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Ryuu Journals: Entry # 6 Good times and the bad
Well it was my second week at Job Corps. and class was going great. We were learning how to function properly as a team for when we have to on the job.
The first drawing is a record of how I learned to remember my fellow peers. I was able to connect faces with names and it feels great to know who's who, ya know?
The left drawing under the top represents the great moment of when a cool girl by the name of Ashleigh invited me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. I normally sit alone which is what I've done most of my years of grade school.
The bottom left was of the sad news of when Ashleigh decided to leave Job Corps. not to retern. I wont put her business out there without her conscent but I was really shocked and upset about it because apart from her friend Brandi, she was the only one I talked to and had fun around. I kind of took a liking to her as I found out when another girl asked me if I liked her and that's when it hit me. Then she advised that I should tell her, but I only knew her for a week (also my confidence isn't that high yet). I'm not a fast person so it takes longer than that for me to try and be really close although she was really nice and we had some things in common (one big one being that we both draw {we've done collabs twice before}).
The tall drawing on the right was when the dance crew performed at the talent show and it was so...so I can't think of the word but the energy that I felt from the surrounding audience as they cheered and turning from "quiet guy in the back" to "Mr. Center of attention" (well almost center of attention) was so exciting, what a thrill.
The first drawing is a record of how I learned to remember my fellow peers. I was able to connect faces with names and it feels great to know who's who, ya know?
The left drawing under the top represents the great moment of when a cool girl by the name of Ashleigh invited me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. I normally sit alone which is what I've done most of my years of grade school.
The bottom left was of the sad news of when Ashleigh decided to leave Job Corps. not to retern. I wont put her business out there without her conscent but I was really shocked and upset about it because apart from her friend Brandi, she was the only one I talked to and had fun around. I kind of took a liking to her as I found out when another girl asked me if I liked her and that's when it hit me. Then she advised that I should tell her, but I only knew her for a week (also my confidence isn't that high yet). I'm not a fast person so it takes longer than that for me to try and be really close although she was really nice and we had some things in common (one big one being that we both draw {we've done collabs twice before}).
The tall drawing on the right was when the dance crew performed at the talent show and it was so...so I can't think of the word but the energy that I felt from the surrounding audience as they cheered and turning from "quiet guy in the back" to "Mr. Center of attention" (well almost center of attention) was so exciting, what a thrill.
Category Artwork (Traditional) / General Furry Art
Species Wolf
Size 963 x 1280px
File Size 792.2 kB
Thanks a lot!
She left during winter break. We exchanged emails but I never heard from her again. After all that... I can't help but wonder how she felt. I mean I was fine with us being cool friends and all, it's just a thought.
I realized that I have failed to mention the good times I've spent with Ashleigh and Brandi but I'll never forget them as I am here on center. This place does nothing but remind me of her too much. Makes me want to leave.
She left during winter break. We exchanged emails but I never heard from her again. After all that... I can't help but wonder how she felt. I mean I was fine with us being cool friends and all, it's just a thought.
I realized that I have failed to mention the good times I've spent with Ashleigh and Brandi but I'll never forget them as I am here on center. This place does nothing but remind me of her too much. Makes me want to leave.
It's feelings like this that had me thinking I was better off staying to myself. I mean by having nothing to lose. I hate feeling like this and when someone I am friends with just drops out of sight never to be heard from really makes me upset. There's no telling what may have happened. If I never hear from her again, I'll probably have it on my mind for the rest of my life.
I can't help but feel that it was my fault and that I could have prevented her from leaving or at least letting her know that I enjoyed her company. Something told me that I would have something to regret if I didn't speak to her before she left and now it's just eating away at me.
I promise if I had another chance I wouldn't be so shy as to expressing myself 100% no matter who it is I'm interacting with.
I can't help but feel that it was my fault and that I could have prevented her from leaving or at least letting her know that I enjoyed her company. Something told me that I would have something to regret if I didn't speak to her before she left and now it's just eating away at me.
I promise if I had another chance I wouldn't be so shy as to expressing myself 100% no matter who it is I'm interacting with.
You still have her email, right? Send her an email, letting her know what you've just told me. Wouldn't hurt anybody, and it might help that gnawing feeling you're experiencing.
You don't have to apologize for being shy, hun, it's your nature, and nobody is saying it's a bad thing.
You don't have to apologize for being shy, hun, it's your nature, and nobody is saying it's a bad thing.
I may be a little afraid to mention to her but I will give it a try since the part of me that misses her is stronger than that feeling of shy.
I'm not sure and you could be right but thinking about the people I could have hurt or turned away from me because I wouldn't return what they gave to me. I don't think she knew that I enjoyed having her around.
I mean even though I enjoyed having her around and things, I still shyed away from her at times and acted like a robot and that's the part of myself that I hate because it's consuming my whole being.
I'm sorry that I am shy, I know this and I haven't changed it yet and not that I haven't tried because I really do but I still have days where I revert back to acting as if I don't know anyone. If only I was as expressive as I am in my drawings and online..I don't know, maybe I'd be a better person and feel better about myself and have more friends.
That's what got to me when you were gone for a while.
I'm not sure and you could be right but thinking about the people I could have hurt or turned away from me because I wouldn't return what they gave to me. I don't think she knew that I enjoyed having her around.
I mean even though I enjoyed having her around and things, I still shyed away from her at times and acted like a robot and that's the part of myself that I hate because it's consuming my whole being.
I'm sorry that I am shy, I know this and I haven't changed it yet and not that I haven't tried because I really do but I still have days where I revert back to acting as if I don't know anyone. If only I was as expressive as I am in my drawings and online..I don't know, maybe I'd be a better person and feel better about myself and have more friends.
That's what got to me when you were gone for a while.
I wish you all the luck in the world when you do email.
It's hard, to let yourself be... you. I know that sounds odd, but I think it works here. You're putting up a wall, a very autonomous wall, to shield yourself. From what, I really don't know. Maybe because you're afraid of feeling for someone, afraid that they might hurt you... Dunno.
Hun, you didn't chase me away, and if you think you did, I'm going to bite you. I had a lot of shit happen all at once, and I didn't want any contact with anything for a little while. That's all. I missed you all much, but I couldn't even face myself in the mirror, let alone a screen.
It's hard, to let yourself be... you. I know that sounds odd, but I think it works here. You're putting up a wall, a very autonomous wall, to shield yourself. From what, I really don't know. Maybe because you're afraid of feeling for someone, afraid that they might hurt you... Dunno.
Hun, you didn't chase me away, and if you think you did, I'm going to bite you. I had a lot of shit happen all at once, and I didn't want any contact with anything for a little while. That's all. I missed you all much, but I couldn't even face myself in the mirror, let alone a screen.
Thanks for I know I will need it.
Doesn't sound odd at all. In fact, that's the case exactly. I am sure now because that's what I told my councler and he saw it too. I just have to find a way to go forward without moving backwards.
Not exactly that I thought I chased you away but I did feel really bad because I didn't know what was going on with you. Sometimes I tend to think of the worst at times. I guess that sounds really silly. My sign explains me exactly. I am definately stubborn and other things..
I was glad to find out you were alright.
Doesn't sound odd at all. In fact, that's the case exactly. I am sure now because that's what I told my councler and he saw it too. I just have to find a way to go forward without moving backwards.
Not exactly that I thought I chased you away but I did feel really bad because I didn't know what was going on with you. Sometimes I tend to think of the worst at times. I guess that sounds really silly. My sign explains me exactly. I am definately stubborn and other things..
I was glad to find out you were alright.
I found it hard to be me when I moved. It finally dawned on me that regardless of if I get hurt, I need to make me happy, and if being around people makes me happy, then dangitall, I'm going to do it! It's something that you have to force yourself through, I think. There were many times I sat in the corner of the room and said nothing to anybody, but looking back on it later, I realized how unhappy I was in the corner. I started forcing myself to say at least "hello" to people. It backfired a few times, and I've been hurt before, but I just keep that thought in my mind that I love being around people, it makes me happy.
*nodnod* I understand you. I don't think you were the only one worried.
*nodnod* I understand you. I don't think you were the only one worried.
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