you never really know what lies beneath another's skin, you never know why a person acts the way they do, the way the think and feel, i for one am a often misunderstood type of person, i honestly understand why, my personality is complex in ways that sometimes even i dont understand. ive been doing some soul searching, as i often do, and i realized, im not a very happy person, i can often be depressed, upset, aloof and not very friendly, but thats only on the outside, thats not what lies at my core, ive discovered what lies at the center of my heart is joy, or more of less, the desire for joy, and it makes me sad when i realize that i am not happy as my heart desires, which builds upon the original saddness, which creates depression, *sigh* i can only be joyful when im happy, but it makes me sad when im not happy, which makes me even sadder, i just wish i could stay happy... a heart desires what it wants, but just because its the desire, does not mean you always have it. i often find myself sad because in the world we live in, you are pretty much required to have friends to be happy, yet i have a hard time having friends, either i dont feel welcome, or i fear leaving my hiding place, i hate being in groups i dont feel invited into, i learned in my childhood that it is not a good idea to be places you arent invited and you cannot invite yourself, i have strong empathy and can tell how people feel about me, i cant go places im not wanted or excepted for who i am, it brings me no joy, its very hard for me, joy is what i seek yet i have so little that i can find it

follow your heart's desire, and if you cant like me, learn how