"Well, good afternoon. Problems, sir? No, no, wait, let me guess. But it was an emergency? You were thirty seconds over? You pay my salary? You make more money in a week than I do in a year? No, no, it's okay. I'm well ahead of my quota for the day. So go ahead, speak your mind."

---

Q: "Err. . . Actually, this is your introductory reference as a Zootopia OC."

Z: "Hm? Oh, my bad. So. . . This'll be that other conversation I've had over a hundred times already?"

Q: "Well, yes, most likely. Why don't you start by telling us a little about your background. First, and most obvious, why do they call you Zero?"

Z: "Hm. I would've figured the most obvious would be 'why are you blue?', but we can work our way up to that. Anyway, it's nothing damn near everyone in Zootopia doesn't already know from watching the news or browsing the web, but I was one of the twenty-odd predators that were abducted by conspirators working for Dawn Bellwether and designated Predatory Early Test Subjects."

Q: "So. . . You were Bellwether's PETS?"

Z: "I. . ." *sigh* "Yes. And I'm sure that acronym was made deliberately. But if the name isn't obvious, our purpose was to be experimented on with Midnicampum Holicithias poison. Which is actually very mild in its natural state -- that's why nobody suspected it could have caused the Savage Sickness. They didn't care about our names; we were just animals to them, so they referred to us only by number in the order we were captured. I was originally PETS-04, but they gave me the designation 0 after I failed to show any signs of savagery even after all the others were dipping in and out of the advanced stages."

Q: "Any idea why that was?"

Z: "I can't divulge too much, but the short answer is that I've had an entire lifetime of exposure to Night Howler and built up a tolerance for it. And I dare say I think they continually 'tested' even the samples they knew would not work on me to increase my resistance even further -- to ensure that whatever concoction they whipped up to finally turn me savage would turn any predator savage. A zero error serum, you could say. Hence the name."

Q: "And did they succeed, or did they just decide 'Meh, good enough?'"

Z: "Well. . . Kind of. I was temporarily rendered savage, but by the time the ZPD finally rescued us, it was already wearing off. I. . . It's foggy, but I do remember some things from that night. Like. . . Well, for example, I don't remember Officer Hopps being among our rescuers, but I know she was because I do remember realizing that our ordeal was over because I could smell a rabbit, not just sheep or the other test subjects again."

Q: "Do you know how they found you?"

Z: "Oh lord, who doesn't know by now? When they finally caught up with the last of the conspirators, they divulged our existence but threatened not to give them our location unless they received immunity."

Q: "And did they?"

Z: "They got clemency. They plead guilty, but the only jail time any of them served was that which they already had. It was a huge scandal, both because the deal was made at all, and also when they saw just what kind of horrors we'd been subjected to. Of course, that just made it all the more uplifting for everyone once we started progressing through rehab. Especially that poor sod that had been injected with so much Night Howler over such a long period of time that it literally turned him blue."

Q: "That's what that is?"

Z: "Mm-hmm. That's anthocyanin. I'm not the only one who has it, but I am the only one that has more of it that he could ever hope to cover up. Everyone else either has just small patches of it that are easily covered up, or black fur so you can only see it by turning off the lights and shining a flashlight behind them."

Q: "Damn. So with all that, why do you still go by the name Zero?"

Z: "Both of my parents were also PETS, and they're both still in rehab. If I went by my given name, everything I do in the ZPD could come back to haunt them in turn. And, well, by the time I was out of rehab and in at ZPD Academy, the name had pretty well stuck."

Q: "Which brings me to the other big question: What made you decide to join the ZPD?"

Z: "First thing was when the interim mayor got down on his knees and begged me.

"No, literally. After Hopps and Wilde cracked the Savage Sickness case, all the other criminal elements in Zootopia started using Night Howler in their own activities. It started off as revenge attacks and copycat crimes, but eventually they all noticed that any Night Howler attack would send the area into a panic and force the ZPD to completely divert all resources to clean it up. Then they started attacking the ZPD directly. Nobody ever went full savage -- they're a long way off from ever possibly reverse-engineering the Savage Serum. But it's still a scary prospect, so every time they attacked an officer, even if only with blue food coloring, they went out of commission and into the hospital for observation."

Q: "What does this have to do with you?"

Z: "The rest of the PETS and I have increased immunity to Night Howler. The mayor's numbers only climbed halfway out of the toilet whenever one of us made progress with our rehab, so I guess she figured she could address both her unpopularity and the police shortage at the same time by encouraging all of us to enlist."

Q: "I see. Now, you said that was the first reason. Was there another?"

Z: "Hazel Dodge, another of the PETS, convinced us to. Turns out that one of the two officers who cracked the case and was ultimately responsible for our freedom, Officer Wilde, was an old friend of hers, one that she feared dead when he didn't wind up in the kennels with her. See, we all agreed, before we were rescued, that, if we ever got out, no matter what happened, we would stick together. So when she told us she was going to take the offer with or without us, well, we all figured we might as well at least give the ZPD a shot."

Q: "So are you all in the ZPD now?"

Z: "Not all of us. Five of them, my parents among them, are still in rehab. But eight of us, Hazel and myself included, were approved for early graduation. A couple of others also qualified but weren't approved, and the rest of the gang is still in training at the Academy."

Q: "Early graduation? Given all you've been through, that's quite impressive."

Z: "Heh. Well, we were in there for five years. And during those five years, whenever we had control of our minds, we only did two things: Talk about how we could possibly escape, and get prepared to escape. Needless to say, getting buffed up so we could beat the snot out of our captors was a big part of the plan. And compared to some of the crazy things we considered doing to try to get out of there, a simulated sandstorm and freezing ice wall weren't very intimidating at all."

Q: "I see. But in spite of all you've been through, they put you on parking duty. Why is that?"

Z: "Because everyone in Zootopia can recognize me and know exactly who I am. They were reluctant to even approve me for the ZPD at all for that reason; said my high profile would compromise any sensitive investigative work they could put me in. So I said 'Fine, give me one of the most visible positions you can think of and you can use me as bait.'

"And they did just that. They put a little spy camera in the badge on my hat, dressed me up as a giant blue and orange bullseye, and another officer is watching via my hat cam and the traffic network to see who is reacting how while I make my rounds."

Q: "And you're alright with that?"

Z: "Sure, it was my idea."

Q: "Yeah, but. . . The uniform?"

Z: "Hell, the uniform's the best part." *adjusts his hat* "I freakin' love this hat. It's like Steampunk Viami Mice. And the vest. . . Well, yeah, it's an eyesore, but it's also only the second time I've had any orange on me this year."

Q: "What was the first?"

Z: "Err. . . It's on Zootube. Umm. . . Let's just say that moping about never being your original color again can be a very bad idea. Especially if a crazy species supremacist crashed a truck through the bathrooms the night before and you're now forced to use port-a-johns."

Q: "Ah, I see. One final question before we turn it over to the at-home audience: Can you tell us anything about the other PETS who were early graduates with you?"

Z: "Well, you already know most of them. Hazel, I already mentioned. Then there's Justin Howlett, the first subject to be interviewed on ZNN, he made the cut. Also, Aki Cheka, whom you might remember from the Vancougar games."

Q: "You mean the Zoolympics?"

Z: "Yeah. Cripes, I can't believe how few mammals remember her -- she won two gold medals. You might also remember Barbara Eaton. She's an anteater, so there was some commotion when they found her trapped in the kennels designated a predator."

Q: "Because insectivores are typically classified as prey species?"

Z: "Exactly. Makes you wonder what else Bellwether may have decided was not preyish enough for her. She and Rose were the poster mammals for the PETS before I finished rehab. Rose being the red panda, AKA, the 'Aww, how could you!' subject. And, um. . . Last, but definitely not least, Aaron Maske. Who, I won't lie, I probably would not have passed the detective exams without."

Q: "Can you elaborate on that?"

Z: "Well, long story short: Maske was an antique picker, and since a lot of us had nonexistent resumes, most of us leaned on him to teach us the ins and outs of the trade. Then we got the ZPD offer, and he figured out that a lot of his old trade could be applied to detective work. And, yeah, once he pointed out all the similarities, that detective exam was pretty easy."

Q: "Okay. Now, you said there were eight, and counting you, that only makes seven. Is there one more?"

Z: "Umm. . . Yes, there is. Though for the moment, I think I would much rather respect his privacy."

Q: "Very well, we'll respect it in turn. Now, one last question before we start taking questions from the viewers at home: Is there anything you would like to say to your captors, wherever they may be now?"

Z: "Hmm. . . Yes, I think there is." *pops his car's trunk and rummages around* "Doug, Jesse and Woolter, wherever you are-" *holds up a baseball bat* "I've got wood for your sheep."

---

Will update with Qs and As from viewers if so desired (just humor me and pretend that might actually happen).

Zootopia is © Walt Disney Animation Studios

PETS-0, AKA Officer Zero, is ©  Terastas

Original artwork is by the incredibly talented  Danji Isthmus ~ Craftypillar, who you should totally give the faves to by clicking here instead.

No, seriously, feel free to comment on this if you like it, but give your faves to the person that actually drew this.