I was sitting in the ops room at 2/566th at McNamara, just polishing off hour 18 of the 24 hour stand-to. Nominally that means answering the phone in case the President calls someone saying someone's gotta tell someone ELSE we gotta make a jump, but all that was happening that night was that McClusky kept playing with his nuts and I figured I was running out of bennies. Then this goddamn brick shithouse of a captain walks in and snaps his fingers and says RYKERDS YOU HAD COMBAT JUMPS YES and I snapped to and said I GUESS SO SIR and he said WERE YOU IN THE GAME? and I said I WENT TO MALARIA AND ALL I GOT WAS ANGOLA and before I could drop the damn salute they shoved me on a fucking C-141 off to goddamn Germany. I land in fucking Baumholder with orders saying I'm supposed to help prep a fucking hobnob and possible re-deployment to the barracks for the fuckin' battalion, but I get to ops and ask where I'm supposed to go. 'Parently the ops manager there said I was wearing the wrong cammies. Fuck me if I knew, but apparently Angola-Brown ERDLS were incorrect, so they sent me to the dump to pick up some new ones. Fucking quartermaster says they don't have any of the new Lime-Greens in my height, so they'll have to look through their back catalog. Ended up with one with two right arms. Went back to quartermaster and he gets all upset at me for not telling him I don't have two right arms, so he dresses me down and then I go back to barracks ops, and they say my cammies don't match my ID so I have to go back and get that redone, so they shoved me on a fucking bus all the way across base. I hadn't eaten at that point and I'm super jetlagged from going from fucking Kansas to Germany on two minutes notice, but at least I'm shaved- I get to IDs and Awards and the fat fuck running the computer says I have to be wearing the Angola-Green T-shirt and the lime green cammies, and then gets mad when I tell him I don't have the t-shirt anymore. So they sent me BACK to the Exchange to get some new shit, and take the bus BACK to IDs and Awards, but then they tell me that since I'm just getting a redone picture I need to get permission from my unit commander. He's back in fucking Kansas. So they call him up and tell him what's going on, and he drops this horseshit that I never got an official transfer off of desk duty, so I've been AWOL for the past 13 hours, and some fucker didn't wake McClusky and they found my yo-yo and my bubble gum under the damn desk. So I'm gonna get fucking chewed out. Then I had to ask him permission to get my photo redone, and he said he didn't care if I shoved the photo up my ass. IDs and Awards then said they were shutting down for the night, but I could get it done first thing in the morning. 'Cept without getting my ID, I couldn't check into the barracks. I asked about presenting orders, but since I never left McNamara, I apparently never reached Baumholder, at least not until they got my ID done. So I spent the night sleeping on the floor outside their office and got my ID done, and then finally reported to the barracks and they said they called off the hobnob, and if anything the 566th was going to get sent to Washington for a bit before being sent to Germany, so they wanted me back on the first C-141 straight back to Kansas as soon as I could arrange transport.

And that's why my ID looks like I'm drunk, sir.