329 – Tommy Shellshock

Tommy Shellshock wears a photograph of his long lost mother around his neck to remind him, at all times, of what he lost. Such behavior is considered blasphemous by the Church of the Unseen Mother Who Watches Over Us All, as is any recognition of earthly mothers.* As such Tommy Shellshock remains on the church’s list of Accursed, even after his disappearance in 1926 after a visit by the Dapper Lads. Low-level acolytes of the church often express confusion as to why Tommy’s name was never removed to the list. He is Reinhoffer-Ootz type #6B: Twilighter.

Rumors abound that Tommy Shellshock may still adhere to the cult of Rapscallius. Rapscallius worship began to decline in Garbagetown urchins in the late 1920s, following the supposed death of Rapscallius — the announcement of Rapscallius’ death is usually attributed to the Straggletag, but there’s no evidence that the Straggletag was actually involved — and the later public apostacy of Lil’ Ragamuffin in smashing her Rapscallius talisman possum skull.

The Reinhoffer-Ootz urchin classification system was named for its developers Gisela Reinhoffer (1810-1873), esteemed professor emeritus of Urchinological Studies at the University of Jinantonic and Matrushka Ootz (1843-1901), graduate student, who first used it in their landmark survey of Dickensian mudlarks in Rats’ Castle, London (1868). The Rats’ Castle survey has been criticized by subsequent urchin scholars as “incomplete”, “inaccurate” and “unverifiable as Reinhoffer and Ootz relied extensively on a single source for their description of urchin society, a noseless albino urchin named Pale Vivian, whose elaborate tales of high urchinry have never been corroborated.” (Rats’ Castle Reconsidered, D.E. Holt (1954) ). Even so, it remains our best resource for understanding the history of high urchinry.

That’s it! NO MORE URCHINS. Thank goodness, that was harder work than I’d expected. And hard work is something I try to avoid!



*The church schismed in 1917 over the question of whether recognition of earthly fathers is acceptable.