptly freaked out. I wasn't having a heart attack of course, but I was just a child, and the teachers were no better at helping to calm my panic. To this day, I still can't stand being in a school for very long. Shortly after that, I stopped going to school and started a long path of random councilers who only cared about making sure I went back to school and Child protective services trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
This was all a very stressful time of my life, when I didn't know what was happening to me, I was having on average multiple panic attacks a day until one day I ended up going to the hospital. I got checked out, and was told it was just a panic attack, and oddly that brought a sense of peace to know I wasn't just flat out dying. They sent me home, and slowly the panic attacks got better. I had never been good at going out alone, and that manifested more and more into even going outside causing me panic attacks. During this time, I could barely sleep my own mother would have to comfort me until I fell asleep any time of the day because I was terrified of even sleeping.
My family doctor tried to give me meds, but I was always incredibly afraid of medication because my mom had always taken a lot and I had seen how it affected her. So I was never able to get myself to try them. The first time I did try them, it was terrible. I was freaked out so badly that it took me years to ever consider trying them again. Everytime my anxiety got completely unmanagable I'd think about it, but soon it would get to a space where it was 'okay' again and I'd swear that I'd be okay without them again. But then it'd happen again, and again. Sometimes the next dip into anxiety was worse than the last, happening for a few months, and then a few months of being 'okay' again.
I went through a lot between all this that isn't very relevant, but eventually I got a boyfriend. Whom was very patient with me, and understanding of my problems, we started out very slowly. I told him that I made no promises, and that we'd need to be 'chill' about it all. He agreed, and we spoke online for a bit and eventually met for an afternoon and things went alright! So we begun to meet more, it was bumpy sometimes because it was such a drastic change to me and I was terrified.
I soon realized that my anxiety didn't just affect me, it affected my family, my friends, and most definitely my boyfriend. I knew this all along, but I still thought I'd be okay because I lived in a world where I avoided everything that might be bad for my anxiety. This is about the time I decided to try meds again, about 6 months ago in fact. This time the side effects were small, I was terrified but my best friend Tsine stayed with me for a week while I started taking them. I started at a quarter, and slowly moved up to a half and stayed there for about a month. My boyfriend constantly comforted me when I'd start freaking out, especially at night, he'd stay up late to message me until I fell asleep sometimes.
I slept a lot, I dreamed vividly. It was pretty cool honestly, except for the nightmares those were pretty shit. Eventually I got to a full pill, and remember when I started to actually notice that I was having less panic attacks. I was able to be alone without begging someone to stay with me constantly in my own home. I always thought pills were for people that were weak, how wrong I was. I still have bad days, but I've learned a lot about my anxiety in the last 6 months. I still can't go outside on my own, and I definitely can't handle the bus well even if I'm not alone but that's okay. It's a journey, guys. We have to start small, work our way up, accept help that's offered and decide what's best for us.
I learned the hard way, multiple times. Don't let it fester, talk to someone, it'll help. That's why I'm here right now. Reach out, share your story here, or don't, talk to a friend or a family member. You're not alone, I'm here right now. There's no rush, we'll all get better a little bit at a time. There's hope.
I became an artist because it gave me peace of mind, and somewhere to think about my thoughts on a canvas. Also because someday, I want to help other people with the same issues as me, whether it's through comics, writing or just plain pictures.
Here are the people who have helped me along in my life.
TheCluelessFox 
WTGinger 
~FreiWolf~ 
UkeKit 
Niarro 
ShadowswipePosting this gave me anxiety. LOL Rip me
Now, it's your turn. What's your story?
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1280 x 1280px
File Size 224.1 kB
Listed in Folders
A lot of my friends have problems with depression, anxiety and all that stuff and I try so hard to help them, but sometimes it's really stressful to me and I start acting weird when i'm stressed and it really sucks because when I get like that sometimes I hurt someone by that and make someone angry and its just awful, I love helping my friends but it sometimes is really stressful, but i'm glad that I do because in return they always try to help me and I love them so much idk just aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well you asked so I suppose I will tell you a bit of my story.
I can't remember when my anxiety and panic attacks started as it was so many years ago, probably around the age yours started I guess. Unfortunately my triggers were not only medication (which didn't exist in quite the abundance back then as it does now...I is old) but also doctors, friends and basically asking for help... I still have a hard time asking for help to this day.
My anxiety made me feel very alone and for half my life I shunned friendship and relationships of all types. I am not sure when it happened but gradually I started channeling my fears into anger and bitterness at myself, others and the world in general... I lived off this and anytime I felt fear I through rage at it and trucked it down deep inside myself so it could fester into bitterness.
Well this went on for too long until eventually one day I realized I was on the path to an early lonely grave. I decided I can't keep doing this, this is not a sane or healthy way of dealing with this... so gradually bit by bit I forced myself to be social, and to meditate and channel my fears and bitterness in other ways.
I wish I could say there was one magic thing that worked but there wasn't.... I tried a lot of different things over many years and many failed utterly but a few helped a little. Those I grabbed onto when I found them, no single thing made me better but each did a tiny bit here and there over years.
I guess they added up over time, sorta a cumulative effect.
I can't remember when my anxiety and panic attacks started as it was so many years ago, probably around the age yours started I guess. Unfortunately my triggers were not only medication (which didn't exist in quite the abundance back then as it does now...I is old) but also doctors, friends and basically asking for help... I still have a hard time asking for help to this day.
My anxiety made me feel very alone and for half my life I shunned friendship and relationships of all types. I am not sure when it happened but gradually I started channeling my fears into anger and bitterness at myself, others and the world in general... I lived off this and anytime I felt fear I through rage at it and trucked it down deep inside myself so it could fester into bitterness.
Well this went on for too long until eventually one day I realized I was on the path to an early lonely grave. I decided I can't keep doing this, this is not a sane or healthy way of dealing with this... so gradually bit by bit I forced myself to be social, and to meditate and channel my fears and bitterness in other ways.
I wish I could say there was one magic thing that worked but there wasn't.... I tried a lot of different things over many years and many failed utterly but a few helped a little. Those I grabbed onto when I found them, no single thing made me better but each did a tiny bit here and there over years.
I guess they added up over time, sorta a cumulative effect.
I've heard some pretty harsh things about how mental illness was treated even a decade or two ago. So I can't imagine having to grow up without the help that there is and the understanding that we have now. Since I personally know you, I can say that you were definitely friendly and easy to befriend to me. So I think you've done a good job. <3
I understand what you mean by the little tricks and things you slowly learn along the way that help you, or make you stronger for some reason or another. Eventually you learn a bunch of little things that you can do to make it through things that are hard for you.
I'm hoping that medication advances more in the future, and someday maybe we'll actually know WHY the medication we have now affects the brain like it does rather than just with trial and error. I never knew this part of you, or I did a little bit, but not to this extent. So thank you for talking about it. c: I really appreciate it.
Let's hope this year will be an even better year for all of us.
I understand what you mean by the little tricks and things you slowly learn along the way that help you, or make you stronger for some reason or another. Eventually you learn a bunch of little things that you can do to make it through things that are hard for you.
I'm hoping that medication advances more in the future, and someday maybe we'll actually know WHY the medication we have now affects the brain like it does rather than just with trial and error. I never knew this part of you, or I did a little bit, but not to this extent. So thank you for talking about it. c: I really appreciate it.
Let's hope this year will be an even better year for all of us.
Yea I heard bad things about how they used to treat mental illness but I never went to any doctor or took any medication, I was always too afraid of them, so I cannot speak with any knowledge of the reality of how it was. But thank you sweety I have worked hard to release the years of bitterness.
Not too many know about my younger years as they are not a comfy subject for me, there are still remaints... as I think I might have told you before I never actually overcame any of it exactly, I more learned how to deal with it, accept it and live with it... make it a part of who I am and my life instead of some demon to be excised and fought.
Not too many know about my younger years as they are not a comfy subject for me, there are still remaints... as I think I might have told you before I never actually overcame any of it exactly, I more learned how to deal with it, accept it and live with it... make it a part of who I am and my life instead of some demon to be excised and fought.
I grew up in an abusive environment, then I gravitated to people that weren't good for me, and as a result I struggle every day with being able to trust people. When I was younger I had a great deal of anxiety and for a while, 98% of the time, I couldn't force myself to do basic every day things. After a while I moved over it, but it turned into mistrusting people in a different, more violent sort of way. So I went from frightened to bold and combative. With some more years piled on, it morphed into being silent and skeptical. That's where I am now. So, I'm not fearful, but I don't blow up either. It's more like being disconnected from the world and I have a hard time taking anything seriously. I mostly lack the ability to show people that I care at all. It's rare when it does happen.
I am unfortunately anti-medication and talking to professionals, due to bad experiences there, but I don't think there is anything that could be done anyway. Nothing I haven't heard, and I won't touch pills. I am determined to move over this though, and ultimately be able to mingle with other people in a way that is successful.
So! There's mine.
I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you, Vasthy, and I do hope everything continues to improve for you. One day at a time. :)
I am unfortunately anti-medication and talking to professionals, due to bad experiences there, but I don't think there is anything that could be done anyway. Nothing I haven't heard, and I won't touch pills. I am determined to move over this though, and ultimately be able to mingle with other people in a way that is successful.
So! There's mine.
I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you, Vasthy, and I do hope everything continues to improve for you. One day at a time. :)
-snuggs- Thanks for sharing your story, Snowy. It makes me happy to hear about other people's lives if that's weird. It's nice to know you're not alone, and that other people have difficulties that could be completely different from yours, which would change their perspective on life too.
And yes, one day at a time. <3 We should talk about that art trade sometime, I've been meaning to get around to that. :p
And yes, one day at a time. <3 We should talk about that art trade sometime, I've been meaning to get around to that. :p
Comments