2015 For Red Draggy (READ DESCRIPTION)
DISCLAMER: This isn't vent art.
What 2015 was for me.
It was a roller coaster of emotions and new experiences. Both good and bad. Balanced out perfectly between the two. Though, the emotion was a little too much for me at times. Like when I wrote the vent journals and even drew my first vent pic. One for vore, one about roleplaying and a journal doubting myself about making others happy. I even thought about taking down the YCH I had going since I only got one taker from that. But that was little more petty. They can be seen here,
Vore vent: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7016047/
Roleplay vent: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7090262/ Which then resulted in: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7206575/
Self-Doubt: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6865687/
Stressed vent pic: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15775736/
I also lost my long time best friend and that's why I did this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17103388/
And I felt like I wasn't being taken seriously or listened to and like I was being used so I covered this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18449854
But in return I also gained a great best friend who now is
WindDraggy I know we'll be best friends for a long time coming.
But later in the year, I felt weird. Like I was different. Almost like I didn't belong. I was almost feeling a little... lost(Which is why I'm wingless here). I felt like I was so different from everyone else. Like I was too kind and nice. Even down to the things I liked. I almost felt like a freak. Because I was too soft and kind. I didn't like killing, fatal vore or digestion (even if the prey reformed after), hard crushing paw stomping, death as a fetish (I don't care who you are, DEATH IS NOT FINE. You are a monster if you think it is for God's sake), struggling or fear and because of this and not liking porn of any kind or anything explicit, I was even told by some people that I DIDN'T BELONG HERE. That's right. People actually told me that. So, I felt even more out of place. I nearly left not FA but the fandom as a whole three times. But I stayed. Because I was not going to abandon anyone. And I still felt like I belonged. At least to a certain extent. It was hard. A war within myself was raging out of control. Should I stay or should I go? Every time that came up, I chose to stay. But things got worse. People didn't listen and I was made to feel like an outcast. So I set boundaries and locked myself up for a bit, not really doing much. And even though I made myself appear happy and fine to the outside world, on the inside I was torn and very lost. I wore a mask. A smile to hide what I really was feeling. Well, maybe not torn. More like out of place. But I was coming to terms slowly over time. I had friends who loved me for who I am. And it was others who thought that death was okay and among other things that made me feel like I was being closed in on. And so, I ended up unwatching close to 40 people. I was slowly closing down from the inside out and losing the war against myself inside me. Almost like I was getting ready to leave. But then it hit me. I wasn't going to give up that easy.
Just as I had gotten all this bad stuff, good stuff happened as well.
TMI Tuesday returned for its second year in a row
Since opening for commissions over a year ago, I've had 4 people commission me. That felt nice.
I gained not only a best friend but a little brother
dragonfury999 as well and a loving bunch of friends who did actually get me and understand me for me.
I got a fantastic SIX weeks instead of two with my hubby burr
kennethbear in person!
Even though this was my second year not celebrating Halloween, I still got to spent it with him and he makes me the proudest I have ever felt. He is my EVERYTHING.
I officially started pumping out NICE paw art and made my first NICE macro pov pic.
I played a game that actUally uNDERsTood my wAy of thinking about the worLd, but it made mE cry BUT not for reasons people would think.
I had my downs but I had people who helped me up. And even my IRL mother backs me up and wants to be on FA. My real family backs me up. That's something.
I came to terms that in order to truly be what I wanted, which is to be someone who lives to make others happy, I needed to work on myself first. And if people used me for my kindness, I wouldn't be afraid to say, shove it. And mean it. To stand up for myself if I needed to.
So, for me, 2015 didn't go the way I expected. I also realized that time does not have fixed points (thank you Matt Smith) so I wasn't going to get what I expected. I got something worse. ^^; But it was good. Because I took a bad situation and learned to deal with it. Expanding my horizon and learning how to deal with things more so I can be a better person. For others. For you.
So there we have it. 2015 in a nutshell for me. I believe that even though 2015 was worse than 2014, 2016 holds promises towards my future. So yup. Thank you for reading and watching and looking and I love each and every one of you. Happy new year!
Category Artwork (Digital) / General Furry Art
Species Western Dragon
Size 1280 x 843px
File Size 237 kB
My advice to you is to focus on you from time to time. Learn when to stop helping someone. I know its hard but some people either cant be helped or wont be helped and got to learn to spot that and back out for your sake. Screw them honestly. There are some you cant back away from but need to know the signs of a fake and its hard to honestly tell someone is fake or not. You are not bad for being different and you are probably an old soul. You feel out of place no matter where you are right? Like you dont belong in this time and this place? This fandom is brutal be you dont give in to the masses. If you dont like something then dont like it but dont call people out for their likes. Yes "death" is bad like hurting rl animals and stuff and people and all... Hopefully people dont practice what they love on here to others. You may not know me but a friend of yours wanted me to try and help. I dont sugar coat anything and I am being nice. Your best bet is to honestly focus on you. Your happiness is not to be spent on others who do not deserve it if at all. Even on family. You need to take time to focus on you because if you are not happy you are not healthy and if you are not healthy you are not able to help anyone. Shield your senses you are most likely an empath. Take care and hope that some of this advice has helped somehow.
Awww, thank you for the kind words! But I feel perfectly fine. This wasn't vent art it was just a summary of my year. I had just as much good as bad! I was still happy and me though. ^^ Just like I am now! I'm perfectly fine. But thank you for the concern! You have a lovely day! ^.=.^
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