I've been feeling like this a lot recently, just the inspiration and energy to get up and do things just get sucked right out of me as soon as I wake up.

I lay awake at night with ideas and thoughts running through my head so much I can't sleep.

I only seem to sleep from about 6am to midday comfortably, even with strict routines and early nights...even when I do sleep its nightmares and sleep paralysis over and over.

I have so many ideas I don't know where to start when i'm awake.

With being disabled physically and mentally, I can't seem to function unless i'm dosed up on medication and caffeine to the point of shaking or just falling asleep.

The pain gets intense in my back and legs, it sucks my energy and I have to stop. Its getting to the point where I become breathless and pant hard because its hurting so much and nothing stops it.

Mentally, i'm fucked. The hallucinations are getting more intense, anxiety and depression is ruling my life with an iron fist, PTSD stops me from getting on with life, the flashbacks get more and more vivid at the wrong times. Psychosis is just generally fucking with everything and being bipolar the extremes vary and can be unpredictable, volatile and destructive...

Its just getting to the point of being unable to handle life at the moment.

I am doing what I can to distract myself and keep myself busy, but one wrong thought, action, sound, sight, taste or feeling and it all comes crumbling down.

I'm not as strong as I used to be...

I'm 27 going steadily down the pit of nothingness.