Lee finds Sam.
Again, must warn for strong language. That Sam, man alive.
Story by me and  kiru
Or possibly by  kiru and I.
Now then:




Yesterday sucked. I spent an hour at the skate park, and most of it was waiting for ringtails to get out of my way. One thing I did notice, though, was that the new coons showed up. The bigger one really didn’t strike me as all that bright, but he definitely had presence. Managed to hit it off with another one of the larger coons in no time. I didn’t think about it much at the moment. I had things to do with Joel. Big cat, Russian blue, could probably tear the gullet out of anyone here. But what really impresses me about him is he actually can string two thoughts together. I respect him for that, yanno?

It wasn’t until I was eating my dinner that a thought came to me. It was blurry, and needed to be fleshed out, but something in me just grabbed onto that idea and let it fester. In an hour I had a basic plan, and by the next morning I was ready to give it my best shot.

Paper bag in paw, I wandered my way around the heart of the coon territory, my nose to the air. It took some work not to gag, but I needed to find that lummox’s scent. Five minutes of searching, and there he was. Alone, asleep, perfect. I considered waking him up outright, but knowing coons, and especially the bigger ones, doing so might put my jaw at risk. So, up into the nearest tree I went, and from the lowest branch, I waited.

It’s funny, but somehow just staring at sleeping people seems to wake them up. The guy came to at about the speed of smell. After managing his eyes open, he just stared at me for who knows how long, before taking a sniff and actually putting two and two together, which was the point where he jumped backwards and whacked his head on the crate of crap behind him. “SHI-” Then he fell over, “FUCK!!!” Oh, how hard it was not to laugh. “WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?”

“Ah, sorry.” I managed, keeping my voice steady as I climbed down. “Are you alright?"

"Ohh, man..." He clutched his head, moaning slightly. Clearly not having heard me. "What the fuck are you doing here??" Charming. "Imma kick your ass," he added, muzzily.

It was about there I decided to keep what distance I had. "I just wanted to talk, that's all. I noticed you were new, and I wanted to introduce myself, tell you about the area, welcome you, that kind of stuff."

For my greeting I got the stinkeye, at least it looked like it given how much he must have rattled his brain. "Uh-huh?" His fists clenched and unclenched, bad sign.

"Should I come back when you're feeling better? I brought you breakfast."

This seemed to do the trick. The miracle of food. "Whoooaaa, duuude." A hint of a smile appeared at the corners of his mouth. "Wudja get?"

I smiled, trying to keep my intent out of it as I humbly presented the paper bag with me. "Just a few sandwiches. Fresh, too. One was to be for that other raccoon with you, but he seems to have taken off." Thank goodness, I didn’t need the annoyance of trying to screw with two of you.

Quick look around for the absent friend, then "Holy shit!" He stood up, practically peeing himself now. "Where'd you get 'em??" The coon was practically bouncing up and down. I should have probably just pegged him with the bag and saved myself this poor first impression.

"Easy, I'm an indoor cat." I explained, finally stepping forward and handing him the bag. "Should I go and come back when you're done eating?" Say yes, I don’t want to watch you eat.

This guy was already rifling through the bag and pulling out a sandwich. "Nah, dude. Hang out. C'mon." It was like a train wreck,. Yes, I’ve seen a train wreck. He didn’t even stop talking to eat, and by the end of his sentence, his mouth was already full. I considered excusing myself, but ended up just sitting down, "So what brings two rogues like you and your friend to a place like this, anyway?" I waited a moment, not being able to stand it anymore. "Whenever your mouth's free, by all means."

He stifled a laugh, thank heaven, and, after a few moments, swallowed. "Uh, just...fuckin'...lookin' for a place to stay, and, uh, we found this place." Wow, smooth talking, man. Real smooth.

"It's nice, that's for sure." I added. "You already saw the skate park, plus there's a lake right near here, and the ocean's just a few miles west."

"Dude! The *ocean*? Cooool!" Ugh. "I surf, man. We both do!" He gestured towards the crate, and what could probably count as surfboards were sticking out. “Sounds like we hit the *jackpot*."

"I can probably get you a ride every now and then, just let me know when you want to go." There, enough cordialities. It was time to get to business. "So, aside from taking advantage of all the great places there are nearby, what kind of plans do you have for your time here?"

"Uh..." Wow, stumped on the first try, bravo. "Stuff?" His eyes shifted side to side. I kid you not, side to side. It was like he was trying to be obvious, especially when coupled with a nervous laugh, "Stuff! We're doin' stuff! Yeah, that's it!"

Tactic change. I gave a sigh, and got up. "Ah well, at least I tried." I brushed my pants off to make my intention clear. "I guess nothing I do will work."

It worked. "No, wait, what, dude? Really...no, you're cool an' all, it's just..." He stopped to compose himself, scratching his head and frowning. "Whadda you want? Why do you wanna know?"

"It's a harmless question, isn't it?" I answered. "I've had a lot of trouble making friends with raccoons around here, but if I can't even get them to talk to me, why even try, ya know?"

This won me a laugh, somehow. "Like, I could be your friend, dude. I got nothin' against, like, cats an' all. Cool ones, anyway. I'm totally a stand-up guy." What the hell is a stand-up guy?

"Then should I not ask questions like that?"

I had his interest, at least. "I gotta ask you, dude...You're not gonna, like, narc on me, are you? If I tell you what's up? Cause I think you're cool, ya know? But I gotta know what's up, 'cause me an' Ian got some..." And here, he lowered his voice. "big fuckin' plans." He went quiet for about five seconds, giving me one hell of a stare. "Big fuckin' plans.”

Tactic change, assume the best. I did my best to give a warm laugh. "Narc on you? To whom? The other raccoons who won't give me the time of day? No way. It'd be nice to see some changes around here, anyway."

Despite my poor performance, he laughed, loudly, before he realized what he was doing and stopped outright. "Oh, I fuckin' got some *big* fuckin' changes in mind, dude. Just you wait." He looked side to side again, then continued in a low voice. "Gonna form a gang." He elongated the last word for effect, then gave me this look like my approval meant everything to him.

I felt my eyes go wide. "You're...serious? You really mean this?"

"Dude, we're gonna be so..." He seemed to be rifling through the thesaurus in his head for the correct response. Eventually, he found it. "....powerful," he finished.

Jack. Pot. I could feel myself smiling and couldn’t stop. "You, my good raccoon, are brilliant."

His ego practically exploded with that one. Then, he started laughing this awful excuse for a laugh, like a fat dog trying to mate with a chicken or something. "Oh, man..." was all he managed to say for a while. I wanted to strangle him.

Finally, he composed himself, leaned back against his create, and resumed eating the sandwich he'd apparently forgotten about. "So I guess I'm brilliant, huh?" he said, mouth full, crumbs and cheese dancing between his teeth. "You think so, dude? Really?"

It was difficult, but I managed a slow nod. This was my chance. "Well, your gang can only be as successful as its members. If you'd let me help out, I'd be sure to make sure that everyone in the gang knew who was boss and what was expected of them. Give you more time to scope out talent and make your next big move."

I waited anxiously as he mulled it over, still chewing like a cow. "Well, dude, uh...I *kinda* already got *one* dude. His name's Nathan. He's gonna get another dude he knows. An' I *already* got..." Something seemed to come to him. "Oh,man! I gotta go to the skate park, dude. I got some other dudes I wanna check out!" He turned and dug into the crate, having evidently become oblivious to my existance. "But, yeah, dude, I'll fuckin' consider it an' all, but..." He pulled out his skateboard. "Look, dude, if I need your help, I'll totally ask for it. Fuckin' word up!" He looked like he was just about to run off. "Wanna come with?"

Do I wanna come with? Do I wanna come with? Listen to you talk like you’re the greatest thing since claws and get nothing out of it? I’d rather have my gums scraped! No, control your feelings, change tactics again, you were too eager. "No, I'll probably just drive away people you want to talk to."

He paused in mid-dash, and actually looked disappointed at that. "Aw, dude. You wanna hang again? You around much?" Translation: Can I talk you in to bringing me more food?
"We could go do lunch or somethin'." He said, cramming the last of his sandwich in his maw.

This would be a challenge. I gave him the best smile I could manage. "I'll come find you. You're not that hard to miss."

“Hur hur hur." Kill me. "It's the shirt." He gestured at a character I wasn’t familiar with. It had horns and was surrounded by flames. Clearly wearing unpleasant things was cool or something. "Did it myself, dude," he added, seeming to grow in height.

"That's awesome." Came the very forced lie. "I'll see you around, then."

"Yeah, catch you on the flipside, man!" He began to run off, then stopped and turned around, retracing his steps. "Oh, uh, dude, uh,..my names Sam."

He held out his free paw, which I took in my own, giving it a firm, single shake. "Lee."

"You're cool, man. We'll talk." And with that, he grabbed the bag of sandwiches in his free paw, and was off, leaving me there to consider throwing his precious crate into the lake. But no, this kid was going to form a gang, and one way or another, I was going to make it mine.