My boyfriend/mate has seen me at my worst, seen me at my lowest and I can't keep apologizing enough...

I'm a bad werewuff...I get angry at the smallest things and its getting to me a lot more now i'm affecting someone else with it too. I don't mean to get angry, it just happens. I'm very defensive and act like i'm being attacked from all sides most of the time and it scares me because I lash out. Anxiety makes me the most irritable person on the planet because I worry about missing things...I worry about not being able to act normally.

My doctor also thinks I have Aspergers Syndrome and high functioning autism thats been undiagnosed since I was young. I've never been understood by doctors because I hide things so well. A therapist I saw told the doctor recently about HIS diagnosis of me.
Apparently I also have severe PTSD due to childhood, my teen years and also the sexual attack at a convention.

I know its no excuse...but to know there might be more behind the reasons why I get scared and angry, the flashbacks, the not being able to understand people. I used to think I could read people really well, I could cheer them up or make them laugh. But that was a defense mechanism at work...

I laugh my pain away. I make jokes at my own expense and get confused reactions from people. Also thanks to an impulsive behavior disorder, i'm emotionally unstable due to both that and the psychosis I suffer from daily.

Which is why I do and say things to make people laugh, like random outbursts, waffling on about strange stories and generally try to be 'normal' but I can't be 'normal'.

My boyfriend knows about all this, he had a feeling I had underlying problems apart from the depression and anxiety. I'm so glad I have someone in the same boat as me, as he has aspergers and high functioning autism also. So we can talk things out with a little more understanding between us.

I'm also thankful to all my friends, watchers and comments that help me through the daily pain of just being a misunderstood grumpy old lion/werewolf.

I've been like this as long as I can remember...

So thank you all.