Original txt somehow threw itself into a pit of death so it's rtf I know that's not exactly right
I guess until thursday I'll keep updating this with whatever revisions I can muster, that way whatever finished product shows up on the turn in date is halfway decent.
I can tell it's bad trust me, but it sparked a fun idea for a story. Agent Reed Thomas, a grizzled detective is assigned to a case involving the mass abduction of children. Eva Asif is a mental patient, sent to asylum by her loving father due to the proposterous stories of her 12 year dissapearance. The two are united and soon find themselves in an embroiled battle between genetic engineering corporations and those who believe identity will be lost somewhere in translation to another body. At first I planned on having the character's become heroes, saviours of the struggle, but found that if in the end the corporation wins, and they just play a major role, it would be much more interesting. Not to mention I found an added conflict where the runaway's are not justified in their hate for society.
I guess until thursday I'll keep updating this with whatever revisions I can muster, that way whatever finished product shows up on the turn in date is halfway decent.
I can tell it's bad trust me, but it sparked a fun idea for a story. Agent Reed Thomas, a grizzled detective is assigned to a case involving the mass abduction of children. Eva Asif is a mental patient, sent to asylum by her loving father due to the proposterous stories of her 12 year dissapearance. The two are united and soon find themselves in an embroiled battle between genetic engineering corporations and those who believe identity will be lost somewhere in translation to another body. At first I planned on having the character's become heroes, saviours of the struggle, but found that if in the end the corporation wins, and they just play a major role, it would be much more interesting. Not to mention I found an added conflict where the runaway's are not justified in their hate for society.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 6.7 kB
Interesting. You write good. But still, I had a bit difficulties to follow the story. The story isn't bad, as such, there's just so little to grasp. I am intrigued by the characters and the things they mentioned in their conversation, so the story actually awoke more questions than it answered. Anyway, good effort, I was intrigued. Nice little piece, even if a bit difficult for me.
Okay, I'm already seeing a really really big problem here with your writing: WAY too many apologies. Don't worry if you don't stun us all with Shakespearean prose right from day one. The prompts are a learning exercise. You're supposed to come in with issues, and hopefully learn from them as you go.
Calm down a little, and welcome to the prompt! We only bite if you steal our cookies.
Calm down a little, and welcome to the prompt! We only bite if you steal our cookies.
FA+

Comments