2015 For Red Draggy (READ DESCRIPTION) by RedDraggyDraws -- Fur Affinity [dot] net

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2015 For Red Draggy (READ DESCRIPTION)

By RedDraggyDraws,
posted 10 years ago Loving Dadgon | Support me with Shinies!

DISCLAMER: This isn't vent art.



What 2015 was for me.   



It was a roller coaster of emotions and new experiences.   Both good and bad.   Balanced out perfectly between the two.   Though, the emotion was a little too much for me at times.   Like when I wrote the vent journals and even drew my first vent pic.   One for vore, one about roleplaying and a journal doubting myself about making others happy.   I even thought about taking down the YCH I had going since I only got one taker from that.   But that was little more petty.   They can be seen here,



Vore vent: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7016047/



Roleplay vent: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7090262/ Which then resulted in: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7206575/



Self-Doubt: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6865687/



Stressed vent pic: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15775736/



I also lost my long time best friend and that's why I did this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17103388/



And I felt like I wasn't being taken seriously or listened to and like I was being used so I covered this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18449854



But in return I also gained a great best friend who now is  WindDraggy I know we'll be best friends for a long time coming.



But later in the year, I felt weird.   Like I was different.   Almost like I didn't belong.   I was almost feeling a little... lost(Which is why I'm wingless here).   I felt like I was so different from everyone else.   Like I was too kind and nice.   Even down to the things I liked.   I almost felt like a freak.   Because I was too soft and kind.   I didn't like killing, fatal vore or digestion (even if the prey reformed after), hard crushing paw stomping, death as a fetish (I don't care who you are, DEATH IS NOT FINE.   You are a monster if you think it is for God's sake), struggling or fear and because of this and not liking porn of any kind or anything explicit, I was even told by some people that I DIDN'T BELONG HERE.   That's right.   People actually told me that.   So, I felt even more out of place.   I nearly left not FA but the fandom as a whole three times.   But I stayed.   Because I was not going to abandon anyone.   And I still felt like I belonged.   At least to a certain extent.   It was hard.   A war within myself was raging out of control.   Should I stay or should I go?   Every time that came up, I chose to stay.   But things got worse.   People didn't listen and I was made to feel like an outcast.   So I set boundaries and locked myself up for a bit, not really doing much.   And even though I made myself appear happy and fine to the outside world, on the inside I was torn and very lost.   I wore a mask.   A smile to hide what I really was feeling.   Well, maybe not torn.   More like out of place.   But I was coming to terms slowly over time.   I had friends who loved me for who I am.   And it was others who thought that death was okay and among other things that made me feel like I was being closed in on.   And so, I ended up unwatching close to 40 people.   I was slowly closing down from the inside out and losing the war against myself inside me.   Almost like I was getting ready to leave.   But then it hit me.   I wasn't going to give up that easy.   



Just as I had gotten all this bad stuff, good stuff happened as well.



TMI Tuesday returned for its second year in a row

Since opening for commissions over a year ago, I've had 4 people commission me.   That felt nice.

I gained not only a best friend but a little brother  dragonfury999 as well and a loving bunch of friends who did actually get me and understand me for me.

I got a fantastic SIX weeks instead of two with my hubby burr  kennethbear in person!

Even though this was my second year not celebrating Halloween, I still got to spent it with him and he makes me the proudest I have ever felt.   He is my EVERYTHING.

I officially started pumping out NICE paw art and made my first NICE macro pov pic.

I played a game that actUally uNDERsTood my wAy of thinking about the worLd, but it made mE cry BUT not for reasons people would think.

I had my downs but I had people who helped me up.   And even my IRL mother backs me up and wants to be on FA.   My real family backs me up.   That's something.



I came to terms that in order to truly be what I wanted, which is to be someone who lives to make others happy, I needed to work on myself first.   And if people used me for my kindness, I wouldn't be afraid to say, shove it.   And mean it.   To stand up for myself if I needed to.   



So, for me, 2015 didn't go the way I expected.   I also realized that time does not have fixed points (thank you Matt Smith) so I wasn't going to get what I expected.   I got something worse.   ^^;   But it was good.   Because I took a bad situation and learned to deal with it.   Expanding my horizon and learning how to deal with things more so I can be a better person.   For others.   For you.   



So there we have it.   2015 in a nutshell for me.   I believe that even though 2015 was worse than 2014, 2016 holds promises towards my future.   So yup.   Thank you for reading and watching and looking and I love each and every one of you.   Happy new year!