this is rad

The turnout is great but it requires so much work. :P I would do something like this again if it wasn't so hard...

heh, when i make collages it take me anywhere from one to six hours :P but i love it

the realistic pictures I do take hours and hours. Pretty much anything I put effort into takes hours... but the realistic ones take the most time...

realistic ones? i would like to see some of the fantasy ones ;D

I draw mutant food does that count?? :P

oh, haha, i thought you were talking about collages, but yeah, mutant food sure does count ;)

Hm. Interesting idea. That's a good story, course her step-sisters were bitches to Cinderella cause they thought they were better than her, which were only fooling themselves. They were ugly in truth, kinda sad she was beautiful and they didn't let her do much outside the house.

Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale. Right now I don't remember y. Maybe in some way I can relate to the story...

Huh? In what way do you relate to it?

feeling left out possibly. And trapped, pushed around, but in the end everything turns out ok.

Aw...I'm sorry to hear that. Just out of curiousity. Do you get depressed sometimes? Being I have bipolar, I know what it's like to have it. I have a specialized psycholoigist, which I've been with for 10+ years. Had him since I was a kid. Anywho, what kind of meds do you take for it? I take Depakote and Risperdal. Depakote for mood swings and risperal I...think it's for anger issues. Oh man, I remember the bad memories of beating up pets we had. Sometimes I would think about it and feel bad about the animals. Course I didn't do it intentaly. Just had a chemical imbalance, that would throw me into a rage about something stupid. I remember you said you would get upset about dumb things like I just said I would. Anywho, don't feel bad, maybe you're not getting the proper doseage or the right meds. How long have you had the doctor you have?

I have Cyclothymic disorder, a mild form of bipolar. Bipolar the mood swings happens once every few days. Mine, happens several times throughout the day!
I have been w/ the psycholoigist for almost a year. I take Lamictal, a mood stabilizer. It's the worst in the winter. I seem to b more depressed in the winter, and more hyper in the summer. I like my doc and all, but I don't like pills being shoved down my throat. I'm taking one med already shouldn't that b enough?

*sigh*. My older brother has Borderline Personally Disorder. If you are not familier with it, basicly they think in black and white alot, and they are very paronoid. My brother can't be in a parking lot w/o thinking people are talking about him. Anywho, he used to take meds and...well they didn't work out too well for him. So, I guess you can say he's tramatized by pills. Thinks they are his enemy. He tells me things about how bad my pills are for me. Course I know better and ignore him, cause if I didn't take my pills, I would probably get thrown in jail for doing something crazy. *mumbles fuck under his breath* I didn't want to tell you this, but I guess what the hell if you will understand me better. I was 16 years old and I was in my room, I asked my brother if he was to do something together. And he asked me what it was, I asked do you want me to suck your dick. *sigh* (I know this is really horrible to tell you, but...seeing as I feel like talking about it, and wanting to get it off my chest.) He agreed and...anyway don't want to get into it. Then I did this crap for a while and my mom had walked in on me talking about this stuff when I was in my room. I remember when she said. Get the hell away from him. Btw I also wanted to say my mom also has Borderline Personality Disorder like my older brother. Anyway, I finally decided this crap couldn't go on any longer, so I asked my dad for counsling to get help, course he didn't know why I had asked for counsling. He told me he had thought I wanted it cause at the time my dad divorced my mom. Long sorry short, he was miserable living with my mom, considering she had that disorder. He had tried to get her help, but she would only refuse it. My dad has been a family and marriage christian counsler for many years, to be exact 20+ years. Anywho, I was in a session with my counsler and I told her what I had done to my younger brother and she told me, "I'm sorry I have to report this. If I don't I could lose my job, part of my job description." But after that, things went snowballing down a very steep hill. I had to go to a guy that would investigate what I had done, so when I had to talk to him, I remember he specificly told me to tell him nothing, that he didn't want to help, he was only after evideance I might spill. Too bad I wasn't listen to him when he told me that, and had hoped he could help, since he told me he could. After I had told him what he wanted to know, he told my dad he was talking the evidance he gathered and reporting it to the police. Then a couple of months after this, I had an incident with my dad and I hadn't taken my meds the night before and well...I had gone balistic on my dad. But before I had, he was giving me two options. Either go to school or go to a mental hospital. Btw I had told my dad some time ago that I had wanted to die, and this scared him so he called a police officer to have her talk to me. But the sad thing was I had been on a manic eposide and I wasn't going to listen. So when I had decided to beat up my dad, he got very scared, (I'm sure he wouldn't have known what to do if my doctor hadn't told him to call the police some time in the past, reason he told him that was, when you're on a manic phase you can either go suicidal or homicide.) And well my dad made the decision to call the police, I tried to stop him from making the call. Man I remember I had smashed through a wooden door of my parents room to stop him from making the call, after I had realized he had made the call I tried to run. My dad saw this and chased after me into the backyard and tackled me to the ground. I tried to fight him off me, but he was a huge man and strong even for an older guy (I think he was 47 at the time). And it was futile. He got me and the cops ran into my house and threw handcuffs on me. And were taking me into their car. I also remember fighting the cops on the way there and they were even threating to mac me if I wouldn't cooperate, all I said was, "I don't care". Then the whole thing about this that I remember most about this whole incident was, that as I was being pulled into the car, I had cried out to my dad saying, "Please help me!" I bet he felt crushed about having to do that to me. Sorry I'm starting to tear up as I'm typing here. Anyway, I had gone to juvie and had to saw in there for 13 months. ( I counted it down as I was in there). Even as an 18 year old they still wanted to keep me in that place, so they put me into a chamber where I would be alone for 3 weeks. ( I remember having nothing to do but throw a tennis ball at the wall and play with a plush AFLAC duck that my dad had gave to me.) After I was released from there I was tranfered to a Mental hospital for 3 months to be kept an eye on for observation. I remember one night as I was sleeping a crazy guy had started peeing in the room. He was aiming under my bed. I had cried out in shock of him doing that. I had to deal with some crazy things in that place. After the 3 months were over they could't keep me any longer so...finally released me to my dad. Man so much had changed since I was gone. My 4 sibling had grown on me and things in the houses my two parents had been living in were different. I also had to take different kinds of meds they found out would work on me since they had me in the juvie place, when they found out I had Aspergers and Bipolar. Anyway, that was a horrible moment of my life. But the thing that made it really sad was, as I was in the mental hospital my grandfather had died of lung cancer and the mental hospital had to give my parents permission to let me go to the funeral. I remember, sorry at this point I have tears flowing from my eyes, I had wanted to see my grandfather's body and, so at the funeral my dad had opened the coffin and I had seen a pale white version of my grandfather. Unforantly when they had done chemo theapry on him this had happened to him and his hair was gone. I think about it now, and wonder. Why did he have to die such a horrible way. I had found out he was a great man. He owned 5 car dealerships and dispite his riches, he had given to the community and people loved him. I remember a lot of people had come to his funeral. And even Avery Jhonson was there. (basketball player btw, him and his wife loved basketball). Anyway the sad thing was we never got to know him. He didn't spend much time with us. Even on family gathering he wouldn't be there, he would be busy at work. I would give anything to see him again. Man my nose is running and tears coming out. I just wish it could have been different for us and him. I guess what I'm trying to say from all this crap I've told you is, please take your meds, it may seem weird, but it is a miracle, think of what could happen if you didn't. Just be glad you can take meds.

I am taking something, and it helps for 90% of it. I'm just getting really hyper a lot right now. The manic of the disorder basically. But I'll def. consider what u have told me.

I am sorry to hear this. I really felt really sad actually reading this. I know how u feel about ur grandfather, my uncle recently passed away. 3 weeks ago. And I didn't know much about him until after he died of a liver disease. But I'm really sorry to hear that. I wish I could say I know how u feel on everything, but I do a little.

Thanks for reading it. I just wanted you to know me better. I guess u know everything there is to know about me. I just felt like you didn't like taking meds, but when I take my meds I feel blessed that I have them. If it weren't for those things I would probably be going in and out of jail. Yeah you said you only had your doctor for 1 year. That's not very long. I'm doing so well with my meds because, for one he was very experienced and two he's had me for 10+ years so he knows me well. I just think you need to stay with your doctor longer and just a reminder, if the doctor asks you questions on how you're doing on your meds, try to tell him/her as much as you can. The thing that sucks is, they can't help you unless you are completely honest with them about how you're doing on them, cause if you're not doing well with the pills you're taking they might not be the right pills.

I take my pills faithfully and tell my doc everything I notice. I just don't want to take more pills than I already do. its just my view on docs, they always want to shove pills down ur throat. I'm doing very well right now. But I'm the worst during winter.

Well that's good to hear. I'm doing well with my pills. The cool thing about some pills is if you get them running in your system for like a month they say in your body for a good while, which is a good thing cause one of my pills, the one for mood swings stays in my system even when I forget to take them. I would have to go like a month for it to go out of my system, which I don't plan to do. Ask your doctor about if you're pills do that, it's nice to know that. It may turn out the pills aren't working for you or they have some kind of side effect, it can cause a problem if it's in your system and you have to wait for it to start coming out before you can take something else. I remember I took one of my pills and my older brother saw me stareing up at the ceiling and he told me to stop doing that, and I said I can't. He asked me why and I said I don't know I just can't. He got worried and asked my dad to call my doctor and my doctor said it was a common side effect of the pills and I should take benidral, the allergy meds. After I took some it made it stop, but the bad thing is I would feel drowsy after I take it. My dad told me to take benadril every time that happens. I went to see my doctor and he told me I should try the meds I used to take when I had been beating up my pets, but he warned me that these pills could also do it too. And I took them and it turned out that they did it too I told my dad this and he said, well I'm sorry but you'll have to stay on the pills cause there's no alterative. My dad told me one day that I could try taking benadril at night to prevent it from happening. I asked him do you mean it would work like a time release (that means it works all day) he said no. I didn't understand why he would suggest that, but I did it anyway. And ever since then it hasn't been happening anymore. I guess it's been acting like a time release. IDK. I may never know.

the drug I only take 4 days to get out of my system. if I forget to take them once I can go haywire...

Hmm...well I don't think they would make meds do things like that like if you forget to take them one day you go crazy. Then it would really depend on you to take them everyday or else.

IDK just my two cents anyway.