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Advanced Writing:
Writing INTERNAL CONFLICTNote: this is how the professional authors do it. That doesn't mean YOU have to. As with all advice, take what you can use and throw out the rest.
The scene…
~~~~~~~~~~~~
His lips drifted across hers in a warm caress. His hand pressed at waist, the heat of his palm warming her flesh through her corset underlying the deep blood silk gown. His fingers drifted upward, toward her breast.
Desire pulsed within her core, in time with her heart. She wanted to let him tear the red silk from her body, and bury himself in her flesh, but set her palm over his to stop him just below her breast. He was a vampire and she, a mere mortal. The fear in her soul told her to stop, and yet her body begged for his mouth on her flesh. I am overcome, overcome by a desire I know only he can satisfy... He fired her blood more than any other man.
She turned away from his kiss. “Please, I can’t.”
His gaze narrowed, then he smiled. “Why? Why deny your desire?”
She stepped from his embrace and clasped her hands before her. “Forgive me, but I want to live.”
He moved closer, to stand but a breath away. “Are you quite sure?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, I know, it’s a bit over the top. Anyway… What we have here is a potentially hot scene brewing with a nice little Internal Conflict, but everything seems a little muddied. What’s wrong?
This scene’s Internal Conflict is Out of Chronological Sequence! "What the heck does that mean?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chronological sequence is the order in which things actually happen.
1. Something the size of a fist hits your head.
2. The impact knocks you flat on the ground.
3. You sit up from the ground and shake you head wondering what the heck just happened.
4. PAIN!
5. Wincing, you look around for the cause and find a baseball.
6. Guessing what happened, you go looking for the culprits.
When stories are NOT written in the correct order that events actually happen, the reader gets confused. Make a story too difficult to read and they'll go read someone else.
The Chronological Order of INTERNAL CONFLICT!
1) SHOW the Conflict.
2) Tell WHAT is in Conflict.
3) Tell WHY it’s in Conflict.
4) Resolve the Conflict. 1) Show them that there is a Conflict.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Show them, through the ACTIONS & Dialogue of your characters, that there is a conflict happening. This is pure showing – all action.
2) Tell them WHAT is in Conflict.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a statement, TELLING the reader, through internal narration or dialogue, exactly what is battling with what, within the character. Want verses want. Is it their heart verses their body? Their good sense verses their desire? Their career verses their heart’s desire? Love for one verses lust for the other?
3) Tell them WHY it’s in conflict – what is at stake?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is another statement, internally or through dialogue, telling the reader exactly what is at stake. Pile on the reasons, both pro and con. “I can’t do this, because…but I want to, because…”
To make the most tension, state the Con first and then the Pro.
4) Resolve the Conflict
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make an Internal decision, and then have the character ACT on that decision.
Scene OVERHAUL!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When in doubt of ANY scene – pull it apart, sentence by sentence:
HIS initiating Actions:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• His lips drifted across hers in a warm caress.
• His hand pressed at waist, the heat of his palm warming her flesh through her corset underlying the deep blood silk gown.
• His fingers drifted upward, toward her breast.
HER Reactions:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Desire pulsed within her core, in time with her heart.
• She wanted to let him tear the red silk from her body, and bury himself in her flesh, but set her palm over his to stop him just below her breast.
• He was a vampire and she, a mere mortal.
• The fear in her soul told her to stop, and yet her body begged for his mouth on her flesh.
• I am overcome, overcome by a desire I know only he can satisfy...
• He fired her blood more than any other man.
• She turned away from his kiss. “Please, I can’t.”
His following Action:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• His gaze narrowed, then he smiled.
• “Why? Why deny your desire?”
Her following Reaction:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• She stepped from his embrace and clasped her hands before her.
• “Forgive me, but I want to live.”
His Initiating Action:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• He moved closer, to stand but a breath away.
• “Are you quite sure?”
Actual order of events:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) He kissed her.
2) She reacted, and wanted more.
3) She had reasons to resist. (Internal CONFLICT!)
4) She resisted.
5) He sought to reestablish contact.
6) She resisted.
7) Closing
1) He kissed her.
(The sentences that belong to this event:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• He kissed her.
• His lips drifted across hers in a warm caress.
• His hand pressed at waist, the heat of his palm warming her flesh through her corset underlying the deep blood silk gown.
• His fingers drifted upward, toward her breast.
In proper Sequence:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His lips drifted across hers in a warm caress. His hand pressed at waist, the heat of his palm warming her flesh through her corset underlying the deep blood silk gown. His fingers drifted upward, toward her breast.
2) She reacted, and wanted more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Desire pulsed within her core, in time with her heart.
• I am overcome, overcome by a desire I know only he can satisfy...
• He fired her blood more than any other man.
In proper Sequence:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Desire pulsed within her core, in time with her heart. He fired her blood more than any other man. I am overcome, overcome by a desire I know only he can satisfy...
3) She had reasons to resist ~ CONFLICT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• She wanted to let him tear the red silk from her body, and bury himself in her flesh, but set her palm over his to stop him just below her breast.
• He was a vampire and she, a mere mortal.
• The fear in her soul told her to stop, and yet her body begged for his mouth on her flesh.
1) SHOW the Conflict.
2) Tell WHAT is in Conflict.
3) Tell WHY it’s in Conflict.
4) Resolve the Conflict. 1) SHOW the Conflict.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She wanted to let him tear the red silk from her body, and bury himself in her flesh, but set her palm over his to stop him just below her breast.
2) Tell WHAT is in Conflict?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her body begged for his mouth on her flesh, and yet, the fear in her soul told her to stop.
3) Tell WHY it’s in conflict. What is at stake?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was a vampire and she, a mere mortal.
4) Resolve the conflict.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Oh, no! There’s nothing to put here! So, add something, right here to state her decision.)
Yes, she wanted him, but death was simply to high a price to pay for his embrace.
In proper Sequence:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her body begged for his mouth on her flesh, and yet, the fear in her soul told her to stop. She wanted to let him tear the red silk from her body, and bury himself in her flesh, but set her palm over his to stop him just below her breast. He was a vampire and she, a mere mortal. Yes, she wanted him, but death was simply to high a price to pay.
4) She resisted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She turned away from his kiss. “Please, no.”
5) He sought to reestablish contact.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His gaze narrowed, then he smiled. “Why? Why deny your desire?”
6) She resisted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She stepped from his embrace and clasped her hands before her. “Forgive me, but I want to live.”
7) Closing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He moved closer, to stand but a breath away. “Are you quite sure?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don’t forget! -- No matter what, both Internalization and Dialogue happens AFTER Physical Reactions. ACTION always precedes COMMENT. The body reacts faster than thoughts or comments. Ask any martial artist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ADJUSTED into Proper Sequence:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His lips drifted across hers in a warm caress. His hand pressed at waist, the heat of his palm warming her flesh through her corset underlying the deep blood silk gown. His fingers drifted upward, toward her breast.
Desire pulsed within her core, in time with her heart. He fired her blood more than any other man. I am overcome, overcome by a desire I know only he can satisfy... Her body begged for his mouth on her flesh, and yet, the fear in her soul told her to stop. She wanted to let him tear the red silk from her body, and bury himself in her flesh, but set her palm over his to stop him just below her breast. He was a vampire and she, a mere mortal. Yes, she wanted him, but death was simply to high a price to pay.
She turned away from his kiss. “Please, no.”
His gaze narrowed, then he smiled. “Why? Why deny your desire?”
She stepped from his embrace and clasped her hands before her. “Forgive me, but I want to live.”
He moved closer, to stand but a breath away. “Are you quite sure?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Conclusion:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Violating chronological order is a Very Bad idea, even in something as simple as an argument.
If the actions are out of order, the reader’s Mental Movie STOPS because you just confused your reader. This means that the reader has to Re-Read that sequence until they can figure out what the heck just happened in order to get their mental movie playing again.
Making the story hard for the reader to PICTURE -- is a VERY Bad Idea. Anytime the reader has to STOP to rearrange the words to FIT their mental movie, you’ve made a break. Breaks are BAD – very, very bad! A break creates a moment where the reader can STOP READING your story, and start reading something else -- and possibly never look at you again.
Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCLAIMER: As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ookami Kasumi
http://ookami-kasumi.livejournal.com/
Category Story / Tutorials
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 73.5 kB
Listed in Folders
although i daresay chronological order holds for just about any sequence, conflict, or vignette - unless one is deliberately teasing the reader or otherwise breaking the typical rules of authorship for effect - and not merely with internal conflict. Perhaps it's just that, in your experience, authors tend to get more caught up with cause and effect in mental sequences than physical?
Cheers,
OT
Cheers,
OT
"...in your experience, authors tend to get more caught up with cause and effect in mental sequences than physical?"
Exactly. I see an awful lot of stories where what's going on in the mind or heart is the ONLY thing written into a scene. What they may not realize is just how BORING mental mastication can get if nothing else is happening to break it up.
The mental movie image just disappears in favor of a soundtrack. Also known as INFO-DUMPING. I tend to skip those in favor of 'what happened next.'
Even worse is when the events that were supposed to be happening during the 'angst' is listed AFTER. It takes about three or four rereads to sort what was thought when to affect what action they took where -- making for VERY tedious reading.
Exactly. I see an awful lot of stories where what's going on in the mind or heart is the ONLY thing written into a scene. What they may not realize is just how BORING mental mastication can get if nothing else is happening to break it up.
The mental movie image just disappears in favor of a soundtrack. Also known as INFO-DUMPING. I tend to skip those in favor of 'what happened next.'
Even worse is when the events that were supposed to be happening during the 'angst' is listed AFTER. It takes about three or four rereads to sort what was thought when to affect what action they took where -- making for VERY tedious reading.
PS: When head-hopping is tossed in and BOTH characters are mentally masticating it gets hideously confusing.
That's the main reason why I won't read a story that head-hops. It's too much damned work to sort out who thought/felt what plus who did what just so I can find out what the heck going on.
That's the main reason why I won't read a story that head-hops. It's too much damned work to sort out who thought/felt what plus who did what just so I can find out what the heck going on.
"...in your experience, authors tend to get more caught up with cause and effect in mental sequences than physical?"
Exactly. I see an awful lot of stories where what's going on in the mind or heart is the ONLY thing written into a scene. What they may not realize is just how BORING mental mastication can get if nothing else is happening to break it up.
The mental movie image just disappears in favor of a soundtrack. Also known as INFO-DUMPING. I tend to skip those in favor of 'what happened next.'
Even worse is when the events that were supposed to be happening during the 'angst' is listed AFTER. It takes about three or four rereads to sort what was thought when to affect what action they took where -- making for VERY tedious reading.
Exactly. I see an awful lot of stories where what's going on in the mind or heart is the ONLY thing written into a scene. What they may not realize is just how BORING mental mastication can get if nothing else is happening to break it up.
The mental movie image just disappears in favor of a soundtrack. Also known as INFO-DUMPING. I tend to skip those in favor of 'what happened next.'
Even worse is when the events that were supposed to be happening during the 'angst' is listed AFTER. It takes about three or four rereads to sort what was thought when to affect what action they took where -- making for VERY tedious reading.
A lot of people think that piling on the ANGST means piling on the internal conflict. That's just not true. What they're piling on is BOREDOM. One can only moan about the cold cruel world so long before the readers gets sick of it. I mean seriously - DO something already!
Vampire stories were Originally awesome because they were Horror stories. Sex was SCARY back in the Victorian era and ANY story with sex in it ended badly, especially for the female.
In the average Vampire Romance all the horror has been pretty much erased which killed all the awesome too.
Vampire stories were Originally awesome because they were Horror stories. Sex was SCARY back in the Victorian era and ANY story with sex in it ended badly, especially for the female.
In the average Vampire Romance all the horror has been pretty much erased which killed all the awesome too.
Yeah, its prettymuch guilt, 'cause its Sci-Fi where six-year-olds were taken away from their families on human colonies to become super-soldiers, and the Doctor's all like "I CONDEMNED THESE CHILDREN TO DIE I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON YET I LOVE THEM." But the action was awesome.
And I prefer the awesome vampires like in Nosferatu and I Am Legend.
And I prefer the awesome vampires like in Nosferatu and I Am Legend.
"I CONDEMNED THESE CHILDREN TO DIE I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON YET I LOVE THEM."
Oh yeah, that can get tedious after a while.
My favorite vampire story is a movie: "Shadow of the Vampire," a fictionalization about the making of the first Vampire movie, 'Nosferatu'. It was extremely funny and seriously frightening at the same time. I've yet to see a more perfect blend of humor and horror.
Oh yeah, that can get tedious after a while.
My favorite vampire story is a movie: "Shadow of the Vampire," a fictionalization about the making of the first Vampire movie, 'Nosferatu'. It was extremely funny and seriously frightening at the same time. I've yet to see a more perfect blend of humor and horror.
Yes it is, especially since the very first vampire story to become famous was written by a sexually repressed doctor at the turn of the century -- and I Don't mean Bram Stoker!
The first gothic vampire story in English was The Vampyre, written by Dr. Polidori. He very obviously inspired Bram Stoker's Dracula and was also was plagiarized by Lord Byron.
The first gothic vampire story in English was The Vampyre, written by Dr. Polidori. He very obviously inspired Bram Stoker's Dracula and was also was plagiarized by Lord Byron.
and offer a clarification.
It's not about how you should or shouldn't write - it's about how the [b]reader interacts with the text[\b], and how the author intends the reader to interact with the text. When the two are in conflict - the text isn't doing the job the author hoped for.
The goal is to align them. If, for some reason, you want to mystify and confuse the reader and make her walk away from the text ... well, here's a good way to do it!
Cheers,
OT
It's not about how you should or shouldn't write - it's about how the [b]reader interacts with the text[\b], and how the author intends the reader to interact with the text. When the two are in conflict - the text isn't doing the job the author hoped for.
The goal is to align them. If, for some reason, you want to mystify and confuse the reader and make her walk away from the text ... well, here's a good way to do it!
Cheers,
OT
Telling someone merely that did something wrong only pisses them off - out of frustration. As far as they knew, they did it right, so how could it be wrong?
SHOWING them not only WHAT was wrong, but WHY it was wrong, and how to FIX it, not Only gives the writer a chance to adjust it, it gives the writer a lot more control over what they want their text to convey to the reader.
SHOWING them not only WHAT was wrong, but WHY it was wrong, and how to FIX it, not Only gives the writer a chance to adjust it, it gives the writer a lot more control over what they want their text to convey to the reader.
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