a new adventure, and some things starting to come together.

I wonder if this mission will be rather more difficult than everyone anticipates.

Well there are a lot more chapters...

Can't wait for the next part :)

Receiving her identification papers was a powerful moment. The whole "proving she exists" part was pretty poignant. I also like the allusions you make to the original story, such as the black cloth still over the mirror.

Typos:

--[NOT EVEN LOOKING] at her escorts as they drove off, the vixen just walked across the pad towards her ship.

--As she approached the ship, [PEPPY] came out, his frown hanging as low as his ears.

--She [DIDN'T] bother with wearing any makeup, even though [SHE] knew how to apply it thanks to the mental changes.

--"I'm glad to hear that someone is [INTERESTED] in that.

--"I'm surprised that the StarFox Team would be [INTERESTED] in our little job.

--"I'll take care of that today," she said as they started down the stairs towards the [HANGAR].

By the way, I don't do this to be mean or anything. I only will until you tell me stop. Proofreading is just something I've done for a long time.

Going to have to say I like how the 4th chapter picks up IMMEDIATELY from the 3rd. It's like telling people "unless you've been keeping up, this scene just won't make sense." I like that. Kind o f prevents people from jumping in midway and trying to figure out what's going on. That and I also like how the setting is being emphasized again. It's afternoon, it's hot, and given that, people are going to get irritable very.. VERY quickly.


Already liking how even though the 'set' damage costs are put in stone, that the cost is just "going to be high." As everyone in the world isn't made of money as seen in every other story. I like that realism that comes to play. Liz already storming off looking for that thing the teams needs desperately: A job. As repairs don't pay themselves. In this case, Peppy's footing the bill,. but in the long run..


Going from that, the transition into Liz's room and then looking for jobs... well.. I have to clap as we've all been there. And just like everyday life here offline, they either pay too little, need more qualifications, or are half way across the Lylat system and far too out the way. That kept me interested as ... hey... we've all been there. It's hard not to empathize with her.



Getting the job was a bit more colorful though. I mean, having to masquerade as the husband of..yourself? Naturally, anyone's going to have a hard time trying to adjust to saying that phrase. But in this chapter, I'm glad to see the paper was finalized, as Liz can be quoted with the "I guess I exist now."


It's a colorful little tale so far. I'm four chapters in and I can see how it's going. It's about giving the characters an actual "life." They aren't always glamorously going out and saving the world and fighting amazing dogfights against Wolf and aliens. They have bills to pay, repairs to maintain and sources of income they have to get just like the next man. It's not glamorous and high profile, but that's the beauty of the story. It's showing them having to start from square one and work their way back up as they aren't "Starfox" without the backing of Fox. And I like that.


I may have summarized too much of the story already, but the fact that I CAN summarize it shows you're doing a damn good job of writing it. I know you've written this long, long ago, but damned if I'm letting that stop me from playing catch up~