310 – Beware the Snatchengrabber 6


This is a true story, by the way. I mean, I changed the name, but this is an actual teacher I had back in high school. It wasn’t just that he was a skeev that annoyed me so much at the time, but more that he was so dishonest about the game being rigged. He always tried to act like he was your pal and you were letting him down when you didn’t meet his oh-so-high expectations, but then he’d always tweak the rules for the students that struck his creepy old man fancy. Abbey is channeling a lot of my old feelings about that injustice.

I had another teacher who would pull out this old record player every so often, play some weird old 1940s show tune record, and instruct the class to write an essay about how the music was “like honey.” According to some people I knew, he always did this the day after he got laid. I can’t confirm that, BUT he did it twice over the course of my tenth grade year.

I was a fairly good student back in primary school, but I don’t recall ever liking school very much.

Speaking of bizarre sexual deviants, I might be quiet the next couple days because I’ll be away, tabling at Further Confusion in San Jose. I’ll be at Table 15: Furry Found Footage in the marketplace, so, if you happen to also be there, stop by and see me. I’ll have lots of stupid VHS garbage for your perusal, as well as comics — including the collected, paper version of the Firebrat Christmas story AND the first two volumes of Your Guide to Child Eating Monsters. And if you don’t feel like buying anything, just come and say hi. I always like saying hi to people! I plan to be less hung over while on the job this year.

OH and even more important, Saturday night at 10 p.m. in the Almaden Room will be the Furry Found Footage panel with me and Aurelina, where we’ll SHOW you some of our best found VHS garbage. You know you want to see it.